Star Fox: Four Horsemen - like progress noobs

[A.R.C.]

cheese

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[Krystal]

hey guys what's going on in this topic

[Dusty12]

Hot sticky cheese

[Krystal]

knot

[A.R.C.]

She felt her cheese tightening around his cheese, taking it in deeper and deeper

[Dusty12]

Gouda or swiss?

[Krystal]

She felt her cheese tightening around his cheese, taking it in deeper and deeper

That's a signature right there, ladies and gentlemen.

[A.R.C.]

That's a signature right there, ladies and gentlemen.

[skelolego229]

It's very nice sue.
You should write a novel while your creative spark is lit.

[Deus Ex]

Gouda or swiss?

American. :]

[Dusty12]

Alright, enough of ARC posting snips from what I showed him and replacing words with cheese, I'd like some actual feedback.

[A.R.C.]

I thought it was good but it needed more adjectives.
I also found things to transition a little too quickly.
Also space magic.

[skelolego229]

Personnaly I though it was very descriptive like a painting of the story in every word.

[BrofOrange]

Alright, enough of ARC posting snips from what I showed him and replacing words with cheese, I'd like some actual feedback.

but... the cheese.

[A.R.C.]

She felt her cheese tightening around his cheese, taking it in deeper and deeper

I request someone draw this.