Author Topic: A story I wrote for my girlfriend.  (Read 15633 times)

i want to lick your face
and touch your naughty bits while you are unconscious

Lol'd.

My girlfriend wrote a story like this to me as well just no so, erm intimate?

She probably thinks you want some secks here.


It's like watching people make out in your mind. At least we don't know what you look like.

I was uncomfortable.

And that THAT WAS AWESOME seemed extremely out of place, such as

*extremely long kiss*
And I stood there still and silent, my eyes meeting hers and a romance so profound, that it-
THAT WAS SO loving AWESOME, WOOO, YEAH, forget YEAH!

Well, we just met and you didn't even buy me dinner yet, so I think we should save stories like that for later in our relationship, if you could call it that.  No I won't have love with you.

I will be the first to give an honest critique on the story itself. Insanely boring up to the last paragraph, you basically just wrote down a list of things you were going to do with no detail and nothing actually happening, then the last paragraph is so badly written it is a mix between cheezy and creepy. Like you are so bad at expressing romantic thoughts you just explained how you are going to try to rape her by pulling her close and sneaking your hand up to rip off her bra. This is how your story sounds to me:

Quote
First I am going to wake up. Then I am going to eat a piece of toast. Then I am going to take a shower. Then I am going to put on my clothes. Then I am going to walk to your house. Then we are going to walk down the street. Then we are going to eat food. Then we are going to go to a mountain.

NOW I AM MAKING OUT WITH YOU FURIOUSLY, I GRAB YOU AND SLAM YOU TO THE GROUND AND RIP OFF YOUR SHIRT

The rest is history.

That was truly creepy.
tl;dr: "I felt your genitals and then we had love"

I will be the first to give an honest critique on the story itself. Insanely boring up to the last paragraph, you basically just wrote down a list of things you were going to do with no detail and nothing actually happening, then the last paragraph is so badly written it is a mix between cheezy and creepy. Like you are so bad at expressing romantic thoughts you just explained how you are going to try to rape her by pulling her close and sneaking your hand up to rip off her bra. This is how your story sounds to me:

I laughed so hard.

It is New Year's Eve and are preparing to celebrate it with you and my style. We have to get dressed in rags, going to mount. Mauntobeifea, so the story ended up spending much hand in hand we are within walking distance of pretty big. After 30 minutes we will arrive at Burger King. We eat when ordering a meal we eat and log in as casually walk in, we will learn more about each other every sentence is talking about learning some more. Once we throw the trash bin and Mount Drury's walking down the street towards the end of our food. Large chunks of dirt until we hold each other both on the way to close in. We get each other's waist, arm on my shoulder. We are laborious and slow Do not mount the stairs one puff at the top of Drury's walk. To the top once, and we plop down our ass on the cool grass, all the while accepting each other still looks empty.

We back the fireworks to start we wait for the performance of MS P Gothic to stare at the sky. I look at the clock, it is still only 11:45 pm. Quarter with slack time yet. I will roll my eyes looked back to see you. Before I give a light kiss on the top of your lips, we are a good minute staring at each other's eyes. We keep close to the ground hugging each other. I pulled my head and kiss your cheek, and I will kiss on your lips. Starts to kiss you back, we will begin Tsutsukimasu shy, get more adventurous and start kissing each other in the grass. Pretty soon we found the inside of the mouthes, intertwined tongues, lips are locked together laying in the cool grass. Place yourself in the butt cheeks with my hands drift down. We continued to kiss all over our body in the hands of our venture. The session is not immediately get close to the finish again later, my hand is back-ass. I have to build in your mouth to my mouth there, my left hand and rub your hips, your hair and my rights, hold you close.

Our love is interrupted by Kina Hiroshi Ban. Throwing fireworks into the sky first. We are waiting for the fireworks next to the fire and scattered, with the dark sky. We, oohing and light display on each burst of brilliant light the flame in your face aahing, the lay. I would draw you near, and put your head on my shoulder, I lay a mine on top of your head. You looked up, I look down on you, I kiss your forehead. We see, again, over time it is almost one, it is. I looked into your eyes, "that was awesome," he said. You just nodded, still staring into my eyes. I roll over to get a good look to you, before we resumed our kiss in front of us lay on the show for a few minutes.

In the heat of the kiss, you get out. "What's wrong?" I thank you. You say, "Oh, nothing, it is strange that no one, just to be here." I was on the hill, there are more people than usual, and you agree. Well. Again, we will resume the session. This time, my hands are more adventurous, and I traveled to shut it in your thighs, your legs to drag me, hold close. Back to your rear sliding my hands, I hold it in my hand. Kiss the spur of the moment I started getting hot and heavy until you reach the far strap of your bra, under my hand in your shirt, run down my spine.

The rest is history.


I lol'd visage

Also this story is really loving creepy, I've read my share of erotic stories but this is just weird, sounds like something Chris-Chan would do.
actually...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBUzZowEt1E&feature=related


"ass cheek"
Ruined it.

Also:

Quote
i kiss you then i kiss you kiss kiss kiss hot kiss love kiss i kiss you kiss kiss love ass cheek kiss

its too much

Reminds me of the paragraph i gave to some chick i knew about how id forget her  :cookieMonster:
I think it was like:
"First, we'd start making out, after a while of that i would startto take off your shirt and begin sucking on your tits until i move down, take off your bottoms and begin fingering and lciking you until i take mine off and stick my richard in you, i begin to start moving in and out faster and faster until i pull it out, and cum in your ass, then i start to eat you out"

her response was "I'm speechless"  :cookieMonster:

Reminds me of the paragraph i gave to some chick i knew about how id forget her  :cookieMonster:
I think it was like:
"First, we'd start making out, after a while of that i would startto take off your shirt and begin sucking on your tits until i move down, take off your bottoms and begin fingering and lciking you until i take mine off and stick my richard in you, i begin to start moving in and out faster and faster until i pull it out, and cum in your ass, then i start to eat you out"

her response was "I'm speechless"  :cookieMonster:
You loveual predator you.