2 for sure
1. im the greatest
2. when i mean greatest i mean like, we won america. i'm here. i am the apex of evolution. and i know sure, yeah, that's a little egotistical of me to insinuate that but come one like, there's a difference between truth and fiction, and when it comes to true statements i'm also the greatest at those as well. there's this song, i think it's bu drake, where he says "last name ever, first name greatest", and i remember- funny story, i was in this cafe in san mateo because my smart car ran out of carrot juice or whatever the forget it runs on, and i was listening to that on my ipod classic(32 gb represent, that's like 5 million songs???), so i decided i'd go to this starbucks so maybe my smartcar would like make chlorophyll or whatever, and when i was in there i was blasting that through my speakers(earbuds are for chumps, let's face it, my tastes are universal), and it really spoke to me, y'know. but real talk, this lady came up to me and was all "hey, turn your music down, you jerk". now first off let me tell you i don't judge people but she was loving stupid and ugly(both), so i told her "sorry what i couldn't hear you, society's highest echelon is way too high and you're too far away", but i forgot my hot cocoa espresso was still in my mouth so it came out as "ggllbl" and she got covered in the stuff, like man head to TOE i didn't even know my cheeks could contain that level of volume. anyways, i reiterated my statement(which had more effect considering she was cloaked in scalding hot coca water), and she like snatched me by my v-neck and told me about how she came from lithuania and only ate two blades of grass and a potato skin every day, and that a little respect goes a long way, which is weird 'cus she was asian and speaking taiwanese(y'know i don't know if she said that previous statement but if so she's got a nuts metabolism because her fat was enveloping me like a faulty tempurpedic), but anyways i got the forget out of there because she was about to like, shanghai me and i' end up making the shoes i wear, which would admittedly suck
3. i like cats
