Author Topic: Noir - The Sherlock Holmes of Prohibiton [Texty Adverntuuuure!]  (Read 1628 times)

> Pull out pistol and shoot him.

(D 1-3 Miss, D 4-6 Deviate around aim, D 7-9 Near Hit, D 10-11 Direct Hit, D 12 Critical)

Dice roll - 8

Hits him near the back of the leg. He falls and yells in pain. The man is in a brown trench coat, he has a rifle strapped to his back. He has short brown hair, a black fedora, but he can't see his face and front body. The man is gripping his knee in pain.

What do you do?

Grab him, and shove him into a wall where you can see his face and ask him who he is.

Point the end with the hole at the guys face

your
You

When suddenly!

He
He
He

Not that there's anything wrong with your adventure. I like text adventures and I like noir 20s detectives (though noir isn't really going to be a thing until the early 40s, that stuff don't matter cause you're being original).

It's just that you switch between generic singular pronouns "he" and the "generic you" constantly, I can't tell which perspective we're supposed to be viewing this from.

Is it first person and you're telling us what we're doing, or is he his own character and we're a third person audience looking at him?

Is it first person and you're telling us what we're doing, or is he his own character and we're a third person audience looking at him?

Yeah I noticed that too... sorry for not proof reading. It's supposed to say he.

Grab him, and shove him into a wall where you can see his face and ask him who he is.

> Grab him by jacket and shove him and pin him to wall.

He grabs the man by his jacket and pins him to the wall.

"Okay... who the hell are you? Why do you have that rifle."

The man bawls, babbles a bit, it is hard to hear what he's saying.

Point the end with the hole at the guys face

> Confront him at gunpoint.

He points the gun at the man.

"Speak up now or your brains will be painted across the wall!"

The man bawls more, he can hear him intelligibly say "Don't shoot... I'll talk!"

What does he do. The man currently is scared out of his loving mind.