ok this next part is important, rip off all your clothes
yes this includes undies
now, jump onto the food table, and declare yourself head of your family
anybody who attempts to remove you from the table will be repelled by the next step,
begin windmilling your richard at full speed
this will distract, and make your family submit to you, and you will rule your family
to assert dominance over the other males who may attempt to dethrone you,
grab the nearest drink, and chug it as fast as you can, intentionally getting it all over your sweating naked body
this will show that you are not afraid of a little mess, and the drink could potentially be the blood of your enemies
now, to finish them off, jump off the table, and do a perfect twistflip, and stick the landing
proceed to turn around and flip the table over, and command that it is time to feast
your family should begin eating the food off the floor
find the highest place in the room and watch from above with your newfound dominance
