Y'know. Every once in a while I get nostalgic and look at the old drama topic that Ike made about me. I really was an abrasive jerk. I did say a lot of things I regret, but there is some stuff I wouldn't take back for the world.
Sure there are a lot of abrasive jerks on these forums, but I really was the worst at the time. It still flares up now and then and I eventually just end up pushing people away. Even those who are trying to help. I've never apologized for it either. I feel like I should but I know it would fall on deaf ears and I will just do it all over again eventually. I suppose it's the way I am. Brash and uncompromising. Someone that people like in small doses but when I'm seen to much I'm hated. That would be fine if I didn't love the attention so much. Not so much the negative attention, I just enjoy seeing people respond. It helps me feel like I get to know them better. Even if someone hates me, I'll talk to them in any way I can. It's like gathering research. I learn about myself and I learn about them. Sometimes, I just get over loaded.
Today was a good day. I woke up early. Helped my grandma with Christmas lights. Free food and some cash in pocket that I desperately needed. Totally worth the 7 hours of not so hard labor. Amazing new episode when I got home. I get inspired. Added a few thousand words to my fic. Yeah chrome messed up and I lost it but that's okay I can retype it. Yeah I got into a fight with my best bud on steam but that's okay. I'm sure we can fix it. And, here I am. Taking a moment for some much needed introspection.
I am not a good person by most peoples standards. I don't try my hardest. I could have done whatever I wanted to. All those things your parents tell you when you're feeling down. We really could have done them if we tried hard enough. I was lazy, and ruined my chances at a dream life. Now I'm here, picking up the pieces. I may not have as good a future as I had wanted but I didn't put out the effort needed. I learned the lesson the hard way like most people. I may not be a good person, but I'm doing the best I can with what I've given myself.
Today was a good day.
