Author Topic: My Crap Sword  (Read 6285 times)

 It all started when our overrated adventurer, DarkSilence, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly relieved, DarkSilence grabbed a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved crap sword was missing!  Immediately he called his redheaded stepchild of a 'friend', Jetz. DarkSilence had known Jetz for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were exotic ones.  Jetz was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little... insensitive. DarkSilence called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Jetz picked up to a very sad DarkSilence. Jetz calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys cringe before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually sassily yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting DarkSilence.  Why was Jetz trying to distract DarkSilence?  Because he had snuck out from DarkSilence's with the crap sword only three days prior.  It was a electric little crap sword... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before DarkSilence got back to the subject at hand: his crap sword. Jetz sneezed. Relunctantly, Jetz invited him over, assuring him they'd find the crap sword. DarkSilence grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Jetz realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the crap sword and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if DarkSilence took the noise-polluting import, he had take at least nine minutes before DarkSilence would get there.  But if he took the horse?  Then Jetz would be alarmingly screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Jetz was interrupted by eleven insensitive Dynamite Orcs that were lured by his crap sword. Jetz panicked; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he deftly reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and randomly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the horse rolling up.  It was DarkSilence.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late.  With a skillful leap, DarkSilence was out of the horse and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Jetz's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Jetz was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the crap sword into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his whale. Jetz was concerned but at least the crap sword was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Jetz sassily purred.  With a calculated push, DarkSilence opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish noble genius in a nappy, busted-out hatchback,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Jetz assured him. DarkSilence took a seat conveniently far from where Jetz had hidden the crap sword. Jetz sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But DarkSilence was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Jetz noticed a clueless look on DarkSilence's face. DarkSilence slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Jetz felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when DarkSilence asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the crap sword right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A abrasive look started to form on DarkSilence's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. DarkSilence nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Jetz could react, DarkSilence randomly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The crap sword was plainly in view.

   DarkSilence stared at Jetz for what what must've been eight millseconds. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Jetz groped earnestly in DarkSilence's direction, clearly desperate. DarkSilence grabbed the crap sword and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Jetz let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, DarkSilence,' he rebuked. Jetz always had been a little selfish, so DarkSilence knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Jetz did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his crap sword tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Jetz looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from DarkSilence. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for DarkSilence. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Jetz walked over to the window and looked down. DarkSilence was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, DarkSilence was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Jetz's place. DarkSilence had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Dynamite Orcs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the crap sword.  One by one they latched on to DarkSilence.  Already weakened from his injury, DarkSilence yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dynamite Orcs running off with his crap sword.

   But then God came down with His easygoing smile and restored DarkSilence's crap sword. Feeling pleased, God smote the Dynamite Orcs for their injustice.  Then He got in His hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle and jetted away with the fortitude of 153 man-eating capybaras running from a enlarged pack of spotted wolf hamsters. DarkSilence skipped with joy when he saw this. His crap sword was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, Big Brother, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When long-haired sea monkeys meet contraceptive'). DarkSilence was contented. And so, everyone except Jetz and a few bloody glove-toting long-haired sea monkeys lived blissfully happy, forever after.

can swords even crap

do you have many adventures or what


Why the stories?

Edit: Meh.
« Last Edit: October 25, 2010, 11:31:42 PM by MegaScientifical »


Lol, :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: that was an awesome adventure!

Epic story, going to overrate for awesomeness. 20/5


Can anybody do a quick summary? Too lazy

Can anybody do a quick summary? Too lazy
Once upon a time, Ephi used a story generator to write a story and post it on the forums. Years later, Hellboy Nat did the same thing. The end.

Once upon a time, Ephi used a story generator to write a story and post it on the forums. Years later, Hellboy Nat did the same thing. The end.
Quote from: generator
   It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Muzzles56, woke up in a bush. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly concerned, Muzzles56 poked a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved Pie was missing!  Immediately he called his former lay, Truffles the Pig. Muzzles56 had known Truffles the Pig for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones.  Truffles the Pig was unique. He was clever though sometimes a little... oafish. Muzzles56 called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Truffles the Pig picked up to a very unhappy Muzzles56. Truffles the Pig calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys shudder before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually charismatically sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Muzzles56.  Why was Truffles the Pig trying to distract Muzzles56?  Because he had snuck out from Muzzles56's with the Pie only eight days prior.  It was a striking little Pie... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Muzzles56 got back to the subject at hand: his Pie. Truffles the Pig turned red. Relunctantly, Truffles the Pig invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Pie. Muzzles56 grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Truffles the Pig realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Pie and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Muzzles56 took the curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala), he had take at least six minutes before Muzzles56 would get there.  But if he took the time machine?  Then Truffles the Pig would be exceedingly screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Truffles the Pig was interrupted by three pestering Care Bears that were lured by his Pie. Truffles the Pig yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he aggressively reached for his ninja star and fearlessly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the time machine rolling up.  It was Muzzles56.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late.  With a quick leap, Muzzles56 was out of the time machine and went wildly jaunting toward Truffles the Pig's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Truffles the Pig was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the Pie into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his time machine. Truffles the Pig was worried but at least the Pie was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Truffles the Pig indiscriminately purred.  With a calculated push, Muzzles56 opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted noble genius in a magic flying carpet,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Truffles the Pig assured him. Muzzles56 took a seat mysteriously distant from where Truffles the Pig had hidden the Pie. Truffles the Pig shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Muzzles56 was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Truffles the Pig noticed a funny-smelling look on Muzzles56's face. Muzzles56 slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Truffles the Pig felt a stabbing pain in his shin when Muzzles56 asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Pie right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A stupid look started to form on Muzzles56's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Muzzles56 nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Truffles the Pig could react, Muzzles56 carefully lunged toward the box and opened it.  The Pie was plainly in view.

   Muzzles56 stared at Truffles the Pig for what what must've been five nanoseconds. A few freaknasty minutes later, Truffles the Pig groped charismatically in Muzzles56's direction, clearly desperate. Muzzles56 grabbed the Pie and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Truffles the Pig let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Muzzles56,' he rebuked. Truffles the Pig always had been a little selfish, so Muzzles56 knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Truffles the Pig did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, he gripped his Pie tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Truffles the Pig looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Muzzles56. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Muzzles56. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Truffles the Pig walked over to the window and looked down. Muzzles56 was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Muzzles56 was struggling to make his way through the swamp behind Truffles the Pig's place. Muzzles56 had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Pie.  One by one they latched on to Muzzles56.  Already weakened from his injury, Muzzles56 yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his Pie.

   But then God came down with His intelligent smile and restored Muzzles56's Pie. Feeling pleased, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice.  Then He got in His entrepreneur  fresh, candy-painted 'Lac and jettisoned away with the fortitude of  2,000 albino cats running from a enormous pack of albino cats. Muzzles56 skipped with joy when he saw this. His Pie was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in two minutes his favorite TV show,  iCarly, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When legless puppies meet bloody glove'). Muzzles56 was ecstatic. And so, everyone except Truffles the Pig and a few unborn fetus-toting disease-carrying chipmunks lived blissfully happy, forever after.

Once upon a time, Ephi used a story generator to write a story and post it on the forums. Years later, Hellboy Nat did the same thing. The end.

Quote
  It all started when our (former research) star, Batman, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling barely puzzled, Batman backhanded a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Giggling like schoolgirl, he realized that his beloved Viagra was missing!  Immediately he called his enemy in training, Robin. Batman had known Robin for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were enchanting ones.  Robin was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little... abrasive. Batman called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Robin picked up to a very calm Batman. Robin calmly assured him that most spotted wolf hamsters sneeze before mating, yet venomous koalas usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Batman.  Why was Robin trying to distract Batman?  Because he had snuck out from Batman's with the Viagra only ten days prior.  It was a saucy little Viagra... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Batman got back to the subject at hand: his Viagra. Robin panicked. Reluctantly, Robin invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Viagra. Batman grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Robin realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Viagra and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Batman took the tricked out go kart, he had take at least six minutes before Batman would get there.  But if he took the old lady?  Then Robin would be ridiculously screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Robin was interrupted by five oafish his mothers that were lured by his Viagra. Robin grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he deftly reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and recklessly poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the old lady rolling up.  It was Batman.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late.  With a apt leap, Batman was out of the old lady and went wildly jaunting toward Robin's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Robin was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the Viagra into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his elephant. Robin was puzzled but at least the Viagra was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Robin indiscriminately purred.  With a calculated push, Batman opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling genocidal maniac in a magic flying carpet,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Robin assured him. Batman took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Robin had hidden the Viagra. Robin yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Batman was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Robin noticed a abrasive look on Batman's face. Batman slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Robin felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Batman asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Viagra right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A dimwitted look started to form on Batman's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet albino cats.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Batman nodded with fake acknowledgment...then, before Robin could react, Batman aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The Viagra was plainly in view.

   Batman stared at Robin for what what must have been ten hours. A few freak nasty minutes later, Robin groped wildly in Batman's direction, clearly desperate. Batman grabbed the Viagra and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Robin let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Batman,' he rebuked. Robin always had been a little dimwitted, so Batman knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Robin did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he gripped his Viagra tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Robin looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Batman. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Batman. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Robin walked over to the window and looked down. Batman was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Batman was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Robin's place. Batman had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral his mothers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Viagra.  One by one they latched on to Batman.  Already weakened from his injury, Batman yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of his mothers running off with his Viagra.

   But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Batman's Viagra. Feeling pleased, God smote the his mothers for their injustice.  Then He got in His entrepreneur  fresh, candy-painted 'Lac and sped away with the fortitude of  200,000 venomous koalas running from a big pack of man-eating capybaras. Batman stumbled with joy when he saw this. His Viagra was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show,  La Blue Girl, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet hand grenade'). Batman was contented. And so, everyone except Robin and a few pipe bomb-toting disease-carrying chipmunks lived blissfully happy, forever after.

It makes tl;dr stories. :panda: Find me a shorter one.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2010, 07:11:13 PM by MegaScientifical »

   It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, Steve5451, woke up in a imaginary desert. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly displeased, Steve5451 punched a sock, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Happy as a frickin' monkey, he realized that his beloved ban hammer was missing!  Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, your mother. Steve5451 had known your mother for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were eccentric ones.  your mother was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Steve5451 called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   your mother picked up to a very calm Steve5451. your mother calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras sneeze before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually sassily yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Steve5451.  Why was your mother trying to distract Steve5451?  Because she had snuck out from Steve5451's with the ban hammer only three days prior.  It was a striking little ban hammer... how could she resist?

   It didn't take long before Steve5451 got back to the subject at hand: his ban hammer. your mother yawned. Relunctantly, your mother invited him over, assuring him they'd find the ban hammer. Steve5451 grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, your mother realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the ban hammer and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Steve5451 took the deliciously practical 4-door, she had take at least eleven minutes before Steve5451 would get there.  But if he took the Stunt Plane?  Then your mother would be very screwed.

   Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, your mother was interrupted by nine stupid noobs that were lured by her ban hammer. your mother belched; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she thoughtfully reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and carefully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief.  That's when she heard the Stunt Plane rolling up.  It was Steve5451.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of carrots, so he knew he was running late.  With a mighty leap, Steve5451 was out of the Stunt Plane and went explosively jaunting toward your mother's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  your mother was panicking.  Not thinking, she tossed the ban hammer into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her hippopotamus. your mother was angered but at least the ban hammer was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' your mother scandalously purred.  With a mighty push, Steve5451 opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted rationality-deprived handicap in a tricked out go kart,' he lied.  'It's fine,' your mother assured him. Steve5451 took a seat frighteningly close to where your mother had hidden the ban hammer. your mother yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted.  But Steve5451 was distracted. Just as zero people expected your mother noticed a annoying look on Steve5451's face. Steve5451 slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   your mother felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Steve5451 asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the ban hammer right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A funny-smelling look started to form on Steve5451's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet legless puppies.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Steve5451 nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before your mother could react, Steve5451 fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The ban hammer was plainly in view.

   Steve5451 stared at your mother for what what must've been eleven microseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, your mother groped charismatically in Steve5451's direction, clearly desperate. Steve5451 grabbed the ban hammer and bolted for the door.  It was locked. your mother let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Steve5451,' she rebuked. your mother always had been a little annoying, so Steve5451 knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before your mother did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at her or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he gripped his ban hammer tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   your mother looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Steve5451. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Steve5451. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. your mother walked over to the window and looked down. Steve5451 was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Steve5451 was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind your mother's place. Steve5451 had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral noobs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the ban hammer.  One by one they latched on to Steve5451.  Already weakened from his injury, Steve5451 yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of noobs running off with his ban hammer.

   But then God came down with His intelligent smile and restored Steve5451's ban hammer. Feeling exasperated, God smote the noobs for their injustice.  Then He got in His noise-polluting import and zipped away with the fortitude of  61 South American hissing sloths running from a enormous pack of venomous koalas. Steve5451 tripped with joy when he saw this. His ban hammer was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes his favorite TV show,  Roblox, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet malaria'). Steve5451 was contented. And so, everyone except your mother and a few bloody glove-toting albino cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.


   It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Plad, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly relieved, Plad grabbed a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he realized that his beloved blockland key was missing!  Immediately he called his undeclared soulmate, Blur. Plad had known Blur for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were electric ones.  Blur was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little... stupid. Plad called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Blur picked up to a very sad Plad. Blur calmly assured him that most venomous koalas grimace before mating, yet legless puppies usually charismatically shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Plad.  Why was Blur trying to distract Plad?  Because he had snuck out from Plad's with the blockland key only three days prior.  It was a enticing little blockland key... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Plad got back to the subject at hand: his blockland key. Blur sneezed. Relunctantly, Blur invited him over, assuring him they'd find the blockland key. Plad grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Blur realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the blockland key and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Plad took the tricycle, he had take at least six minutes before Plad would get there.  But if he took the Roadster?  Then Blur would be abnormally screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Blur was interrupted by nine clueless Care Bears that were lured by his blockland key. Blur yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he carefully reached for his ninja star and aptly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the Roadster rolling up.  It was Plad.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late.  With a careful leap, Plad was out of the Roadster and went sassily jaunting toward Blur's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Blur was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the blockland key into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his giraffe. Blur was pleased but at least the blockland key was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Blur charismatically purred.  With a mighty push, Plad opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling coke fiend in a time machine,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Blur assured him. Plad took a seat exotically proximate to where Blur had hidden the blockland key. Blur shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Plad was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Blur noticed a pestering look on Plad's face. Plad slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Blur felt a stabbing pain in his p-spot when Plad asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the blockland key right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A clueless look started to form on Plad's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet venomous koalas.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Plad nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Blur could react, Plad deftly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The blockland key was plainly in view.

   Plad stared at Blur for what what must've been six minutes. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Blur groped earnestly in Plad's direction, clearly desperate. Plad grabbed the blockland key and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Blur let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Plad,' he rebuked. Blur always had been a little clueless, so Plad knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Blur did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he gripped his blockland key tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Blur looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Plad. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Plad. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Blur walked over to the window and looked down. Plad was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Plad was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Blur's place. Plad had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the blockland key.  One by one they latched on to Plad.  Already weakened from his injury, Plad yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his blockland key.

   But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Plad's blockland key. Feeling pleased, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice.  Then He got in His entrepreneur  fresh, candy-painted 'Lac and sped away with the fortitude of  61 legless puppies running from a enormous pack of South American hissing sloths. Plad ran with joy when he saw this. His blockland key was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes his favorite TV show,  Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When spotted wolf hamsters meet contraceptive'). Plad was overjoyed. And so, everyone except Blur and a few contraceptive-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.
and then they found a bottle of wine drank it and somone shoved a lit match down there throghts at night and they exploded into flames and died the end

   It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Kane, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly stunned, Kane poked a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he realized that his beloved snake was missing!  Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, JamesTheLeet. Kane had known JamesTheLeet for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were enticing ones.  JamesTheLeet was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... pestering. Kane called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   JamesTheLeet picked up to a very unhappy Kane. JamesTheLeet calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks yawn before mating, yet venomous koalas usually scandalously yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Kane.  Why was JamesTheLeet trying to distract Kane?  Because he had snuck out from Kane's with the snake only ten days prior.  It was a exotic little snake... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Kane got back to the subject at hand: his snake. JamesTheLeet yawned. Relunctantly, JamesTheLeet invited him over, assuring him they'd find the snake. Kane grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, JamesTheLeet realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the snake and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Kane took the noise-polluting import, he had take at least five minutes before Kane would get there.  But if he took the Dragon?  Then JamesTheLeet would be ridiculously screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, JamesTheLeet was interrupted by six pestering Vaginas that were lured by his snake. JamesTheLeet turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling exasperated, he thoughtfully reached for his live hand grenade and aggressively stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the Dragon rolling up.  It was Kane.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late.  With a careful leap, Kane was out of the Dragon and went surreptitiously jaunting toward JamesTheLeet's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  JamesTheLeet was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the snake into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his elephant. JamesTheLeet was relieved but at least the snake was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' JamesTheLeet explosively purred.  With a hasty push, Kane opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan,' he lied.  'It's fine,' JamesTheLeet assured him. Kane took a seat wonderfully far from where JamesTheLeet had hidden the snake. JamesTheLeet panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Kane was distracted. A few unfulfilled decades later, JamesTheLeet noticed a funny-smelling look on Kane's face. Kane slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   JamesTheLeet felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Kane asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the snake right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A pestering look started to form on Kane's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Kane nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before JamesTheLeet could react, Kane skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it.  The snake was plainly in view.

   Kane stared at JamesTheLeet for what what must've been seven minutes. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, JamesTheLeet groped flamboyantly in Kane's direction, clearly desperate. Kane grabbed the snake and bolted for the door.  It was locked. JamesTheLeet let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Kane,' he rebuked. JamesTheLeet always had been a little selfish, so Kane knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before JamesTheLeet did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. In a tragically predictable turn of events, he gripped his snake tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   JamesTheLeet looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Kane. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Kane. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. JamesTheLeet walked over to the window and looked down. Kane was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Kane was struggling to make his way through the bush behind JamesTheLeet's place. Kane had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Vaginas suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the snake.  One by one they latched on to Kane.  Already weakened from his injury, Kane yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Vaginas running off with his snake.

   But then God came down with His smart smile and restored Kane's snake. Feeling frustrated, God smote the Vaginas for their injustice.  Then He got in His noise-polluting import and jetted away with the fortitude of  153 South American hissing sloths running from a huge pack of venomous koalas. Kane stumbled with joy when he saw this. His snake was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in nine minutes his favorite TV show,  Mrs Vagina In TV, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When disease-carrying chipmunks meet malaria'). Kane was elated. And so, everyone except JamesTheLeet and a few rusty razor blade-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

it was a exotic little snake

I feel bad for generating this now that i see how it turned out :c