Bobahs viewing Steve's profile, prepare for some fire.
You think I'm going to get him? You are very mistaken.
I am writing this letter rather reluctantly. I do not wish to begin an incendiary debate about Chairwoman Kidplasma's protests. However, Kidplasma has recently made a few statements that I find disturbing to such a degree that I cannot remain silent. By way of introduction, let me just say that Kidplasma is doubtlessly exasperated by the limitations that have thus far denied him the ability to plunge us into the dark abyss of annihilation. Understanding this generates a premise for getting people to see through the hollowness, the sham, the silliness of Kidplasma's randy orations. Furthermore, it leads in turn to an understanding of how he should work with us, not step in at the eleventh hour and hog all the glory.
If you think about it you'll see that Kidplasma's caustic plans for the future are merely a distraction. They're just something to generate more op-ed pieces, more news conferences for media talking heads, and more punditry from people like me. Meanwhile, Kidplasma's associates are continuing their quiet work of advancing Kidplasma's real goal, which is to worsen an already unstable situation. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the main dissensus between me and Kidplasma is that I contend that Kidplasma's imperium is a brain-damaged cult based on hatred and exploitation. Kidplasma, on the other hand, avows that anyone who disagrees with him is a potential terrorist. His patsies portray themselves as fervent believers in freedom of speech and expression but are loath to reveal that Kidplasma's primary goal is to erect a shrine of onanism. All of his other objectives are secondary to this one supreme purpose. That's why you must always remember that if Kidplasma could have one wish, he'd wish for the ability to poison the relationship between teacher and student. Then, people the world over would be too terrified to acknowledge that I don't just want to make a point. I don't just want to establish clear, justifiable definitions of totalism and desperadoism so that one can defend a decision to take action when Kidplasma's zealots introduce more restrictions on our already dwindling freedoms. I'm here to give an alternate solution, a better one. I don't just ask rhetorical questions; I have answers. That's why I'm telling you that Kidplasma avouches that his gibes will universally benefit all mankind. In reality, his gibes will benefit only those jejune ogres who encourage and exacerbate passivity in some people who might otherwise be active and responsible citizens. As I like to say, you cannot link arms under a universalist banner when you can't find your own name on it. By that I mean that Kidplasma believes that embracing a system of rowdyism will make everything right with the world. The real damage that this belief causes actually has nothing to do with the belief itself but with psychology, human nature, and the skillful psychological manipulation of that nature by Kidplasma and his self-centered, fatuitous cronies.
Concrete examples abound of ways to tackle the multinational death machine that Kidplasma is currently constructing. For instance, consider that Kidplasma counts the most vainglorious publishers of hate literature you'll ever see as his friends. Unfortunately for him, these are hired friends, false friends, friends incapable of realizing for a moment that Kidplasma will marginalize the traditions and truths upon which our nation's greatness sits one of these days. Alas, this is not a tinfoil-hat conspiracy theory. It is cold, hard fact. A related fact is that a central fault line runs through each of Kidplasma's communications. Specifically, Kidplasma's subordinates are quick to point out that because Kidplasma is hated, persecuted, and repeatedly laughed at, he is the real victim here. The truth is that, if anything, Kidplasma is a victim of his own success—a success that enables Kidplasma to hamstring our efforts to solve the problems of conformism, anarchism, economic inequality, and lack of equal opportunity.
It is immature and stupid of Kidplasma to stigmatize any and all attempts to provide you with a holistic and thematic history of his querimonious publicity stunts. It would be mature and intelligent, however, to give him condign punishment, and that's why I say that just as night follows day, he will force us to tailor our catch-phrases just to suit his juvenile whims sooner than you think. Call me old-fashioned, but when he says that hanging out with poxy roisterers is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience, that's just a load of spucatum tauri.
Kidplasma just reported that he is a man of peace. Do you think that that's merely sloppy reporting on Kidplasma's part? I don't. I think that it's a deliberate attempt to invade every private corner and force every thought into an irritable mold. He seizes every opportunity to nurture the seeds of our eventual destruction so that they grow like a rapidly malignant mutant form of kudzu. I cannot believe this colossal clownishness. Any sane person knows that Kidplasma is widely seen as unforgivable for compromising the things that define us, including integrity, justice, love, and sharing. Expect him to lie low for a while and allow public amnesia to expurgate the immediacy of his sins. Afterwards, he'll indeed return to preventing the real problems from being solved. My hope, though, is that the second time around, people will be aware of the fact that Kidplasma wants to undermine everyone's capacity to see, or change, the world as a whole. Faugh.
Now let's go back to what I was saying earlier about how we must take the initiative to speak truth to power in such a way that there is nothing Kidplasma can do about it except learn to live with the fait accompli. As I previously stated, his occasional demonstrations of benevolence are not genuine. Nor are Kidplasma's promises. In fact, if we let him deface property with racially and loveually derogatory epithets and offensive symbols, then greed, corruption, and Chekism will characterize the government. Oppressive measures will be directed against citizens. And lies and deceit will be the stock-in-trade of the media and educational institutions.
Kidplasma's declamations cannot stand on their own merit. That's why they're dependent on elaborate artifices and explanatory stories to convince us that free speech is wonderful as long as you're not bashing Kidplasma and the wanton, short-sighted criminal masterminds in his guild. We must compile readers' remarks and suggestions and use them to redefine in practical terms the immutable ideals that have guided us from the beginning. Only then can a society free of his disreputable, balmy practices blossom forth from the roots of the past. And only then will people come to understand that the last time I told his collaborators that I want to express our concerns about his condescending prank phone calls they declared in response, “But profits come before people.” Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. Kidplasma's phalanx of humorless, stingy knee-biters is not a cultural or religious assemblage, as Kidplasma purports it to be. Rather, it serves an overtly political purpose—and hard-core political at that.
Kidplasma truly believes that he is a model citizen. I hope you realize that that's just a savage pipe dream from a nefarious, narrow-minded pipe and that in the real world, we must soon make one of the most momentous decisions in history. We must decide whether to let Kidplasma convince impressionable young people that he is entitled to prepare the ground for an ever-more vicious and brutal campaign of terror or, alternatively, whether we should bring fresh leadership and even-handed tolerance to the present controversy. Upon this decision rests the stability of society and the future peace of the world. My view on this decision is that we've all heard Kidplasma's pontifical pronouncement that he is a martyr for freedom and a victim of imperialism. Obviously, that conclusion is based on unconfirmed gossip, questionably-sourced reports, and blatant speculation, but it's also the case that our national media is controlled by bloody-minded jackanapes. That's why you probably haven't heard that whenever Kidplasma attempts to form the association in the public's mind between any malisons he disagrees with and the ideas of hate and violence and illegality, he looks around waiting for applause as if he's done something decent and moral rather than scurrilous and neo-callous.
Everyone ought to read my award-winning essay, “The Naked Aggression of Kidplasma”. In it, I chronicle all of Kidplasma's methods of interpretation from the loveist to the infantile and conclude that Kidplasma's cabal is an island of repression in a sea of freedom. One should therefore conclude, ipso facto, that life is a search for the true, the good, and the beautiful. It is not, as he claims, an excuse to smear people of impeccable character and reputation.
I clearly maintain that we should brush away the cobwebs of resistentialism, and I have formalized my commitment to this high ideal by ensuring that I always do something good for others. I must ask that Kidplasma's thralls, who are legion, lend support to the thesis that learning the truth can be a painful experience, especially for Kidplasma. I know they'll never do that so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to palm off our present situation as the compelling ground for worldwide neopaganism. The recent outrage at Chairwoman Kidplasma's hastily mounted campaigns may point to a brighter future. For now, however, I must leave you knowing that it is important to realize that he has been snaffling far more than his fair share of attention.