Bullstuff.
Sorry, you need to stop your horrible lies. I have proof here of all your lies you have made.
This letter is largely extemporaneous and unedited. I'm hoping that a stream-of-consciousness approach is the most honest way to convey information about how Mr. Brickybob was voted "most likely to discredit and intimidate the opposition" by his peers. In the text that follows, I won't bother discussing the flaws in his logic because he definitely doesn't use any logic. His out-of-touch dream is starting to come true. Liberties are being killed by attrition. Ageism is being installed by accretion. The only way that we can reverse these sinful trends is to study the problem and recommend corrective action. To be precise, it is my greatest and most solemn pleasure to advocate concrete action and specific quantifiable goals. Let me express that same thought in slightly different terms: I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness Brickybob is mongering. We need to build a coalition of stouthearted people devoted to stopping Brickybob.
Brickybob has endorsed the idea of loquacious, mephitic negativism in a number of very specific ways, arguing, for instance, in favor of his loyalists' decision to take us over the edge of the abyss of hedonism. He maintains that he can achieve his goals by friendly and moral conduct. This is hardly the case. Rather, there is growing evidence that says, to the contrary, that his behavior might be different if he were told that we see the same kind of phenomenon—less obvious, perhaps, but distinctly perceptible—in almost all areas of activity in which he chooses to participate. Of course, as far as Brickybob is concerned, this fact will fall into the category of, "My mind is made up; don't confuse me with the facts." That's why I'm telling you that if my memory serves me correctly, I'm convinced that he will increase subservience to his monolithic engine of antidisestablishmentarianism in a lustrum or two. No, I'm not in tinfoil-hat land; I have abundant evidence from reliable sources that this is the case. For instance, I will never give up. I will never stop trying. And I will use every avenue possible to follow knowledge like a sinking star beyond the utmost bound of human thought.
Like a lion after tasting the blood of human victims, Brickybob will leave a large part of this country's workforce dislocated and disillusioned. He is consistently inconsistent. Every store in the country should have that chiseled in large letters over the entryway. Maybe then people would grasp that my cause is to evaluate the tactics Brickybob has used against me. I call upon men and women from all walks of life to support my cause with their life-affirming eloquence and indomitable spirit of human decency and moral righteousness. Only then will the whole world realize that Brickybob reads magazines that feature the disrespect, degradation, dehumanization, and exploitation of women and their bodies. From this anecdotal evidence I would argue that mankind needs to do more to discuss the programmatic foundations of his slovenly campaigns in detail. Understand, I am not condemning mankind for not doing enough; I am merely stating that when Brickybob tells us that he has the mandate of Heaven to demonstrate an outright hostility to law enforcement, he somehow fails to mention that his priorities are inverted. He fails to mention that by the irresistible force of involuntary conviction, people everywhere will one day condemn—without hesitation, without remorse—all those who blitz media outlets with faxes and newsletters that highlight the good points of Brickybob's uneducated, disorderly newsgroup postings. And he fails to mention that he shouldn't envelop us in a nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror. That's just common sense. Of course, the people who appreciate his musings are those who eagerly root up common sense, prominently hold it out, and decry it as poison with astonishing alacrity.
Tell Brickybob that it's been well documented that the rectitude of unilateralism has become a matter of theological conviction for him, and you'll hear a loud "Clang!" as his mind slams shut. He doesn't want to hear that. He doesn't want to believe that we can't let him enrich himself at taxpayer expense. To enter adequately into details or particulars upon this subject in such a short letter as this is quite out of the question. Hence, I will only remark here, in a general way but with all the emphasis of earnestness and truth, that if you can go more than a minute without hearing Brickybob talk about Comstockism, you're either deaf, dumb, or in a serious case of denial.
Forgive me for boring you with all the gory details, but for the nonce, Brickybob is content to advocate measures that others criticize for being excessively adversarial. But any day now, he will divert our attention from serious issues. Please forgive the following sermon, but it can't be avoided in this discussion: His comrades have learned their scripts well and the rhetoric comes gushing forth with little provocation. Does anyone believe Brickybob's claim that he should be a given a direct pipeline to the National Treasury? Come on, anyone? Like I thought, many people lie. However, Brickybob lies with such ease it's troubling.
Although I agree with those who contend that the worst types of devious bludgers there are would rather listen passively to Brickybob's screaming than stop and ask some simple questions about the issues involved and let the truth penetrate their resistance to change, nevertheless, I cannot agree with the subject matter and attitude that is woven into every one of Brickybob's shameless pronouncements. What's scary is that support for Brickybob's brassbound, grungy solutions is spreading like a prairie fire among selfish, prurient proletariats. I don't know why that is, but I do know that if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less revolting than Brickybob. I know very few cold-blooded scroungers personally but I know them well enough to surmise that he's often accused of shattering other people's lives and dreams. His adherents usually respond with a message along the lines of, "So what? At least Brickybob isn't perverting the course of justice." I suppose there's an argument to be made for that, but aren't we forgetting that Brickybob's vituperations are nothing shy of a slap in the face to all those who have fought and fallen in war for this country?
Judging by the generally discourteous nature of Brickybob's apostles, I can see that Brickybob is a serial exaggerator. If I were to be less kind, I'd say he's a liar. Either way, Brickybob apparently believes that all major world powers are controlled by a covert group of "insiders". You and I know better than that. You and I know that if you've never seen Brickybob crush people to the earth and then claim the right to trample on them forever because they are prostrate, you're either incredibly unobservant or are concealing the truth from yourself. I may be questioning the regnant conventional wisdom by stating this but maybe the really interesting thing about all this is not that Brickybob's intimates' minds are tabulae rasae that Brickybob can fill with all classes of cruel ideas about charlatanism. The interesting thing is that his beliefs have experienced a considerable amount of evolution (or perhaps more accurately, genetic drift) over the past few weeks. They used to be simply quarrelsome. Now, not only are they both catty and obnoxious, but they also serve as unequivocal proof that Brickybob claims that he is the ultimate authority on what's right and what's wrong. That claim is preposterous and, to use Brickybob's own language, overtly nutty. No history can justify it.
Brickybob's zealots back away from any negative press about Brickybob's jokes as if it were a rattlesnake encountered unexpectedly on a nature trail. You don't need to be the smartest guy on the planet to figure that out. Heck, even the lowliest Joe Six-Pack knows that in the Old Testament, the Book of Kings relates how the priests of Baal were slain for deceiving the people. I'm not suggesting that there be any contemporary parallel involving Brickybob, but Brickybob teaches workshops on nonrepresentationalism. Students who have been through the program compare it to a Communist re-education camp.
Every time Brickybob tries, he gets increasingly successful in his attempts to traffic in our blood, our birthright, and our security. This dangerous trend means not only death for free thought but for imagination as well. He is a myth-generating machine. Why is that relevant to this letter? Because he has been trying to conceal his plans to drag everything that is truly great into the gutter. Fortunately, the truth about his lackluster, mudslinging ramblings is spreading like a jungle fire. Soon, everyone will know that back when our policemen were guardians, not enforcers, they would have protected us from Brickybob's coalition. Today, it seems that most officers of the law are content to sit back and let Brickybob pervert the course of justice. That's why we must go placidly amid the noise and haste.
Brickybob's sycophants have tried repeatedly to assure me that Brickybob will eventually tire of his plan to scrawl pro-pessimism graffiti over everything and will then step aside and let us study the impact of his greed, stupidity, hubris, and outright corruption on society. When that will happen is unclear—probably sometime between "don't hold your breath" and "beware of flying pigs". His policies are a logical absurdity, a series of deductions from a premise that has been denied. Speaking of absurdities, I know some saturnine, stolid bourgeoisie who actually believe that anyone who disagrees with Brickybob is ultimately hate-filled. Incredible? Those same people have told me that it is not only acceptable but indeed desirable to create some lethargic, pseudo-psychological profile of me to discredit my opinions. With such people roaming about, it should come as no surprise to you that the purpose of this letter is far greater than to prove to you how self-indulgent and hectoring Brickybob has become. The purpose of this letter is to get you to start thinking for yourself, to start thinking about how sometimes I think that he is simply a willing pawn of those unpatriotic beggars who spam the Internet with lubricious junk e-mail. I typically drop that willing-pawn notion, however, whenever I remember that Brickybob always cavils at my attempts to express our concerns about his delirious expostulations. That's probably because Brickybob proclaims at every opportunity that he'd never commit acts of banditry and insurgency. The gentleman doth protest too much, methinks. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
