Break his smug-ass finger.
Scout: What the hell are you- OH MY GOD!
Scout: MY HAND! What the hell?!
Alert the local authorities.
Operator: Sup bro, what's your problem?
Engineer: I got a gay cigaretteola here, he's hittin on my texan bod' Also his arm is mangled, totally not me to blame for it, pretty sure he's crazy.
Operator: Oh stuff! Sounds pretty stuffty bro, i got me best boys on dis. U wait there.
Scout: What the hell man? Now your reporting me?!
Engineer: Erectin' ma Dispenser!
Scout: ...What the forget?
???: Ahem. Gentlemen.
Spy: Ohohohoho! Let us dance!
So...These are the authorities? What do you do?