Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been many years since my last confession, and I have come here today to cleanse myself of such a crime against those above. I wish to make amends for this heinous act I have committed for months upon months, and all I ask is to hear my plea! My sin! It is one only the devil himself can devise! I shall speak it! Occasionally, when I lack two of the same sock, I... I-I put on a sock of a different pair. Some days I would wear a long white sock on my left foot and a short black sock on my right foot. And this dark act continues on and on until I empty out my hamper and wash my clothes! All the while I lie and deceive hundreds of innocent folk every day, fooling them into believing that me, a mild mannered man, can grasp the simple concept of hygiene and proper self-clothing! O Lord, forgive me for my foul deed of sloth and deception! I will offer anything - my penance - for that I may one day bask in the heavenly light of the clouds above with matching socks! Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
