Why would you not buy an oversized phone?
Because it does nothing more then the phone in your pocket? and even more it's an iPad mini meaning it's an over sized phone that is slightly smaller then an over sized phone.
It costs $400 that is equal to a Windows tablet:
http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/windows-8/asus-transformer-book-t100That's a full laptop right there in tablet form, that's everything from Photoshop to low end games.
It's processor is a quad core (Only 1.33 GHz but still)
It's 32GB over 16GB space.
It's a 10in screen over a 7.9in
It has 11 hours of Battery compared to 10
Again, why the forget would you buy an over sized over priced phone?
edit: oh and I do know your post is sarcasm but I wanted to expand on it.