Normally I'd write this kind of thing on my blog, but tonight I want to be a part of blogland.
Just, forget me.
I knew, even since last year, I was supposed to be building a metric stuff-ton of games, animations, images etc so when it came to right now, I'd be prepared. But of course, I'm a rooster, I ignored my own advice and now I'm not sure how forgeted I am.
This term in Internship Prep. That means by the end of term, I'm supposed to have applied for multiple Internships and get successful with at least one of them, so I can fulfil my 200 hours. What's absolutely fantastic is that the teacher literally said Game Designers have it the worst; fashion designer, business student, photographer etc Interns are in high demand. But unfortunately, the Games Industry down here is really tiny, and so we only have a few Internship spots available. That in and of itself is already pretty terrifying odds, but it then gets combined with the fact that hundreds of other game design students in my state alone are also preparing to do internships, and it's so much more likely they've got pretty loving awesome portfolios.
One of my classes is about making various portfolio material; stuff like business cards, demo reels, websites etc. I was making a website today, and I've already started freaking out over how stuffty all my content is. I've made nothing impressive whatsoever. Everything is utter crap, and it doesn't help that the web site design is bollocks too.
I want a good Internship. I would love to be one of the few who get to be an Intern Narrative Designer, since that's exactly what I do best, but I really don't like my chances right now.
Now, you could say, "Go and make some games you lazy stuff?" Not easy when I'm juggling 3 class-loads, paid writing work, working on long-term game project with a friend and then search for more work, because apparently people around here want my money so badly and they don't particularly think writing is a "real job". Let's not forget the insomnia, either. By the time I can sit down at my currently malfunctioning laptop, I've got barely any energy left in me to want to build games. I can do the designs fine, but I'm having issues motivating myself to build the content (programming, graphics, wiring it all together etc), and it doesn't help that I think everything I've built so far is a total crock of stuff.
What do I do, Blogland? I don't have enough rope to hang myself so I'm going to have to find a better solution to this problem.