Ask Freek any Question

[Skorpion]

Ahh then let me fix the question. Whats god in the devils eye?

The bastard who fired him.

[Ad Bot]

[Talent74]

Why is autism always pictured as a contagious disease to idiots?

[TheLegomaster]

Why is this guy frowning?

[Skorpion]

Why is this guy frowning?

Because you just used the image as a reply to something or as your opinion on something rather than typing it out as you're lazy.
Or because you used the image in the wrong situation.

[TheLegomaster]

Because you just used the image as a reply to something or as your opinion on something rather than typing it out as you're lazy.
Or because you used the image in the wrong situation.

He was frowning before I put him in my post, so my post couldn't have made him frown.

[Stick Man]

Wanna shuffle?

[Freek]

A stitch in time saves nine what?
Time and nine almost rhyme making for a catchy easy to remember phrase, but you could as easily say, "A stitch in time saves six" or eleven, etc. to get the point.

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
No.

After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Box.

Are female moths called myths?
No.

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
No.

Are there a lot of virgins in the Virgin Islands?
Possibly.

Are there any unguided missiles?
Yes.

Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?
Yes.

Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?
No.

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Stick and dirt.

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Yes.

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Maybe.

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
Maybe.

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?
Yes.

Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?
Hmm, I guess.

Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
No.

Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
In space.

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
No.

Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?
It depends.

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
It depends.

Do boxer shorts box?
NO.

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
No.

Do clowns wear really big socks?
Maybe.

Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
Uhm, I don't think so.

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
No.

Do fish get thirsty?
No.

Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?
No.

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Hahahno.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
No.

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
No

Do Flash Mobers kill only in church?
No

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
No

Do pilots take crash-courses?
Maybe

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
lol maybe.

Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms?
No

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
No

Do steam rollers really roll steam?
No

Do television evangelists do more than lay people?
Maybe

Do vampires get AIDS?
What. No.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Yes.

Do witches run spell checkers?
No

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
No

Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
yes

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
No

Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?
Yes

Does an brown townyst have to be brown town?
Ew no.

Does killing time damage eternity?
No

Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
Yes

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Yes

Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent" press?
Nyes.

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
No

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
No

Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?
No

Have you ever wondered?
Yes

How can someone "draw a blank"?
Write the word "a blank".

How can there be self-help "groups"?
Help yourself.

How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
Who the hell even owns a bagpipe.

How come chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows?
Because that is Fantasy

How come I can pick my ears but not my nose?
Because that is gay

How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Because they don't have friends.

How dead is the Dead Sea?
As dead as your grandfather.

How did a fool and his money get together?
Skype.

How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?
Sundial.

How do I set my laser printer on stun?
Take apart the delorean.

How do they get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
Stick.

How do you get off a nonstop flight?
Parachute.

How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
Google.

How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
You won't get any out.

How do you throw away a garbage can?
Dumpster.

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
You don't, you leave a blank space.

How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word?
Lishp.

How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?
Thermometer.

How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order?
Kindergarten.

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Walk.

How is it possible to have a "civil" war?
Write civil before war.

How is it possible to run out of space?
It is possib-

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
5

How many weeks are there in a light year?
It is a distance not a time.

How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
I'm not dead.

How much milk is there in the Milky Way?
It is chocolate. Not milk.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
As much wood as you have right now.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was? --Satchel Paige
You wouldn't know.

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
In case it is closed on Christmas.

If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
No.

If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
No

If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?
Crunches Numbers.

If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? --Tom Robbins
As slow as your mind, Tom Robbins.

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
No

If a mime commits Self Delete, does he use a silencer? 
No

If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down?
Mindforget. No

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
10 cents.

If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?
No, it's lunch.

If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air?
No

If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?
no

If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain?
no

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Both. He'd die.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Humans.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Google.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
No.

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
Up your ass.

If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting?
Venus.

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?
Because that would be stupid.

If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
No

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
Because she is Cheap.

If bees live in an apiary, do apes live in a beeiary?
No

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
Because they still have sense of touch.

If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them?
YES

If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear?
It's deaf.

If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?
Babies.

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
Germans.

If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of?
My ass.

If flowers don't talk back to you, are they mums?
No

If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show? --Steven Wright
Because he is awesome.

If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it?
NO

If God dropped acid, would he see people?
No.

If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?
Human horse.

If humans have nightmares, what do horses have?
NIGHTHUMANS

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? --Steven Wright
No

If I save time, when do I get it back?
You don't

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Because he is gay.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
It isn't.

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? 
Because we still have humans.

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
Glue.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Yes. >:D

If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?
Ouch.

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
Girls.

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
It got shot by Scout.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Nada.

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
Astronauts.

If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
He is chilly.

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?
They are fat.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
#1 is me.

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
Yes.

If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?
You don't.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? --Art Hoppe
Me.

If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
WE ARE ROBOTS.

If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
Flesh.

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
Yes.

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
Pay to Play.

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
No.

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
No.

If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
For taxis.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Purple.

We will get to those milestones if it kills me.

Whew... god loving damn. 142 more answers.

If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?

If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money?

No. I'm not doing these. forget it.

[Freek]

Not trolling.
Legitimate questions.
I'm sick of these "Ask me a question" topics.
This will overload him. c:

It didn't.

Why is this guy frowning?

He lost his cake.

[Stick Man]

So you don't want to shuffle?

[Qwepir]

No. I'm not doing these. forget it.

I will then.

If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?

Yes. Whether you got caught is completely and totally irrelevant.

If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money?

No because there is no such thing as going negative distance.

[Skorpion]

I will then.
Yes. Whether you got caught is completely and totally irrelevant.No because there is no such thing as going negative distance.

You drive into space.

[.:FancyPants:.]

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes and from Finland Fines?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why is it that you drive on the parkway, and park on the driveway?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?

[Eussorus]

What state do you live in?

[DrenDran]

How long is your snake?

Almost as long as your armpit hair.

[Freek]

What state do you live in?

Delaware