NEIL DRUCKMANNUm, what about the Vita one?ANDREW HOUSENeil Druckmann, everybody.SCRIPT SUPERVISOR NOTE: NOBODY IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS EVER HAPPENED[NEIL DRUCKMANN TO AWKWARDLY LEAVE AND BE REPRIMANDED BACKSTAGE BY KAZ HIRAI FOR REMINDING VIEWERS THE VITA EXISTS]
HIDEO KOJIMAHello everyone. In 2013 I showed Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain during the Microsoft E3 conference. In 2014 I showed it again, this time during the Sony E3 conference. This year I am contractually obliged to show it once more, after which I will be done with shilling this loving game for those pricks at Konami.[18-MINUTE TRAILER FOR ‘METAL GEAR SOLID V’ FEATURING MUSIC BY SOME OTHER UK ACT THAT USED TO BE BIG DECADES AGO. KULA SHAKER OR SOMETHING]HIDEO KOJIMAMetal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain is nearly ready. I have poured my heart and soul into this game. I am empty. I have nothing left. You have finished me, Konami. I place a curse on the family of Konami founder Kagemasa Kozuki and subsequently his indirect family and that of all Konami employees.ANDREW HOUSEUm… Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain will be released on PlayStation 4 on September 1.HIDEO KOJIMADon’t buy it. I’ve already been paid for it. Don’t line those forgeters’ pockets.[HIDEO KOJIMA TO SWAN DIVE OFF STAGE, INTO THE ARMS OF THE WAITING DAVID HAYTER. BOTH TO RUN OUT OF THE VENUE SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY]
And last but not least, you asked for it and we listened: the new researchHub app for Xbox One will finally let fans of Dead Or Alive 5: Last Round do it properly.[PAUSE FOR SHAMEFULLY LARGE APPLAUSE]
PHIL SPENCERGet off my loving stage.[PETER MOORE TO BE ROUGHLY ESCORTED OFF THE STAGE BY THREE GUARDS DRESSED AS THE BATTLETOADS. PRODUCER NOTE: THIS IS THE ONLY TIME THE BATTLETOADS ARE TO FEATURE. OUR OWNERSHIP OF THE IP ONLY EXTENDS TO GUARD COSTUMES]
FRANK O’CONNORHave a look at this, mate.[HALO 5: GUARDIANS TRAILER]FRANK O’CONNORIt’s good, innit?PHIL SPENCERIt certainly looks like it, yes.FRANK O’CONNORCheers. Bye.PHIL SPENCERWait, where are you going?FRANK O’CONNORI’m quitting while I’m ahead. If the stream breaks down while we’re talking about this the entire internet will crack jokes about the Master Chief Collection servers. See you later.[FRANK O’CONNOR TO LEAP OFF THE STAGE AND SPRINT DOWN THE AISLE LIKE THE T-1000 IN TERMINATOR 2, NOT STOPPING UNTIL HE IS AT LEAST TEN MILES AWAY FROM THE VENUE]
i actually thought this was serious until i read the scripts
