Blockland Writes! Megathread wooo (final attempt Broes)

[jac107]

Damn guys you're all such good writers I feel stuffty in comparison. :( I don't really write poetry, the last time I tried it was so stuffty just. . .  ugh. . . But you're all so good at it. How are you guys so loving brilliant?

[Ad Bot]

[Kaiiu]

woops wrong image

[Torin0101]

removed image link -Torin

woah Kaiiu wtf?

[Niff]

Kaiiu, what the forget, its a writing topic, not research. get your facts straight.

[Torin0101]

Kaiiu, what the forget, its a writing topic, not research. get your facts straight.

I wouldn't really call that research as just some weird ass gif

[Niff]

I wouldn't really call that research as just some weird ass gif

iseewhatyoudidthere.jpeg

[RaR]

We play in the grass
Sharing our skittles

Then we got shot by Men's Wearhouse Spokesman

[.:FancyPants:.]

this poem became my favorite when it was introduced to me by vsauce.

[rockslide26]

This is now a writing thread, post stuff you write in here.

[rockslide26]

New poem, get in here Broes, x/10, you know.

Love Poem

Love builds me up high
And tears me right down
The source of this love
A girl colored brown

She bites my arms
We spoon at night
She absolutely melts
At the fire's first light

She once was a friend
Today I told her, no more
This is the end
You selfish whore

She takes all my money
She leaves a long track
I try to dump her
But she keeps coming back

She makes you remember
And makes you forget
And without her each day
You get more upset

You hate the world
You want to commit
Kill yourself, ease the pain
Even one little bit

This girl will save you
With her magical flow
Just one more, one more
Until you finally go

Bumping this topic, rate x/10, get in here

[Otis Da HousKat]

This isn't the white appreciation thread. I got excited for a moment.

Guess I'll go read poetry instead.

[rockslide26]

Okay seriously I'm going to try this again
New poem, x/10 and constructive criticism needed

Freedom

Freedom is earned
Living through life
Freedom is granted
By suffering and strife

Some people control it
And others have no say
I prefer to keep mine
Locked safely away

My freedom is in a safe
A literal box
Fastened with buckles and snaps
And hundreds of locks

But each day that goes by
A lock breaks, falls off
Every stressful event makes one pop
When people laugh, point, or scoff

I can't quite reach it
Not yet, not today
But someday they'll be gone
All the locks fall away

And then it'll be my choice
My freedom comes in two ways
I could be free in death now
Or live out all of my days

I hope I don't live
But I hope I don't die
Either way, I love freedom
It's hello and goodbye

This is my last attempt to bump this thread from death, if it's still not very active then I won't try again, rate x/10 and give constructive criticism if possible, I'm to claiming to be the best and I want to get better

[King of the Bill]

Okay seriously I'm going to try this again
New poem, x/10 and constructive criticism needed

Freedom

Freedom is earned
Living through life
Freedom is granted
By suffering and strife I've hated using the word "strife" but not much rhymes with "life". Suffering makes this line long compared to others in the stanza but otherwise ok

Some people control it
And others have no say
I prefer to keep mine
Locked safely away This line sounds weird, try changing to "safely locked away". Word order is important too folks!

My freedom is in a safe
A literal box
Fastened with buckles and snaps
And hundreds of locks This whole stanza seems odd but I'm not sure how to rephrase it

But each day that goes by
A lock breaks, falls off
Every stressful event makes one pop
When people laugh, point, or scoff This rhyme seems forced but there's not much of a better way to handle it.

I can't quite reach it
Not yet, not today
But someday they'll be gone
All the locks fall away This stanza seems odd because of the different lengths.

And then it'll be my choice
My freedom comes in two ways
I could be free in death now
Or live out all of my days Good enough

I hope I don't live
But I hope I don't die
Either way, I love freedom
It's hello and goodbye All good here

This is my last attempt to bump this thread from death, if it's still not very active then I won't try again, rate x/10 and give constructive criticism if possible, I'm to claiming to be the best and I want to get better

8.5/10 again, you're getting there but the style is identical.
I assume the rating is purely technical and doesn't concern subject matter, of course.

[xbox 360 fan]

summer a poem by me

summer is nice

summer is cool

summer is  warm and fuzzy

but  sometimes too hot

   -the end


i am next shakesphere  ( didn't take this
 for real, next time i'll try harder.)

[RaR]

summer is brutal

summer is unrelenting

summer is melting the flesh off my bones

but no school

   -the end