1. Remove articles.
I went to the store.
Becomes
I went to store.
2. Remove conjugation.
She runs to store.
Becomes
She run to store.
3. Remove plurals.
I have four cats.
Becomes
I have four cat.
4. Remove pronoun cases.
She throws the ball to her.
Becomes
She throws ball to she.
5. Remove incrementing suffixes.
Fast, faster, fastest
Becomes
Fast, more fast, most fast.
6. Remove gerund.
I be eating.
Becomes
I be in process of to eat.
7. Replace letter 'c' with 's' or 'k' because it's a pointless letter.
Cake is good.
Becomes
Kake be good.
8. Replace 'x' with 'ks' and 'q' with 'kw', because that's all they really are.
9. Replace th with the theta, because it'll help make stuff shorter.