"well you see doctor, one moment i am eating soup infront of my uncle, i start tripping the hell out and find myself inside a crate so i think we both know what happened."
You tell him that you were drinking hot chocolate with your uncle and started having these wild hallucinations. After becoming John Cena, chief of a tribe in Kenya, you woke up locked in the back of a moving van that belonged to your uncle but was driven by some fat guy.
explain how you are hearing these strange voices in your head, which are saying that you should jack off and leave, how you seemingly can't avoid doing the actions given by the voices.
then jack off and leave while doing a wicked sick backflip
"And then, I felt the urge to JACK OFF AND LEAVE!" you shout.
The two men glance at each other -- puzzled.
"IT'S THE VOICES!" you shout, "I HEAR THEM AGAIN! IT IS TIME!"
You unzip your pants and unfurl your flag while furiously beating the log.
"THEY WANT ME TO LEAVE!!" you shout again. Both men stand up and try to calm you down. You wriggle free and try to do a backflip and land hard on the back of your head.
The kick down the door and say the voices retained you with your life.
You sit on the floor dazed but quickly jump up and kick the door as hard as you can. You fall to the floor grasping your leg while you start going flaccid again. The two guys pick you up and set you down on the hospital bed in the room.
"Listen kid," the psychiatrist explains, "What you've been through must've been awful. These voices, have you heard them come from someone else before? Did any of the men possibly do anything...inappropriate...wh
ile you were in their custody?"
"If you don't I got raped and check for semen in my ass. "
Continue talking about how you think the fatass tried to sell you so someone can have an amorous escapade with you.
"Uhhhhh yes!" you stammer, "I think...I think one of them plowed me!"
The doctor whispers to the psychiatrist and the latter steps out of the room. He awkwardly pulls on his blue rubber gloves, making a *SMACK* noise with the last one. You roll over and prepare for the intruder as he moves in to inspect you. After all is said and done, you sit up and tug your jeans back on. You brush against the doctor while sitting up and noticed something that felt like a plastic sausage. He clears his throat and says nothing. He calls the psychiatrist back in.
"Alright," the doctor says regaining his composure, "Is there anymore information you can give us?"
"Well," you begin, "The one fat guy mentioned something about trying to sell me to some guy where I would do 'favors' for him."
"Interesting," notes the psychiatrist, "That'll be helpful in pulling up more information. Anything else you would like to tell us?"
Status:Location: Lexington, KY
Time: 1:45pm Sunday
Temperature: Unknown
Stamina: Rested
Hunger: Hungry
Local Heat (your apparent wanted level in a given area):
VERY HIGH*Wanted as a kidnapped child, Amber Alert has been issuedYou are in a doctor's office with a doctor and psychiatrist.
Hygiene:
Shower status: Good
Amenities status (deodorant, body spray, cologne): Average
Mouth status: Very poor
Clothing Status: Clean
Colon contents: Empty
Items:
One set of clothing on your back (sweater, shirt, jeans, underwear, shoes)
Keychain flashlight
Screwdriver
Poll