Author Topic: Ya boy is getting hospitalized (blogland)  (Read 1903 times)

Oof I had a big relapse.
Ive been seeing a psychologist since january now and went to my neuropsychologist for the first time last week. She thinks I am suffering from ADD which causes my depression but I really just think I have trouble paying attention because im always tired because I don't sleep anymore because im depressed (Oh and my doctor thinks I'm actually autistic lmao (im not btw)). But alas. They arent going to prescribe me anything cause they want to make the right diagnose first.

A few days after that I got into a nasty panick attack and made an attempt on my life. I vaguely told my therapist what happened and shes going to put me in a psychiatric hospital. I wonder what my next panick attack will bring me. Im fine with either possible outcome tbh. So yeah, thats whats been going on with me if anyone on this site actually cares about me and wondered where I went.

I might actually be massively autistic 🤔

5150? if so, you're about to have an interesting experience

5150? if so, you're about to have an interesting experience
Nope, I agreed with her. Its an/the open psychiatric hospital. Like thats the actual name, literally translated.

So yeah, thats whats been going on with me if anyone on this site actually cares about me and wondered where I went.
why

im not sure how many people can relate to the panic attack aspect but i know personally that every time i feel like hurting myself or questioning why im still alive i realize that im too important to die. i got too much stuff i want to add to the world to just lay over and die like a goof. i can't just leave this planet without giving humanity a taste of my awesomeness.

a lot of people tell this to themselves. whether they actually do anything important or not is besides the point because by the time you realize you've done nothing you're probably in your 60s and afraid of death. its important that while you're young you establish what you want to contribute to this world and strive to reach that goal. the moment you let anything become more important than your personal life goals you're setting yourself up for depression.

everyone battles depression at some point in their life and it's not supposed to make you feel better or worse. everyone has little quirks that make the way they see life different and everyone finds ways to fight the battle against their disorders in order to live a happy and fulfilling life, whether it means they take medication or change their lifestyle to suit their personality. but it takes time. just know that whatever you're going through will always get better. it'll occasionally get worse but then it'll get better again.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2019, 09:20:17 PM by PhantOS »

I've only had a panic attack about two times, I don't know why exactly but I'm sure it was, hyperventilating and all that.

But I go way back with depression, was hospitalized at UT once for like three days before I convinced my mom when she visited to take me home immediately.

the food was ok and supposedly didn't cost anything, but the bills afterwards made me think that psudo ok airplane pizza was actually sold by the slice.

im not sure how many people can relate to the panic attack aspect but i know personally that every time i feel like hurting myself or questioning why im still alive i realize that im too important to die. i got too much stuff i want to add to the world to just lay over and die like a goof. i can't just leave this planet without giving humanity a taste of my awesomeness.

a lot of people tell this to themselves. whether they actually do anything important or not is besides the point because by the time you realize you've done nothing you're probably in your 60s and afraid of death. its important that while you're young you establish what you want to contribute to this world and strive to reach that goal. the moment you let anything become more important than your personal life goals you're setting yourself up for depression.

everyone battles depression at some point in their life and it's not supposed to make you feel better or worse. everyone has little quirks that make the way they see life different and everyone finds ways to fight the battle against their disorders in order to live a happy and fulfilling life, whether it means they take medication or change their lifestyle to suit their personality. but it takes time. just know that whatever you're going through will always get better. it'll occasionally get worse but then it'll get better again.
This is what my family has been saying to me over the years. Over the past 2 years I have changed so much even my family is liking it. I've replaced so many things and habits.

wish you well, mental illness is hell even when you are high functioning

well if you ever do kill yourself just be sure to mention blockland in your Self Delete note

well if you ever do kill yourself just be sure to mention blockland in your Self Delete note
ow the edge

im glad you're getting help, your last few posts recently were really worrying

well if you ever do kill yourself just be sure to mention blockland in your Self Delete note
you're handicapped

well if you ever do kill yourself just be sure to mention blockland in your Self Delete note
Ill mention how kind and supportive everyone was and that I was proud to be part of this small community
i wont tho
Snip
Thing I just want to die. Theres nothing stopping me anymore from just shooting myself in the face besides some stupid promises I made so they would get off my back but I doubt panicking psychotic me gives a stuff about said promises.

Ive also convinced myself that im worth jackstuff and that I would just be a small speck in this vast world. Like whats even the point of living? Are we supposed to work a stuffty job and watch podcasts untill we die or whats the plan? I'm genuinely disgusted by everything about myself to the point where there are days I dont even eat.

im glad you're getting help, your last few posts recently were really worrying
wish you well, mental illness is hell even when you are high functioning
Thank you very much


I use alcohol to deal with depression, some people say that's not a solution (it obviously is a solution, unless it's in a cake or something) but I'm still here so I can't complain.

good luck espi

Just join a cult

I'd be very careful about this I've heard bad things about a few.

Thing I just want to die. Theres nothing stopping me anymore from just shooting myself in the face besides some stupid promises I made so they would get off my back but I doubt panicking psychotic me gives a stuff about said promises.

Ive also convinced myself that im worth jackstuff and that I would just be a small speck in this vast world. Like whats even the point of living? Are we supposed to work a stuffty job and watch podcasts untill we die or whats the plan?
i get that feeling too sometimes. you just gotta look for the little personal reasons to keep living. can't have your favorite foods when you're dead, or laugh with friends anymore, or enjoy a nice cup of coffee during a long day, or feel how nice it is to finish making a meal with people, or whatever it is in your life that you enjoy doing. doesn't have to be a big grand reason or some dramatic purpose. just some little thing to hold on to.