Paper for English

[Nymph]

Hold on--

[Ad Bot]

[kevin 51l]

so sit back and enjoy the written composure of how I, and most logical people out there, see the world and what we are doing to it.

i stopped reading because of this. just feedback

edit: forget everything i hate editing

[Nymph]

i stopped reading because of this. just feedback

so what, i shouldn't add that in? i need alittle more detail

[Jairo]

so what, i shouldn't add that in? i need alittle more detail

it's very arrogant and puts me off from perceiving what you write next as being factual

[Nymph]

how about now?

[Jairo]

what grade are you in? what sort of terminology are you expected to be using?

[Nymph]

8th grade, and it didn't really matter because its for extra credit.

[ultimamax]

my teacher says you shouldn't use personal pronouns, break the fourth wall, address the reader, etc

[PrototypeCow]

This is pretty much my thinking wright now on have the world has gone down, you would disagree with me but hey, thats the internet. also sorry for two topics in one day, i hate doing that. ALSO sorry for the messed up paragraphing, seeing as this was written for a different purpose i did use word and for some reason it didn't save the format when i copy'd it.


    Let me start out by saying one thing: we as humans are destroying the planet that we live on by draining its resources and killing its other inhabitants. There are a few topics I’m going to go over, so sit back and enjoy the written composure of how I, and most logical people out there, see the world and what we are doing to it never announce what you are going to do unless the teacher told you to do it. the thesis statement shouldn't be that blunt. another say to say this is "Although there are many controversial topics out there, some of them are more vital to our survival as a species and as a people.".
    The first topic I would like to cover is global warming. If you do not believe that the polar icecaps are melting or that climates are rising globally, then you are a moron don't call people derogatories in essays. you should rephrase this into "If one does not believe that the climate is changing for the worst, then they are extremely ignorant." although this is still an insult it sounds less like one. and shouldn't be reading this anyway. As most of you know, a lot of the rising climates are due to the burning of fossil fuels "the failing climate is mainly caused by the burning of fossil fuels." put this after the comma instead of "a lot of the rising climate...". One thing that I have realized is that we don’t need to burn them anymore, yet we still do it.could be replaced with "one thing that I find appalling is that although we do not need fossil fuels, we still expend them and in grat numbers." There are plenty of other options, and if you think the reason is jobs, well think about it, jobs would be created by the manufacture of these renewable options, and maintaining them would also need plenty of people.bigass run-on sentence here. Can be separated into "There are plenty of other options, and if you think the reason for this is because of losing jobs, think again. Jobs would actually be created by the manufacturing of these renewable options, and maintaining them would also require a large workforce. But what we are seeing is a bad cycle of notreplace with "but what we are seeing is a repeating cycle of badly..." maintaining the global climate and continuously burning and extracting the fossil fuels untill they are gone.and Doing so harms the environment and the animals that live in it. You would think that we as humans would care for these kind of things, but no, this topic is commonly looked over as false or unimportant. replace "but no" with "however" We have the power to change this, but no one cares enough to engage them into such an experiment.
    Next topic we have is the abuse of animals.don't announce your topic directly. replace with something like "even though there are profound effects on the environment, our abuse of the earth also hurts the living organisms inside." Commonly hens are put into buildings in which they are stuck in a box maybe a few feet wide with a few other hens, and a rail with their food. They are stuck in this position till they die or somehow are let go. Imagine you inside your house, in your room with four other people your age and now, imagine that you are never to leave. I will admit that our lives are of higher value then there’s because of our surrounding friends and family, but even so they feel these kind of things and hurt because of them. Not only are that but in many countries, animals still skinned alive, or beforehand beaten to death. To me this topic is very serious because, over thousands of animals a year are skinned, just so we can wear a real fur jacket. Even more sad, is that we have developed fake fur, but we are stubborn enough to choose the real thing over a better solution.
    Finally, we are destroying ourselves. One thing that we tend to do as humans is insult and harms each other. What we are made into from the point of birth is caused by what is around us. Homoloveuals are insulted every day, and they shouldn't be, they are human beings and instead of worrying about what other people were made into from either their parents or by what they are born with, we should be standing together and fighting what we believe in like the above two problems. Religious and atheist debates are some of the more conflicting ones. Both theories are impossible to prove, and whichever one you prefer to have faith in is your own personal opinion, and like any other opinion versus opinion debate, no one will win.
    In conclusion, I just think that our world is going to crap plz no colloquial language. try to keep it formal in essays and never put words with negative tones in them unless you want to establish that feeling. . There is still hope in this wonderful world and we can save it if we can stop the destruction of the world and us along with it.


Help would be appreciated with grammar and such.

fixes are in bold. note that this is just my opinion and is not inscribed in stone so please don't treat it as such.

my teacher says you shouldn't use personal pronouns, break the fourth wall, address the reader, etc

also this

[Night Fox]

There are plenty of other options, and if you think the reason is jobs, well think about it, jobs would be created by the manufacture of these renewable options, and maintaining them would also need plenty of people.

this is a bad argument because just as many people, who work with the less sustainable sources of energy, would lose their jobs

[Nymph]

this is a bad argument because just as many people, who work with the less sustainable sources of energy, would lose their jobs

No big change will have a completely positive outcome, but many of those people could move to working with sustainable options. The only bad thing i could see is that some professionals in that category pretty much wasted their time.

OH, and i forgot to say, the paper i posted here is not the real thing. When i copy'ed it here and tried to add paragraphs in i edited it so we could also discuss the topic here and not just talk about my fail writing skills.

[beachbum111111]

I thought the title said "prepare for English"

[Swat 3]

It is always a terrible idea to do first person and talk to the readers.

Unless specified by your teacher, don't do it.

[Night Fox]

No big change will have a completely positive outcome, but many of those people could move to working with sustainable options. The only bad thing i could see is that some professionals in that category pretty much wasted their time.

ok, let's say hypothetically, every person who had a job in oil, coal, etc. industries was able to move directly to the kind of work you're talking about. then there would be no change in employment. so... bad argument
now let's say every person in the problem-industries lost their job, period. and a bunch of jobless people got jobs in the good stuff. then there's technically no change, except you've got a bunch of people who were accustomed to having money being jobless, even if some people who were used to unemployment gained jobs. so, again... bad argument

[Nymph]

ok, let's say hypothetically, every person who had a job in oil, coal, etc. industries was able to move directly to the kind of work you're talking about. then there would be no change in employment. so... bad argument
now let's say every person in the problem-industries lost their job, period. and a bunch of jobless people got jobs in the good stuff. then there's technically no change, except you've got a bunch of people who were accustomed to having money being jobless, even if some people who were used to unemployment gained jobs. so, again... bad argument

Should have stated that renewable resources are normally not as efficient in rates of getting the energy, so there would need to be more of said extractors and manufacturers.

It is always a terrible idea to do first person and talk to the readers.

Unless specified by your teacher, don't do it.

I don't know why i switched between third and first, but oh well.