I suggest scrolling down to read the bolder letters first then comming back to the start, alog side this is typed on a iPod so expect auto correct. If somthing doesn't make sense il be happy to explain it.
Listen, I'd like to start of a quote of "to much shine will dull the soul".
I find throughout the days it's better to keep low and let others destroy themselves or build them. But who cares those are the highs and lows in life.
As a child I remember I would wake up and be social awkward with kids, I was brought up as a independent kid, who had a brother to play with. I never was popular in school, when grade 4 hit my life turned. The kid who went home everyday to play the sims and roller coaster tycoon 2 met people who beaked me a lot. As a younger age and no one to turn to, I couldn't figure out why they would do such things. Later on in life I realize that all majority of kids to trough smiled experiences. But I found mine to be different. My dad was always away from home, and my views on him degraded for each vist home he would do somthing to disaplin me and my brother for my mother never did much because we kept out of her way. I feel bad as a grow older to realize how much ignorance I had st that age for all he wanted to do was spend time with me and my brother because he never really had a dad who was there for him. Guys if I start to not make scenes I'm sorry but I'm not in the best mood. To continue on, kids would make fun of my constantly, added on top of my family life I was a socially awkward sad kid who could break easy. A personal experience I could remember clearly is anonymous yelled hey friend and threw his bag at me, as I said before I broke easy and couldn't cope to understand what I did to him. It turns out he didn't like the way I looked and I slowly became self concious of my self. I would wake up eddy day in the mirror of dread of what could potentially become of that day. This continued to about grade 7-8ish until I slowly changed my act and how I looked and dressed. 9th grade is when I got affiliated with drugs more and I'm not sure if gone down the right path for my daways stresses about what I'm doing with my life, yet for some reason ik I have valid points when I argue. Anyways this is all over.
Long story short to sum this section up, I feel horrible about my childhood because I missed a lot of experiences I wish I could've been to, along side me feeling bad for the way I treated my dad in those years. I wish I could go back and talk one on one with myself and show me the path, but I'm sure everyone wishes they could do that.
Grade 8 is my first "love" we could say, I thought I loved her, I spent almost every second I could with her, I'd love to see her laugh and the nights were we would blaze in the park at 2 am then go back to her house and talk and cuddle is what I missed the most about her, but she showed me that nothing gold can stay because she cheated on me halfway through the year, iforgave because I was stupid then. I got burnt again and fell into my depression. This was the start of it, throughout that year barreling with depression I remember getting rushed to the ER in a police escort because I was close to suicde. I was there for 9 hours on a bed starring at the ceiling waiting for a docter. I apricots now what my mom did for me for I'm glad I didn't commit, life is to short for that. I was so close to death it's hard to comprehend in my mind.
My most recent great sadness was when I realized someone who had the same iterests in me, same sports and general attitude, someone who I spent time into writing conversations for and staying up until 2-3 am just to talk, lead me on. It's sad to see someone like that go, or to get friend zoned such as I did.
Anyways forum that was a short vent of mine, I'm sure I could go on and on, but I'm not in the best mood now, feel free to read whatever you want though, I made this mainly to get the thoughts out and to have a written piece so I can browse through it when I talk to my friend tomorow.
