Author Topic: Lyrics? (Read 1041 times)

Bones4 · January 31, 2010, 12:20:05 AM

Hacking the same rusty note, the same raspy tone

living your life as a slave to industry

break free from this prison

cease this chosen poison

learn to breathe without obstruction

review your morals and see the destruction

air is free, appreciate it more,

or else you'll find yourself on the floor.

This isn't finished. I dunno, It came to me at work. There's more songs, but I don't feel like posting them all right now.

Good y/ n?

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Packer · January 31, 2010, 12:22:42 AM

Not a fan of lyrics :D Basically meaning that I really couldn't give criticism.

JD · January 31, 2010, 12:38:27 AM

I liked the beginning, but I have a very strong feeling that on that last line, you were either trying to rhyme with the previous line.. Or were out of ideas. These would definitely work, but they're not like.. Perfect. But nothing is, so props to you. Could you post more?

dkamm65 · January 31, 2010, 12:42:20 AM

If you ask me, lyrics have more meaning when they have music to go with them.

Pretty good though.

Bones4 · January 31, 2010, 12:55:22 AM

The last line was intentional... it's about smoking.

JD · January 31, 2010, 12:57:20 AM

Quote from: Bones4 on January 31, 2010, 12:55:22 AM

The last line was intentional... it's about smoking.

Ah. You should hint at it a bit more. :P Edit: --with the last line. Like, yeah, you'll be on the floor.. But.. People could be like, did you get shot, did you die, or something.
Try to use some kind of term or saying instead of like, a direct statement. Makes the listener listen harder. :3

Bones4 · January 31, 2010, 01:07:12 AM

My other song is much better, but I don't want to post it due to the possibility of it being stolen.

JD · January 31, 2010, 01:11:22 AM

:P
I'd love to hear it, but it's up to you if you want to trust me.

Bones4 · January 31, 2010, 01:18:04 AM

Damn. :/ I only posted this one because it's short. The other one is loong. It's also very cryptic and people I have shown only full understand it when I tell them what the meaning is. That is the kind of music I always wanted to write.

JD · January 31, 2010, 01:20:35 AM

That's the kind of music everyone wishes to write, and some can accomplish. I've got a good feeling that you're doing so. :D

Bones4 · January 31, 2010, 01:21:39 AM

I'll pm you.

JD · January 31, 2010, 01:22:54 AM

I promise I won't show anybody, unless you want me to.

Bones4 · January 31, 2010, 01:24:59 AM

Just comment in this thread. Keep them to yourself though. Be descriptive in what you think it's about.