Author Topic: The time Mega Bear became the best MarioKart: Double Dash player in Ohio  (Read 446 times)

Long story short: I've been playing Double Dash for 10 years give or take, and since coming to college I've learned my peers also have an obsession with early 2000s Nintendo classics. So for the past year and a half I've been refining my strategy by beating my roommates relentlessly, challenging randoms off the street, harassing kids at arcades, and so forth.

This year a friend of mine joined a fraternity, and behold, during their rush week they host a Double Dash tournament. Finally! A chance for me to make a name for myself in the professional scene. I'm so hyped I e-mail the coordinator.


Then in the week leading up to the tourney I grind daily in Double Dash. I'm talking an all-cup tour on 150cc every day. I did two in a row just hours before the tournament itself. At this point I'm setting new records every time I play--a bizarre feat considering my memory card has all-time records accumulated after 10 years of aging students beating their former selves repeatedly. I make the money, man, I roll the nickels. The game is mine. I deal the cards.

I show up to the tournament last night and we play a warm-up. Four people compete in every game. I come in 4th the first game, but 1st the next three. I'm getting pretty loaded throughout this story by the way.

We draw up an officiated bracket. I'm in the first round and come in first place twice. At one point I recall taking off right at the start, establishing an aggressive lead on the other players, and stuffting on them with an unending diarrhea of bananas and green shells. The observers sitting in front of me slowly looked back in unmistakable awe. Since there are four players, the top two move on to the semi finals, the bottom two are booted--I am moving on.

15 minutes later it's the semi-finals. They give me some stuffe janky wireless controller that undoes my movements and lags at such uneven intervals I can't even compensate! I come in last one race, but pull first in the next by getting a lucky streak of blue shells, a rather bullstuff item which blows up the player in first with a like 0.05% chance of failure. I think I dodged a few last night lol not sure though. Next come the finals.

I pull a power play during character selection and pull both of the koopas as my characters, a killer move since we are using only the basic 16 characters and 8 karts--no unlocks. I've forced my opponents to choose slower characters than myself. I didn't even mean to by the way, I just chose really fast without looking and it turned out clutch. I win the finals obviously, it was kind of anti-climactic because by now I'm in the zone and skirt-skirting circles around these guys and their girlfriends. Though one fella was actually a great player so after I won he and I kept dominating in a much, much different game.

With practice you can be the best at any rule-based system. I have honed my skill to master a Japanese-produced digital racing system called Double Dash. The emotional high I'm on is indescribable.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2017, 11:13:37 AM by Mega-Bear »


this would be the plot to initial d if it took place 10 years later.

yes but can you beat ME at crash bandicoot nitro kart???

yes but can you beat ME at crash bandicoot nitro kart???
>not playing the Superior tag team
>smh



yes but can you beat ME at crash bandicoot nitro kart???
>not shrek smash n' crash racing