Author Topic: I wrote a poem today, constructive criticism for me?  (Read 750 times)

Alright, today I was feeling kinda stuffty, so I decided to sit down and write something in one of my notebooks. After 20 or so minutes, I had the following poem all written out as you'll see it. Can I get some constructive criticism on my writing and how to improve it?

Quote
JACK-O-LANTERNS

My Jack O’ Lanterns lay on the shelf
Down in the basement
I made them myself

Take a man’s head
Spoils of war
Pull out the brains
It can be quite a chore

Gouge out the eyes
Break off the nose
Pop out the teeth so the mouth cannot close

Carve a big smile
Ear to ear
More frightful than a gourd
Conveying even more fear

You have the trimmings
A face scary as any
Do you want some?
I have far too many
« Last Edit: November 17, 2012, 09:40:49 AM by rockslide26 »

Whoa

That's actually really good. Would've done great for halloween.


Whoa

That's actually really good. Would've done great for halloween.
Thanks! This did come a little bit late though

I like it!
Thank you c:

I like it, actually quite good! Well done!

Wow, great job.

Everything is good IMO except the meter in stanza four.

Wow, great job.

Everything is good IMO except the meter in stanza four.
And five, yeah.
Timing looks just a liiitle bit off. Words are too big to fit.

Other than that it's great!

And five, yeah.
Timing looks just a liiitle bit off. Words are too big to fit.

Other than that it's great!
Stanza five is the most awkward now looking back, I guess I guess I'll just change the wording around a bit

I like it, actually quite good! Well done!
Thanks c: