I am really lame

[Night Fox]

first off, I don't have any friends, really. there's one guy who I talk to in homeroom most days, but I don't even like him. and outside of that, I never talk to him. and all during school day, I never talk to anyone unless spoken to. in elementary school, I never talked, period, bc I was really shy and stuff. same for the second chance I had to make friends, in middle school. so I never did make friends. now, in high school, everyone already knows who their friends are, except me, because I don't have any
I don't know what to do. everyone hangs out with their own groups already. I'm afraid that if I try to talk to them, they wont want me there, and they'll get agitated or uncomfortable until I leave
once this past semester, a girl in PE tried talking to me specifically. she even complimented me, saying that she liked my glasses. I said thank you, and then nothing else, bc I didn't know what to say. now, I think I should have returned the compliment, but at the time I didn't. the next day, at some point she told me that I had nice eyes. same damn thing. she didn't try talking to me anymore after that
the first day at lunch in a new class is forgetin nightmare for me. everyone already knows who they're going to sit around. but I have to wait a little, to see where I can sit next to people who I think would be the least likely to care. I hate it
even on the internet ffs. I never start conversations with people on steam or anything. I'm afraid they'll be annoyed. there's only one guy who I know wants to talk, but everyone else I have no idea. even when someone is just playing a game, I don't say anything, whether I want to or not, bc I fear they'll be annoyed at me since they're trying to play a game. and otherwise, just bc I think they don't want me talking to them
so I only talk to one guy regularly. recently I also lost a friend bc of some dumb old stuff. he needed to know, but I still regret telling him

it's so pathetic. and the only reason I'm posting so late is bc I couldn't get to sleep, just like the last time I'd have new classes that day, thinking about how stupid this all is

also, I don't have any plans
like, my future depends on hopefully moving in with someone. I used to have some confidence in college and a job, but I'm severely lacking that now. I have bad grades. especially in math. it's because I'm so lazy, and I don't do enough homework. my biggest achievement was getting an MOS certification in Excel. but what good will that do? maybe it'll help getting a small job whenever, but it's not gonna replace a college degree
and then, if I do get accepted into some college, where will it be? what will it be? some community college close to home (which is not where I want to stay)? I guess that'd be a start, but then I'll be here
I need to stop being lazy

maybe homeschooling? then I wouldn't have to worry about a teacher's pace, and it'd be a familiar, less stressful (for me) environment, and I imagine I'd be more willing to do homework. I think it would help me. but...
idk

anyway, sorry for all the whiny words. I think I just needed to get it all off my chest

[Ad Bot]

[Clone v.117]

So your biggest problem is a lack of confidence.
You should try a range of things to boost your self confidence and more importantly get you out of your comfort zone.
The biggest problem is that being shy and content that it isn't worth trying to interact with others so you will just keep doing your current routine day in and day out is that nothing will ever change, what your used to and comfortable with right now needs to get shaken up.
Try and force yourself to interact with people, playing a game or eating lunch or something, try and find a small group or just one or two people that you may have something in common with or even lacking that, just seem like okay people, and mingle with them no matter how much you don't want to or are afraid.
A lot of fun and self realisation can come from just seeing how you naturally react to what you aren't used too (e.g. joining some social group and then just going with the flow, see how you react to it without trying to plan anything out)

It's not like you have anything to lose, and unless you have gone around assaulting people then others wont hate you and have no reason to shun you from their presence or anything, you wont make any friends by doing what you are doing and you will be surprised at how people will react well to you, your fears of annoying people are just that, fears.
Even if you did annoy them for a minute or two that's not your problem, if you never hang out with them in the end it wont matter in the slightest.

Now one of the biggest roadblocks you are facing right now is the internet.
I know you and a lot of the people here spend a heap of time and energy on the internet but whether or not you have realised it, it sucks away at you.
To get into the socializing-zone you need to spend less time here and more time in the real world, top priorities should be exercise and sleep. Once again like most people here I'm assuming you don't get a lot of sleep and often stay up playing games and talking to people and once again this is draining your life away.
Once you manage to do these things and socialize in the real world you will realise just how much the computers were holding you back.

Good luck and god speed my friend~

[Böltster]

homeschooling definitely isn't the answer, if anything you'd go backwards

are you otherwise happy with your life without being social? is the only thing making you unhappy that you're comparing yourself to other people in how social they are?

[fawkes..]

Everything that Clone said. Also are you good at any sports? Joining a sports team would be a brilliant way to make friends, whether it's football/soccer or rugby or volley-ball or handball or whatever, you'd get to talk to people and become friends over time!

At the moment I also have no proper friends nearby, and trying to find them is hard, but it isn't impossible. I just started at a new school and was as nice as I could be to the people who I had good first impressions of, now I hang around with them at school even though I don't really know them or see them out of school. Just try speaking to people and don't worry if you're annoying them or not, if they're annoyed that someone is trying to be friends with them then you probably don't want to be their friend c;

[dotdothexagon]

I really think that you need to take your life into your hands. Become an hero or something. I mean there are so many things that this world has to offer. Committing social Self Delete by not talking to other people definitely isn't going to get you anywhere. Good luck OP I hope you end this problem quickly.

[lcyGamma]

I believe you should bite the bullet and try to approach people.

It almost never comes to you. You need to put yourself out into situations where you will interact, and if it fails, just take the awkwardness and push on-wards.

It ain't easy but its the only way if you feel socially gridlocked.

[Maxwell23461]

I'm always open to having a steam chat with you <3

[Port]

I'm always open to having a steam chat with you <3

[Night Fox]

but I don't necessarily want the friends. my complaint is just that I don't want to be uncomfortable around everyone else, it's not really about the companionship. I mean, I guess that'd be nice, but it's not as important to me

the homeschooling thing is just about grades

and about the stuff, I don't know how to approach people to begin with. I don't think it would be great to just butt into a conversation they're already having. so, what?

[TheProdWad]

Night Fox add me on Steam if ya want I don't get annoyed at anyone who messages me whether I'm in a game or not. Steam is TheProdWad.

[fawkes..]

Also my steam name is Fawkes, feel free to add it and message me whenever, if we gave any of the same games i'll gladly play sometime?

[Katadeus]

I really think that you need to take your life into your hands. Become an hero or something.

Not obvious at all

[Port]

Also my steam name is Fawkes

that's some very valuable information
there's over 8 pages of people with that name

[Böltster]

i would have recommended the "force yourself to be social" option in the past, but here's what i think now:

you're unhappy and lack confidence because you're comparing yourself to others. it's a horrible habit to be in, but we all do it at some stage. that's what you want to work on. basically, you've grown into an introvert and now you just have to reconcile that.

you can't change yourself into an extrovert, so all you're going to do is spend the rest of your life fighting against the current if you go for the "force yourself to be social" option. there's nothing wrong with being an introvert, the majority of the population are (including me). the key is to just take the self-judgement and thinking out of the picture. if you're ruminating over past conversations thinking of responses you should have said but didn't, you're over thinking. it's not a beneficial habit - all it will do is make you awkward. over thinking how you walk will make you walk like a handicap.

all you need to do is learn to just be happy with what you've got and stay in the moment, you'll find it easier to integrate with people and will become less awkward naturally as a result

get into meditation

[Clone v.117]

over thinking how you walk will make you walk like a handicap.

I can vouch for this.
:c