god loving damnit i cant sleep

[CityRPG]

everything hurts


i took melatonin, it's a sleep aid, but it can't overcome all the caffeine so now it's 1am and Im buzzed and here's no alchohol of course because the whiskey and rum are in the freezer in the house now full of maggots chewing away at the disgusting remains of food left in the fridge, because the plastic insulation around the frame melted so it's all rotten everything is loving rotten

you know, i cannot help but to think that despite all the good fortune that has come my way last year there is nothing to look forward to. i envision no people to be happy with, nothing to do. no production can overcome an overwhelming sense of waste and failure and despite my best efforts to look at the bright side the light only hurts my eyes.


how can those with inferior genetics to me be so much happier? i must be at some sort of terminal velocity in terms of IQ; smart enough to understand but not smart enough to purposefully ignore that which is unpleasant. ambitious enough to think, but not enough to do.

what i do know is that i am not the most ambitious of men nor am i the smartest, but i know i deserve better than what i do have and what i do not have is what i want.

i cant lift my left arm up all the way anymore. i hurt myself doing something strenuous. i am crippled. i dont know if it's just a sprain or what but it's lasted about a week and even as i stretch it now i can feel the new found limitations screaming at me, like "you idiot you put 5 pounds on more than you should have when you worked the deltoids and now you have to deal with the consequences of trying to improve yourself"


all i want to do is sleep but i cannot obtain that which i want. the one time i actually wish to relax and enjoy the ether, setting down my rights to work frivolously on a job that does not appreciate me as much as i do it, in favor of sleep, and it does not come.

i see people as investments, and if they are, i am horrible at investing.

i wonder what it's like to appreciate someone as an actual person.


when i have failed people i need to rid the people of the person who has failed them. it would go the same for anyone.


why cant i sleep

[Ad Bot]

[IUV]

You need to unblock me.

I love hearing rants like this.

[Frontrox]

[Visage]

You have to cut off your own balls bro, it's the only way I hate to say it. After you cut them off you will be happy.

[Cybertails1998]

[CityRPG]

You have to cut off your own balls bro, it's the only way I hate to say it. After you cut them off you will be happy.

it's hard to describe that feeling.

all problems come from people. only by completely eliminating desire to talk to people do you become happy.


think about it. you have a small richard. the insecurities related to that must be crushing. would you not be happier if the desires that were associated with your undersized flaccid shrimp of a genitalia were moot? no need for women, no need for something that cannot be changed to be improved, and therefore no angst related to it.

you're free.




i see myself as a provider. to be happy, i must provide.

if i fail at providing i am nothing

[Visage]

it's hard to describe that feeling.

all problems come from people. only by completely eliminating desire to talk to people do you become happy.


think about it. you have a small richard. the insecurities related to that must be crushing. would you not be happier if the desires that were associated with your undersized flaccid shrimp of a genitalia were moot? no need for women, no need for something that cannot be changed to be improved, and therefore no angst related to it.

you're free.




i see myself as a provider. to be happy, i must provide.

if i fail at providing i am nothing

You gotta cut off your balls bro.

[Bloody Mary]

Learn to embrace nothingness.

[Frontrox]

You gotta cut off your balls bro.

Livestream it too!

[Thorax]

Stop staying up so late.

Here's how get back on sleep schedule.
1. Stay up for 24-48 hours until you are really tired.
2. Set an alarm for a reasonable time. If I don't have to wake up earlier, I'll set my alarm for 9AM.
3. Go to bed at a reasonable time. I try to go to bed by 1AM, but make sure I'm in bed by 2AM.
4. Pass out from sleep deprivation.
5. Wake up at that reasonable time. Not get up, turn off alarm, and go back to bed.
6. Function as normal during the day. PROTIP: Despite how tired you might be, don't take naps!
7. Repeat steps 2-7 until you are sleeping regularly.

Other tips: Eat healthy. Drink less alcohol. Work out (don't push yourself to hard).


Also, the night time does things to a man's brain. Makes him have crazy thoughts. You start to stare into the abyss that is the future and realize that you're simply looking at a wall. You try to diagnose yourself, figure out why everything is wrong. Realizing you'll never come to grips with a cure, your only escape is unconsciousness, in the hopes that everything will be better when you awake. The fact is, the next night will be the same. We tend to think that life is a walk, by looking at the negatives we can try to step around them. However, life is more like a plane flight. If you're focusing on the ground, you're not going to go anywhere. Once you start looking up, you'll notice that most the problems will seem to disappear. Instead of focusing on what's "wrong" in your life, look at the bright side.

"Chaos brings order. Who will you allow to lead you blindly till the end? You're like a little girl with a stupid crush. We all sing glory. We all choke ourselves with our own ignorance. There is so much more to life than your stupid desires. Nothing is everything and everything is something. Confused? Troubled? Find the meaning is looking through the vivid transparencies. Dance the night away because tomorrow we will look back and talk about good times now gone forever. Trace lines around the image of your choice. Dance until the end my friend and find joy in every living thing. Optimism is not a choice, it's a belief."

Be grateful you're alive. Be grateful that you have limbs and are not permanently handicapped. Instead of judging, calculating, and fighting other people, try to enjoy their company and heed what they have to say. In the end, the changes you're longing for start with you.

[CityRPG]

id go to bed earlier if i didn't have someone keeping me up late so i can keep them company

i need my rest. my chemistry set is very tempermental.

i think

i dont loving know


those melatonin aare making me drowsy ubt there's this loving branch that keeps hitting the side of this stupid rental and it's keeping me up and it sounds like zombies in th aattict so im going to drink more caffeine



also i love you bloody mary why am i not a lesbian living in oregon

[SeventhSandwich]

I knew Iban would go bonkers because of his sleeping pills.

[Bloody Mary]

id go to bed earlier if i didn't have someone keeping me up late so i can keep them company

i need my rest. my chemistry set is very tempermental.

i think

i dont loving know


those melatonin aare making me drowsy ubt there's this loving branch that keeps hitting the side of this stupid rental and it's keeping me up and it sounds like zombies in th aattict so im going to drink more caffeine

Do not overdose on whatever pharmaceuticals you are using.

[Thorax]

those melatonin aare making me drowsy ubt there's this loving branch that keeps hitting the side of this stupid rental and it's keeping me up and it sounds like zombies in th aattict so im going to drink more caffeine

Counteracting melatonin with caffeine isn't going to make it feel better. If anything, it'll make you more skiddish.

[CityRPG]

Do not overdose on whatever pharmaceuticals you are using.

it's not a pharmeceutaical it's melatonin you cannot overdose on melatonin people have taken like, 10000 grams of the stuff without any side-effects. it is one of the least toxic substances in the world. i think water is less potent.