so i was walkin' down the street with my fur suit, and some guy called me a friend. i pulled out my claws and tore out his jugular; started to run down a few alleys, doin' some pretty loving awesome free-running to escape the scene. (too bad you friends weren't there, you would've been shocked at my amazing skills.)
i jumped over a fence, saw a pitbull, it was asleep, I decided to take this moment and find my fur-snake somewhere deep in my suit. i threw the dogs water on it, and forgeted him in the ass, my 16 inch snake literally killed the dog on the first entry. some cops kicked open the fence gate and i threw the dead dog at them. bucket-loads of semen were flying out of the dogs star fish. they got so confused they checked the dog. twice. forget yeah. i climbed into the dogs owners house and saw his kid sleeping on the couch. i wondered to myself, how could these disgusting humans even exist, my species is superb. dumb humans. i kidnapped the kid, he was screaming under my arm. i stole his dads old '97 GMC Suburban and drove away as quickly as possible, and managed to evade the cops. the kid lied unconscious in the back of the truck. we eventually got to city limits, in an abandoned waste management plant. i took the kid out, waited until he woke up, then questioned him about the human plans to eradicate my species, torturing him via drowning him in the feces that hasn't been cleaned up in the waste management plant. i got so frustrated i repeatedly pounding his glory hole at the same time. feces was everywhere, but oh man it was worth it. he was crying, covered in stuff of hundreds of other people, his own, and my semen.
i went home, jumped on the cough, soaking it in feces and semen, and turned on the tele. CNN, Fox News, CBS News, all those late night shows were loving lit up with this story. and it only took me six hours.
i am a god. fear me MORTALS.
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