Alright...done.
Ok so that's not the problem.
The first problem is that your router apparently does not support UPnP, which is what the game uses to setup automatic port forwarding. This would be fine except...
Your router also randomizes the origin ports of outgoing udp packets. So when your computer sends out a packet from port 28000, your router gets it and rewrites it to say it's from port .. oh, 63153. This makes it very difficult to match up communications between you and anyone else who is behind a router (which is everyone). I do not know why they make routers like this, but I know that they do. I don't know how to solve this problem.
Here is a 2x2 matrix. You are in the red part.
| Non-Randomizing | Randomizing |
UPnP | GOOD | GOOD |
No UPnP | OK (no ping) | BAD |
Edit: If you could post your make and model of router that would be helpful.