>be spessmen in ss13
>suddenly get an otherworldly mission to spread word of the elder god ZEUL
>alright
>finds the station clown and drags him back into a maintenence tunnel
>voice in my head booms and catches me off guard
>"I'M GOING TO CALL YOU CURLY. CURLY, TELL THE CLOWN MY WORD. GET HIM TO JOIN YOU ON YOUR GREAT CRUSADE."
>alright
>inscribes a rune from my own blood that brings the clown into our cult
>we shake hands and then decide to leave a locker on the rune while i go get some stuff to clean it up
>i wander around, occasionally praying to my new god and am lavished in his favor
>find some spesscleaner, returns to the rune
>detective is scanning the blood
>osht.jpg
>i hide behind a wall and put on a mask
>i run up and push him into the locker, lock it shut, and weld it, burning my unprotected eyes in the process
>meanwhile my god is lavishing me with praise and favor
>"THAT WAS VERY BRAVE. DO NOT KILL HIM. WE CAN USE HIM. LEAVE HIM HERE."
>i clean the rune and leave to go forget with the station's priest
>about an hour passes, Zeul and i completely forget about the detained detective
>security officer approaches me, asks me to come in for questioning
>zeul's voice booms in my head, "DO NOT GET DETAINED. DO NOT FAIL ME."
>sweats
>officer takes me into the brig, detective is there very malnourished
>he starts showing me pictures of this rune, asking me if i've ever been into maintenence, etc
>"uh no sir"
>zeul's voice booms in my head again
>"CURLY, YOU HAVE FAILED. YOU ARE OF NO USE TO OUR CRUSADE. END YOUR LIFE NOW."
>i pray to my god, begging for an alternative, but feel his favor leave me
>forget it
>i pull out my handgun i got from some random-ass scientist
>stick it in my mouth
>a security officer pushes me over and i drop the gun
>we all start fighting for it
>i get cornered by the detective and two guards
>detective starts demanding i admit my involvement with the cult
>i reach out for my god and he reassures me
>i proceed to twist my own neck in front of everyone, causing one of the guards to puke
>dead within seconds
>zeul tells the rest of the cult i've become ethereal and must be resurrected
>the cult spreads to about nine or so members
>emergency shuttle is called, zeul has gone silent, and the cult is unorganized
>i ascend into godhood and proceed to command the cult, preparing to summon the elder god Nar'sie
>order them to meet in the bar and begin the summoning, they get extremely close but security and the loving detective break in and start murdering cult members
>everyone is frantically yelling in these elder languages, the emergency shuttle abandons us all, people are screaming to get near the loving rune
>zeul is still gone, the cult is subdued and murdered, blood everywhere all over the bar
>i never get resurrected but godhood is cool too i guess
>ended up still somehow getting a cultist minor victory
>our god zeul went missing and never returned
TL;DR: i founded a dark religion, my main goal was to summon our dark lord to destroy the station, one of my gods told me to convert a clown, detective found out, i killed myself during interrogation, ascended to godhood when zeul abandoned us, he nicknamed me curly for whatever reason
this is actually not an uncommon round in space station 13 but whatever