There's no water running through the pipes, I can't get a glass of water, brush my teeth, have a shower or go to the toilet, and I have college (an assessment day) in a few hours. What do?
Jack off.
Call the company that is responsible for water in your area
do what you australians do and start chugging urine
IT'S 4:00AM THEY'RE NOT ONLINE
Are there no facilities at the university that you can use? Like locker room showers or something.
Ask your neighbor to use the toilet or something, unless if your beighbors are crap, they should help
You don't have any bottled water?
try going to a gym. they usually have good washrooms