Author Topic: A poem I wrote - Looking for feedback  (Read 1413 times)

Hey guys.

A few days ago I was in one of my classes where we had some spare time.  For some reason I got inspiration and started to write down on a notepad a poem.  Later that day I finalized it and gave it a name.  Here is what I made...

Please read it all the way through if you want to reply, just so you have all the facts straight.  


Fire Cycle

Fire burns, and fire destroys.
Fire recreates, and fire builds anew.
A cycle God enjoys.
It happens to all, but seems not to seldom few.

Oh, how the great and small fall,
Good men and bad men, peasants and kings.
No matter the country or great wall,
All will burn when fire sings.

As it burns, fire creates life,
To rise from the ashes and reclaim.
Young men good and bad shall walk in strife.
Fire burns all the same.



Another poem posted below

Let there be no doubt in this we talk about.
Let there be no other ear that would hear.
your story I shall not sell, your story I shall not tell.
Turn the key, and now look at me.
Your secret is safe with me, just wait and see.
let our minds be one, once its said it's done.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2012, 09:57:01 PM by Socrates »

Whoa... That was awesome.


Roses are red,
Violets are blue.

Danger ensues,
He knows kung-fu.

Magic short man,
Called Jackie Chan.



He'll whip your ass like the average field brother in 1812.


Roses are red,
Violets are blue.

Danger ensues,
He knows kung-fu.

Magic short man,
Called Jackie Chan.



He'll whip your ass like the average field brother in 1812.

Best feedback I have ever seen, thank you.

Socrates

That's me :D

If anyone wants (No one will want) 

I have other poems like dis 

Damn
get all the bitches with yur poem writing >:P

Damn
get all the bitches with yur poem writing >:P

Thanks, so far it's just my cat.

I have another one that needs work
(Wrote dis one today.)

Let there be no doubt in this we talk about.
Let there be no other ear that would hear.
your story I shall not sell, your story I shall not tell.
Turn the key, and now look at me.
Your secret is safe with me, just wait and see.
let our minds be one, once its said it's done.

(in topic starter now)
« Last Edit: March 15, 2012, 09:56:29 PM by Socrates »

I liked the stanzas progressively more.
First one, meh.
Second one, pretty good!
Third, nice!

Read this by a camp fire
Pretty beast.

Read this by a camp fire
Pretty beast.
Thanks man

I liked the stanzas progressively more.
First one, meh.
Second one, pretty good!
Third, nice!

Thanks for the feedback, this is useful


Quote
Turn the key, and now look at me.

Quote
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart;