Jokes Thread

[crunk.com]

men's rights

[Ad Bot]

[Tokerovin]

What is the most confusing day in the ghetto?

Fathers Day.

[Denizen]

So a chicken crossed the road.. to get to the other side!!

LOLOLOLO

that's not even funny anymore

[Clone v.117]

that's not even funny anymore

There was a time when it was funny?

This husband and his wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate love for three hours.
Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

[Space Ninja]

"My grandfather once told me, "When i was a kid, i could go into a store with 1$ and come out with three sacks of potatoes, two loaves of bread, and two gallons of milk. You cant do that these days. Too many security cameras.""

[blueblur121]

What do you do when an idiot is on the forums?
Forget your punch line.

[psychomutt]

i'm not good at story telling, give me some leniency.

once there were two hunters, bob and joe, and they were hunting deer and stuff.

but then, bob accidentally shot himself, and joe freaked out and called 911.

the person on the phone was like, "911 whats your emergency" and joe was like "MY FRIEND SHOT HIMSELF AND I THINK HE'S DEAD", "yes, okay, well you have to make sure he's dead first.", "alright, give me a second" the person on the phone then heard a loud gunshot along with a scream, and when joe came back he asked "OKAY WHAT I DO NEXT"

[Nonnel]

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

[Skyra]

How did the Chicken die?

It was hit by a car while crossing the road.

[jarelash]

A finn, swede and norwegian hadd a contest. Whoever stays in a sauna the longest wins.
Norwegian went first. He was 15 minutes in the sauna, before he gave up. The finn went next. He stayed 6 hours in the sauna, before coming out, sure he was going to win. Well, the swede went next. Hours passed, but nothing was heard of him. After 12 hours they decided to go look at him. "Why are you still in here? you could have came out a long time ago."  The swede got furious. "Could have...but my balls got stuck in the bench!

[Maxx_]

How did the crippled chicken cross the road?
It "egged" it.
 
i am horrible at jokes. :c

[Maxwell23461]

teh holecuast

[Mouse droidz 21]

If apple made a car would it have windows?

[Maxwell23461]

I was water before it was cool.

[crunk.com]

/r/atheism