SCP-[even number]-J

[Stick Man]

http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-even-number-j

Yup, an SCP Foundation Mad Libs that I had only now just discovered.

Fill it out and post em'.

[Ad Bot]

[HerpaDerp]

Item #: SCP-richard-J

Object Class: 30

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-richard-J is to be kept in a rooster-lined containment chamber located in Equestria, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than .69 brown town Penetrator armed with Hookers.

In the event that SCP-richard-J ever begins Sucking its star fish, richard Surgeon is to forget SCP-richard-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force D-7 (''How I forgeted your Dad'') is to be dispatched to SCP-richard-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-richard-J is a gay Tranloveual Tumblr User. Like most members of its species, it is able to loving Gays, and regularly eats twice its own weight in rooster each day.

SCP-richard-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with richards, which causes it to turn into love. Whenever this happens, all entryS within a 69 kilometer radius will begin to Penetrate uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Ron Jeremy. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-richard-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-richard-J was first located in transmissionTown where the Colossal roosterblockers were using it in order to MAKE EVERYONE HOMOloveUAL. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force D-7 (''How I forgeted your Dad'') was able to recover the object with only 69 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log richard-1

Dr. richardwafer: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr richardwafer, and I am about to test SCP-richard's reaction to friend. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Butt?
Dr. Butt: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. richardwafer: Excellent! I am now introducing the friend to richard... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Butt: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

richardwafer: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN snake! IT'S GOT MEIN snake! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident richard-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

[Taboo]

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-53-J

Object Class: Radical

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-53-J is to be kept in a Spaghetti-lined containment chamber located in Amazon.com, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Stripper armed with Wii's.

In the event that SCP-53-J ever begins forgetin' its epiglottis, Mom is to meet SCP-53-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force richard-7 (''Wheezing Old Women'') is to be dispatched to SCP-53-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-53-J is a Massive octopi. Like most members of its species, it is able to Running Sanic, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Spaghetti each day.

SCP-53-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with dingles, which causes it to turn into cart. Whenever this happens, all brown towns within a 142 kilometer radius will begin to butting uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to You. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-53-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-53-J was first located in Blockland where the Redskins were using it in order to leave the blockland forums. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force richard-7 (''Wheezing Old Women'') was able to recover the object with only 235829 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 53-1

Dr. Riddler: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Riddler, and I am about to test SCP-53's reaction to butt. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Cordeiro?
Dr. Cordeiro: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Riddler: Excellent! I am now introducing the butt to 53... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Cordeiro: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Riddler: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN finger! IT'S GOT MEIN finger! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 53-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

[Camel]

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-23-J

Object Class: helter-skelter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-23-J is to be kept in a sriacha-lined containment chamber located in incredible-jail, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 smortician armed with funky trash.

In the event that SCP-23-J ever begins suckling its palm, dr.forget is to blast SCP-23-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force @-7 (''sonic x season 2 '') is to be dispatched to SCP-23-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-23-J is a burly platypus. Like most members of its species, it is able to run da money, and regularly eats twice its own weight in sriacha each day.

SCP-23-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with nips, which causes it to turn into anime chik. Whenever this happens, all CRAPS within a 26 kilometer radius will begin to UUUNdermine uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to judy dench. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-23-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-23-J was first located in paxtonbury where the jetz were using it in order to demand low prices. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force @-7 (''sonic x season 2 '') was able to recover the object with only millions upon tens civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 23-1

Dr. becklebruckenheimer: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr becklebruckenheimer, and I am about to test SCP-23's reaction to funk. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr bunk?
Dr. bunk: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. becklebruckenheimer: Excellent! I am now introducing the funk to 23... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. bunk: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

becklebruckenheimer: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN philange! IT'S GOT MEIN philange! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

[Stick Man]

Item #: SCP-h0r53-J

Object Class: 4chins

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-h0r53-J is to be kept in a spaghetti-lined containment chamber located in Badspot's research website, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Gaymers armed with Mountain Dew cans.

In the event that SCP-h0r53-J ever begins loving its schlong, Badspot is to stroke SCP-h0r53-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force θ-7 (''Seinfeld'') is to be dispatched to SCP-h0r53-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-h0r53-J is a perfectly sane pony. Like most members of its species, it is able to inflate inexplicibaly, and regularly eats twice its own weight in spaghetti each day.

SCP-h0r53-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with stuff, which causes it to turn into an SCP that isn't dangerous. Whenever this happens, all sharks within a 6 kilometer radius will begin to interject uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Nicholas Cage. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-h0r53-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-h0r53-J was first located in Deathville where the Steelers were using it in order to destroy the entire universe. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force θ-7 (''Seinfeld'') was able to recover the object with only 69,696,969 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log h0r53-1

    Dr. Riddler: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Riddler, and I am about to test SCP-h0r53's reaction to turtle. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Stick?

    Dr. Stick: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

    Dr. Riddler: Excellent! I am now introducing the turtle to h0r53... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

    Dr. Stick: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

    Riddler: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN snake! IT'S GOT MEIN snake! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

    END LOG

[Renousim]

Item #: SCP-665-J

Object Class: Dangerous as forget

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-665-J is to be kept in a Asparagus-lined containment chamber located in Fort Knox, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Cool Guys armed with a Lighter.

In the event that SCP-665-J ever begins Killing its snake, Obama is to Beat SCP-665-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''Breaking Bad'') is to be dispatched to SCP-665-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-665-J is a Bad Dog. Like most members of its species, it is able to Ejeculate, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Asparagus each day.

SCP-665-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Tupac, which causes it to turn into Chicago. Whenever this happens, all Vaginas within a 554 kilometer radius will begin to Eat uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Eminem. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-665-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-665-J was first located in FakeTown where the Patriots were using it in order to Exterminate The Jews. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''Breaking Bad'') was able to recover the object with only 999 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 665-1

Dr. Heinz: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Heinz, and I am about to test SCP-665's reaction to Dog. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Tipton?
Dr. Tipton: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Heinz: Excellent! I am now introducing the Dog to 665... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Tipton: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Heinz: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN Eyeball! IT'S GOT MEIN Eyeball! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 665-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█


its got mein eyeball

[Honno]

SCP-Madlibs

[WaterOre]

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-39-J

Object Class: Lucid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-39-J is to be kept in a pasta-lined containment chamber located in Area 51, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3 apiarists armed with Pencils.

In the event that SCP-39-J ever begins flapping its ankle, Dr. Lockwood is to flog SCP-39-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Epsilon-7 (''Gravity Falls'') is to be dispatched to SCP-39-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-39-J is a slimy olm. Like most members of its species, it is able to crap sparks, and regularly eats twice its own weight in pasta each day.

SCP-39-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with ostriches, which causes it to turn into fire. Whenever this happens, all vending machine within a 38 kilometer radius will begin to throb uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Johnny Depp. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-39-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-39-J was first located in Highgate where the Redskins were using it in order to Enslave humans. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Epsilon-7 (''Gravity Falls'') was able to recover the object with only 4783 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 39-1

Dr. Klein: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Klein, and I am about to test SCP-39's reaction to triangle. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Cipher?
Dr. Cipher: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Klein: Excellent! I am now introducing the triangle to 39... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Cipher: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Klein: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN uvula! IT'S GOT MEIN uvula! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 39-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

MEIN UVULA

[rygold]

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-1-J

Object Class: John

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1-J is to be kept in a John-lined containment chamber located in John, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 John armed with John.

In the event that SCP-1-J ever begins John its John, John is to John SCP-1-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force John-7 (''John'') is to be dispatched to SCP-1-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-1-J is a John John. Like most members of its species, it is able to John, and regularly eats twice its own weight in John each day.

SCP-1-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with John, which causes it to turn into John. Whenever this happens, all John within a 2 kilometer radius will begin to John uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to John. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-1-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-1-J was first located in John where the John were using it in order to John every Johning word. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force John-7 (''John'') was able to recover the object with only 1000 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 1-1

Dr. John: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr John, and I am about to test SCP-1's reaction to John. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr John?
Dr. John: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. John: Excellent! I am now introducing the John to 1... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. John: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

John: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN John! IT'S GOT MEIN John! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 1-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

[blockguy™]

Code: [Select]

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-3-J

Object Class: Holy stuff IT'S A loving DINOSAUR

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3-J is to be kept in a Noodles-lined containment chamber located in Bank , where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Computers armed with Walmart Shoes.

In the event that SCP-3-J ever begins Pooping its right testicle, Lt. Dunnsky is to doing SCP-3-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''Nippleton'') is to be dispatched to SCP-3-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-3-J is a Purple Cat. Like most members of its species, it is able to Being a Black monday, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Noodles each day.

SCP-3-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with friends, which causes it to turn into money. Whenever this happens, all money within a 6 kilometer radius will begin to eating uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Cameron Diaz . Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-3-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-3-J was first located in Dinguston where the Denver Broncos were using it in order to to steal all of the money. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''Nippleton'') was able to recover the object with only 69 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 3-1

Dr. Nien: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Nien, and I am about to test SCP-3's reaction to Noodles. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr bob?
Dr. bob: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Nien: Excellent! I am now introducing the Noodles to 3... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. bob: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Nien: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN Left Nipple! IT'S GOT MEIN Left Nipple! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 3-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

[TableSalt]

Item #: SCP-√-1-J

Object Class: teh most epicestestest everesty spc evar!!!1

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-√-1-J is to be kept in a sandpaper-lined containment chamber located in a treehouse, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than i cant even dancing armed with dust.

In the event that SCP-√-1-J ever begins inging its is this heaven, piano is to ayy lmao SCP-√-1-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force 666-7 (''ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ'') is to be dispatched to SCP-√-1-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-√-1-J is a jump amoeba. Like most members of its species, it is able to verbnoun, and regularly eats twice its own weight in sandpaper each day.

SCP-√-1-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with hi, which causes it to turn into [REDACTED]. Whenever this happens, all i might be high within a ~6 kilometer radius will begin to my cat uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to a teddy bear. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-√-1-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-√-1-J was first located in Isotopia where the FOOTBALL were using it in order to eat a pencil. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force 666-7 (''ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ'') was able to recover the object with only 10000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000 x 189457283 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log √-1-1

Dr. ur mom: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr ur mom, and I am about to test SCP-√-1's reaction to doorknob. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Popsicle?
Dr. Popsicle: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. ur mom: Excellent! I am now introducing the doorknob to √-1... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Popsicle: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

ur mom: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN money! IT'S GOT MEIN money! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident √-1-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

[Heitmeyer²]

[Pwnon]

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-53-J

Object Class: Cuddly Cute

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-53-J is to be kept in a Pizza-lined containment chamber located in fort knox, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3 Doctors armed with whores.

In the event that SCP-53-J ever begins loving its head, poopyhead drake is to gank SCP-53-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force r-7 (''Family Swag'') is to be dispatched to SCP-53-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-53-J is a Scary sheep. Like most members of its species, it is able to spinning blade, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Pizza each day.

SCP-53-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with eels, which causes it to turn into space. Whenever this happens, all pencils within a 2 kilometer radius will begin to pee uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to bill gates. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-53-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-53-J was first located in Littlebigland where the Steelers were using it in order to blow up the moon. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force r-7 (''Family Swag'') was able to recover the object with only 129405 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 53-1

    Dr. Schuster: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Schuster, and I am about to test SCP-53's reaction to Pencil. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Groph?

    Dr. Groph: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

    Dr. Schuster: Excellent! I am now introducing the Pencil to 53... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

    Dr. Groph: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

    Schuster: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN arm! IT'S GOT MEIN arm! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

    END LOG

In light of incident 53-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

[Kohoutek]

I did this twice
with Heitmeyer

[SgtDaemon]

Code: [Select]

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-69-J

Object Class: 18+ XXX

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-69-J is to be kept in a Cocaine-lined containment chamber located in -side someone's bras, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than A number greater then one BLF users armed with 20 $1 Hookers.

In the event that SCP-69-J ever begins sniffin its snake, Badspot is to Noscope SCP-69-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force MLP-7 (''Nine-richarded Furry'') is to be dispatched to SCP-69-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-69-J is a pretty loving high richardanosaurus Rex. Like most members of its species, it is able to Eat stuff, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Cocaine each day.

SCP-69-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with some fukken stuff, which causes it to turn into the worlds best dong. Whenever this happens, all drugs within a 420 kilometer radius will begin to smoke themselves uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Rotondo. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-69-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-69-J was first located in forgetsville where the The Carolina roostersuckers were using it in order to become the world's most famous professional noscoper. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force MLP-7 (''Nine-richarded Furry'') was able to recover the object with only 1337 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 69-1

Dr. Adolf: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Adolf, and I am about to test SCP-69's reaction to buttghost. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Pooplord?
Dr. Pooplord: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Adolf: Excellent! I am now introducing the buttghost to 69... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Pooplord: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Adolf: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN richard! IT'S GOT MEIN richard! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 69-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█