Author Topic: Temporal Trials Through Time and Space! [ACT 1]  (Read 1900 times)

Temporal Trials Through Time and Space



We start our story in the quaint town of Hearthfire in the year 1850, the planet Solace and it's empires are in a golden and prosperous age. However, tensions exist between certain factions.

A young man by the name of Cipher is quiet and asleep. His room is a mess with all sorts of contraptions and machines; for he's a tinkerer and a scientist, one of the best ones around. His alarm clock goes off startling him a little. He pushes the sheets off of him and hops out of bed, well rested and ready for his big day. The constant research has finally come to fruition and he's finally discovered a piece of technology that will finally get him a ticket to total fame. Today he is going to showcase a new military technology that would revolutionize the way soldiers could fight. He liked to call it the EXO, an exoskeletal combat mech. He has the prototype waiting in the garage, sitting there waiting for his friend to pick it up for him. Before leaving his bedroom, Cipher goes into his drawer and gets his key fob for the EXO. "Can't leave without it", he says. He exits the bedroom and walks down the hallway and down the stairs to the main foyer where he is greeted by his mother. "There's my little genius!", she hugs him, "So did you get a good sleep last night". "Yeah, kinda anxious about today", Cipher replies. "I know you'll impress them, you always put on a good show...", she's cut short be the sound of the door bell, "Oh! That must be your friend Maria. I'll leave you too to get to your little expo". Cipher opens the door and Maria stands there. "Hi Ci (pronounced like "psy" or "sigh" without the emphasis on the h), how are you? You ready?". "Heck yeah, let's get the EXO out of the garage and on the trailer". Cipher opens the garage and Maria backs her truck to the mouth of the garage. Cipher hooks the trailer carrying the EXO onto the hitch of the truck and rides "shotgun" in the truck. They drive off to the convention center where the expo is being held. They drive up to the back of the building where they can easily get it in. Cipher gets out of the truck and hops into the EXO, powering it on with the key fob. He moves it in backstage and hops out. "Perfect, now here's your favorite part... talking to some old men about your projects", she says sarcastically. Cipher sneers and whines, "Do I have to?". "Yeah, if you want support. Now go out there and talk to everyone." Cipher walks out of the auditorium to the main hall where all the investors have gathered to view new inventions and innovations. There are a couple particular/outstanding people in the crowd that Cipher could probably talk to. One of them is Henry, also known as the "Bulldog". He's a rich nobleman whose family has practically kept this empire, Cyrannius, alive. He's upbeat and enjoys Cipher quite a bit. Then there's Elaine, an elegant but intelligent young woman. She owns Core Inc., a multinational corporation that owns most of the Cybernetics and Robotics research industry. But there is one last face that really stands out from the crowd, a peculiar hermit known as Myst. He's an eccentric whose name fits his behavior. However, he seems to take a liking to some of the inventions around the convention center. Who should Cipher speak to first?


paragraphs please

like i don't mean to be dismissive or anything and this isn't 100% unreadable but it's annoying to read like this
« Last Edit: July 19, 2014, 11:48:10 AM by Yosher »

Trials In Tainted Space is better.

But yeah, gotta agree with Yosher, paragraphs would make it much prettier.

paragraphs please

like i don't mean to be dismissive or anything and this isn't 100% unreadable but it's annoying to read like this

I'll remember to do so. Sorry about that.

Any actions to recommend tho?

Myst.

The dialogue is very predictable and generic, it could use some work.

Cipher weaves through the crowd to reach Myst. Myst is looking around, by himself, people pass by him but never stop and talk to him. Cipher reaches Myst and delivers an upbeat greeting.

Myst just shrugs and nonchalantly says, "Hello... let me guess, you're Cipher. I'm Myst, I've taken a fascination to your machines. They are... how you call... unique."

"Thanks?", Cipher replies.

"No... not like that, I really love their design and creativity", Myst reasons, "You may not see it, but I love your inventions. Listen, do you think I could get a little 'sneak peak' on your newest creation?"

Should Cipher give a bit of a preview to his invention?




Indecisive, flip a coin: heads = he does; tails = he doesn't.

Flipped tails.

"Eeeeeh... I'd rather not", Cipher replies.

"Oh well... that's a shame, I really wanted to know", he says disappointed. "Well, that's okay... I guess. We'll just have to find out for ourselves." Myst distances himself a little and Cipher just slowly walks away.

Who should he talk to next?



Uh.

Call your mom with the phone you most definitely have and ask how she's doing.

Talk to Elaine
She might have a way to build upon it

Cipher crosses the crowd again to get to Elaine. Elaine is talking with some other possible investors. She's quite the charmer; long blonde hair, an elegant off-white dress, cherry lipstick and a faint amount of eyeshadow. She sees Cipher coming and greets him happily.

"Hello! What's the tinkerer of Hearthfire been up too?"

Should Cipher tell her about the Exo?