GOOB Lethargic Hosting Service - sweeping up a now open market

[Anal Blaze]

origional

Get Out of Blockland
Lethargic Hosting Service

Introduction

As of about an hour ago, GOOB has strived to provide the community with the services, tools and features they need to to tue tue too too tu tu ???? . In the past GOOB has solved problems like how to get rid of those annoying starfishs that won't stop bugging you over IRC or how to easily copy-paste datablocks and replace .PNGs to recolour the default gun, or even how to effectively empty your server by simply having an awful personality - and now we're proud to be able to solve the issue of being able to host a mediocre Blockland server regardless of your physical disabilities or technical nonexistence. This is probably Blockland's first amateur lethargic hosting service, written and designed more or less for Blockland lethargic hosting. Not only do you get access to more or less intact hardware hosted in my grandmama's basement connected to what I'm pretty sure is a modem, but you also get access to GOOB's reasonably safe "third party liaison" system to attempt to control all aspects of your server with no prior hosting experience or technical knowledge.

Features

All aspects of your GOOB-hosted lethargic server are controlled via the GOOB third party liaisons whom can be found in the nearest dark alleyway or tracked down using Craigslist on both potatoes, WiiUs, PS3s, PSPs, potatoes, Xboners, and tablets. There's also an interface coming soon to be mounted directly into your retinal fluids. Mailed Payment & Deployment If you decide you'd like to buy a server you can pay immediately by sending a check to my mom and have your new server in your account ready to be deployed within a month or so. Deployment takes about two additional months once you've sent us your key and social security number, and from there you'll be able to start your server after another few days of processing and checking of validity. Server Liaisons Each server has it's own third party liaison who shows occasional stats about the players, bricks, spam, rapemod, and admins on your server as well as a graph showing data over however long the liaison could be bothered to pay enough attention to gather the data. As the service is developed you'll see more functionality introduced to the liaison. Probably. Eventually. Remote Controlled Car! The most important part of hosting a server is being able to not pay any attention to it and letting your stuffty admins handle everything while you goof off. The included RC Car allows you to goof off in the most juvenile way we could think of, and allows you to go off on your very own Hot Wheels adventure. Requires four AA batteries, not included, and an additional two AAA batteries for the controller. Send us a picture of your car in a badass location and receive a 200 tickets for your lucky Chuck E. Cheese's! Consoling Your Friends With Their Depression Consoling your friends when they're down in the dumps is another vital aspect of running your own server. From the moment you start up your server you'll be baragged with people being depressed about how they don't have as a cool a server or RC Car as you do. We'll let you deal with that; you can feel free to check out our "pay-per-view therapist" service though. Server Logs Each time your server gets shutdown the console.log will be compressed and stored for you to use whenever you feel it's time to become Abraham Lincoln and build yourself a new home from scratch, or when you're on a camping trip and nobody wants to gather their own wood. Simply contact your liaison when necessary and log(s) will reach you within five to seven business days after shipping has been processed. FTL Access You'll be able to access your server using our revolutionary Faster Than Light™ warp drives for an additional cost. Order now and receive 50% off on our on-going sale of the Golden Gate Bridge. Access Control If you have other people help run your server you can give them as much access as you want to your server via additional third party liaisons of almost certainly less reliability than yours. Depending on whether you want them to have full administrative capabilities or just be able to load bricks you can attempt to communicate this to their assigned deaf Mexican men. Server Settings Using the server settings liaison you can change all the settings you'd usually be able to via the GOOB Server Control panel in-game. These settings will be applied after a little while or written down on a dirty napkin for the next time you attempt to start your server if it's offline. You can also attempt to select a default gamemode for your server to use from the list of installed gamemodes on your server. Add-On Management Using the add-ons interface you can view a somewhat organized list of all the add-ons on your server and enable or delete those you need or don't (read: all of them, learn to play vanilla you scrub). Changes to your add-ons will take effect whenever I get around to it. You can use the interface to upload add-ons directly from your potato to your server either by dragging the files you want out of your bedroom into the dumpster behind Mo's (he won't ask any questions) or using the file selection button on the liaison's gross shirt. Also included is the ability to modify add-ons on your server in menial ways like colour editing. Auto-Clearing Your server can be configured to automatically clear all bricks periodically. The clearing system has been written to be both fast and terrifying to the users on your server meaning a clear can be performed during a deathmatch while appearing to players as a flaming apocalypse upon the map. Clears will be automatically wiped from the memory of all present, though there will typically be just enough left to leave a mental scar not unlike PTSD upon them. Brick Management To avoid having to upload bricks in-game you can use the load bricks liaison to either load bricks from your potato to the server. Saves you upload from your potato will automatically be stored in my memory for you to ask me to rebuild in your server whenever you need to without having to re-upload each time. I promise to get it more or less right after some time. Auto-Admin Management Using the auto-admin liaison you can add, change or remove the auto-admin entries you've got on your server to allow you to manage your server administrators wherever you are. Server Chat Using the server chat liaison you can view the chat in your server as of whenever he checked it, talk to yourself without being present and go into a deep existential crCIA as a result. Coming soon will be the ability to ban everybody with a registered BL_ID at will. Colourset Management You're able to upload and manage your colorsets for your server via the colorset management liaison. Uploading a colorset will immediately generate a preview for you to use as well as transfer it to your server ready for you to apply it whenever you realize that there's no loving pure black in Trueno's for some reason. Music Management Using the music management liaison you can see all the music installed on your server and enable or disable those you need or don't (READ: ALL OF THEM). Changes to your music files will take effect once you start or restart your server. You can use the interface to upload music directly from your potato to your server either by dragging the files you want out of your bedroom into the dumpster behind Mo's (he won't ask any questions) or using the file selection button on the liaison's gross shirt. Also included is the ability to corrupt music on your server into hellish noise to summon The Lord Satan Himself if you feel up to it. Auth Key Changing Feeling fabulous? You can now allow someone else to change your server key to make it their own via a brief bribe to your chief liaison. As with the key entry with the deployment liaison, this will require their social security number. Fair is fair. Occasional Activity Stream This feature allows you to see occasional historical events that affect your server, such as great flame wars and political uprisings. Events in your stream can be filtered by three different categories; server mutinies, admin bullstuff and player schemes. The stream doubles as both a reference for what's going on in your server but also an audit log to be able to see exactly who did what and when. We'll even include candid pictures. All admin events contain information about the players involved such as IP and BL ID should you need to investigate any incidents on your server. But let's be real, who even cares? Might makes right, am I right?

Pricing

Give us American money or you're a terrorist 1 Month $4.20 2 Months $15.00 and buy me a hot dog 3 Months $25.00 USD and a lewinsky

Locations

Michigan, USA Our server is in the Detroit metro area with direct connections to at least one of the biggest internet exchanges in the state. This location allows us to maintain the lowest rate of police interest while still managing to keep you safe. More locations will be if I can ever afford a new computer. Support Please use the support flare packed into your liaison's small intestines to send a support signal to us if you have any issues at all. While it's tempting to post in the thread you're actually more likely to get a quicker reply by summoning us directly as I suffer from intense corneal abrasions and will likely notice the flare immediately.                                                                                                                               Screenshots Order Now http://hosting.getoutofblockland.com/

[Ad Bot]

[Alkatjo]

Hahaha.

I'm done.

[0xBRIANSMITH]

I have a hosting service called brown townHosts. It's server runs a Pentium 3 processor, no GPU, and 128kb of RAM. It's storage space is a 50MB floppy disk. It'll start at around $30/month with a $100 setup fee.

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[Plexious]

Is this service DDoS proof?

[Swat 3]

omfg I lost it

[Anal Blaze]

I bet it's not as good as mine!!!!

Wh-wait a minute... Huh.

Is this service DDoS proof?

Supported by ButtFlare™ technology.

[Scriode]

I bet it's not as good as mine!!!!

Nothing could beat this hosting service

[Nal]

Wow, you stole that GUI from Hammereditors hosting service.
GG

[Darksaber2213]

I'll take two.

[Blockzillahead]

im a terrorist :(

[Camel]

Customer testimony:
"I was first disheartened when RTB hosting was shut down, but GOOB helped fill the void left in my heart-Literally! Now that I can finally host my own server, I'll make sure to call it "testing" and leave it passworded until the end of time!"

[Aplem]

I will buy every server you have please.

[Swat 3]

Customer testimony:
"I was first disheartened when RTB hosting was shut down, but GOOB helped fill the void left in my heart-Literally! Now that I can finally host my own server, I'll make sure to call it "testing" and leave it passworded until the end of time!"

Camels cannot talk!

[IdeTheBird]

This is just spam garbage.

[Camel]

This is just spam garbage.

jokes are for blokes