Look, I know the blockland forums isn't the place for posting this, but whenever I post on larger communities, I am usually ignored as my stuff gets lost in everyone else's posts.
I've been depressed for years. Probably since 8th grade. Ever since the new year, its been getting so bad and I've lost motivation to do anything. I feel so hopeless.
I'm terrified of graduation. Yeah, I finally get out of high school. I got accepted to college. Its not a great one, but it'll do. I should be so happy for myself.
Except I'll probably never see my friends again. I'm only happy when I am around my friends. Without them, I don't know what would happen to me. It happened in middle school, and my other highschool, too. I'll eventually fade from their mind within a few months.
I feel like I'm worthless. I try so hard at everything I do, and I still get scowled for it. Its like no matter how hard I try, I am never good enough. My grades suck, I'm always getting yelled at at work, and my parents/anyone else never have anything positive to say to me. Its taken such a toll on my self esteem.
Nothing excites me anymore. Every day, I wake up and lay in bed for hours until I have to go to work or school. When I have weekends off, I wake up, and spend all my time in bed with my emotions. I can't find any joy in stuff I loved to do like play videogames, model stuff, or anything.
I feel like I have nobody to talk to. My best friend, who is the only person I talk to about this stuff, is going through an extremely difficult time and I would feel awful if she was worried about me. She knows about my depression, but I haven't told her that its gotten significantly worse. I'm giving her a lot of time before I say something, but right now, I feel so loving terrible. Its like I have a physical pain within me. I can't tell any of my other friends because I'm the last person you would expect to have these type of emotions. To them, I'm the happiest kid who makes funny jokes, and laughs all the time. I also have a huge issue talking about my feelings. I get so anxious and I ball up whenever I talk about it.
Sorry for posting this. I guess I just needed to vent. I have so many emotions bundled up inside of me.