I frequently think about cheating on my boyfriend, even though I swore to myself I would never do it. He cheated on me less than a year ago, but that is the only mistake he has ever made throughout our two year relationship. He is the sweetest, most generous guy I have ever met. He is well above average on the attractiveness and intelligence scale; and I want him on a daily basis. It is for those reasons I don't want to dump him nor break his heart, but at the same time, he is my first boyfriend ever. I don't know if I'm making a mistake by considering marrying him. If I marry him, I'm obligated to remain loyal to him, but that would mean I would never be able to explore. I want to explore, but I don't want to lose such a catch; I don't even want to risk it. He is husband material, I know it in my heart and mind. If I leave him, someone else will snatch him up and never let go.
I'm so torn that it makes me feel like such a piece of stuff, but I can never tell him that. He would tell me to explore and that he would be waiting, but I'm afraid that isn't true. He might believe it, but he is also forgetful and would soon forget me and my bland ways. I'm so torn...
