Author Topic: need serious help and advice regarding a toxic household  (Read 6740 times)

yeah thats abuse dont get it twisted. abusers always have two faces to themselves to 'confuse' their victims to put it simply

also i wouldnt read or respond to anymore of peeb's posts. i figured out he has nothing of value to say after his first one

yeah thats abuse dont get it twisted. abusers always have two faces to themselves to 'confuse' their victims to put it simply
but are you sure..? like, he has been nice; hell he's been the one who's bought alot of the more expensive things i've owned (i never really knew why; he kinda just... does it?).
i really don't understand this at all. why would he be doing this, anyway? like i know he's verbally abusive but i doubt he's malicious
also i wouldnt read or respond to anymore of peeb's posts. i figured out he has nothing of value to say after his first one
yeah he's probably a troll anyway so rip. world explodes

my dad isn't abusive, hes never left a mark on me
you sound like you still are massively resentful and in denial to how bad your parents affected you. this is the same as going up to anyone trying to kill themselves and telling them to "cheer up and stop being a bitch"

you came into this thread with nothing but incredibly charged language and hostility towards the op, you don't seem like your dad hasn't left a mark on you

heading to bed. tomorrow i'll go to my friend's and i'll have a chance to talk to the dudes at a local therapy office or whatever they're called without dad hearing. wish me luck fellas, tomorrow should be good. dunno why but weekends are generally pretty safe.

hes threatened to make me a pile of blood. but i grew loving balls and realized that he wasn't actually abusive.
do you read what you're typing? your dad evidently threatened to kill you and you think that's just normal parental behavior. now you're going to grow up to abuse and threaten your own wife and children because you think that's how people are supposed to treat their family
^this is part of the reason i don't know whether to call it abuse or not; because he's cool sometimes. when he's in a good mood, he's really chill and fun to be around.
that's how abuse goes. abusers are rarely bad all the time, because if they were, it'd make the decision to leave (or tell someone, or call the police, etc.) a lot easier. try not to see the "good times" as if they excuse or make up for the way he treats you. no amount of nice things he does for you or expensive gifts he buys for you will make his behavior any less abusive or harmful

Don't be fooled by your dad's "Goods sides," there is no silver lining to abuse. His best days compared to his worst days are always going to be one step forward and two steps back. The best thing you can do is protect whatever level of autonomy you can control, be it personal funds or what, until you're old enough to own your own bank account, get a job and work on getting the hell out. I grew up in an extremely abusive household and was homeschooled too. I understand that the lack of energy to get anything done, and the lacking will to continue on because of the abuse. It is going to be tough, but I guarantee if you put in the work and get outta there, whatever life you can make will feel so much greater.
I ended up having to go homeless to get out, and even I still managed to make some semblance of my own life. Know that however bad it may seem, being able to live your own life not in fear of anyone else is not an unreachable goal. Good luck, my dude.

As far as advice goes, friends are loving invaluable, even internet friends. There is no shame in having to couch surf. Networking in general is going to be something entirely necessary in order to slowly work yourself out of an abusive household. I dunno where I'd be if I didn't have someone at my back :y

man this is... really loving stressful.

update, nothing bad happened. i did something stupid and dad got mad at me for it briefly but he got over it quickly; got to see my friend but my dumbass forgot to call the therapist while i was there!!!! yay!!! however i discussed with him how and if im gonna move in, what im gonna do and how im gonna help (cleaning the place (because his house is absolutely loving stanky. stinks like a barn. no offense) and redecorating, and helping pay the morgage and all that)
i really don't know what to believe. i WANT to believe my dad isn't outright malicious like you all are saying he is but i don't know, i have no idea how abuse works and the only adults i've gotten to talk to about this were my grandma and stepmom who basically think the same as me (he's nice but has anger issues)
i don't know. i really really don't want to believe this.

dad came home and threatened to kick me outside (not even on the porch) for 3 hours if he sees me shirtless again. cool.
can you all explain to me more about what i should do and what i'm not understanding here while i'm still in this bad mood


and i loving hate how the stuff that could easily be interpreted as verbal abuse and threats i never get to record because they always happen so abruptly. whenever i know something bad is going to happen and i get the chance to hide my phone somewhere to secretly record, nothing bad happens (or atleast, nothing that's really 'abusive'.)
the only times that he's done something absurd or abusive is the times i dont get the chance to record, like on phone calls or just out of the blue something i can never see coming. i WANT to get evidence of this because i don't want people to just have to take my word for it; only one clip i have so far could be interpreted as abuse because it's him mocking me.

this sucks. i just want to live my life as i want to live it.

i really don't know what to believe. i WANT to believe my dad isn't outright malicious like you all are saying he is but i don't know, i have no idea how abuse works and the only adults i've gotten to talk to about this were my grandma and stepmom who basically think the same as me (he's nice but has anger issues)
i don't know. i really really don't want to believe this.
abuse isnt necessarily out of malice. sometimes abusers dont know how to control themselves/their emotions, or are victims of abuse and are perpetuating the cycle. note this does not excuse their behavior.

one possible idea is to confront your dad about the whole situation and ask what causes him to get so angry over small issues. since you cant feasibly escape the situation in the short term, maybe trying to address why your dad behaves that way can alleviate some of the pain.

an example is my dad getting angry over me sleeping in. but really, its not sleeping in thats the problem - its that he thinks that i have no goal or drive to finish my education, get a job, and become independent. anything that suggests or makes him worried about that would equally likely set him off. once you figure out the core reason why your dad gets angry you can get a better sense of what will trigger him and how to address his concerns while doing what you need/want to do. for example, i very clearly showed i was taking my education seriously by studying/better grades, and that lessened his propensity to go off on small issues.
« Last Edit: December 16, 2019, 04:25:09 PM by Conan »

my dad isn't abusive, hes never left a mark on me

someone doesn't have to be physical for it to be abuse. emotional abuse is still abuse and can arguably be worse in the long run

dead. she died a few years ago

also today sucked loving ass. it started so well too, he praised me for waking up at 9 (as opposed to 10 lol) but turned sour because apparently i'm not working long enough, even though it takes less than an hour to do an assignment in all classes. forget my life fellas

some other bad stuff happened but i caught it on video, my phone was in my pocket so i was able to finally record! the first video is the yelling im used to, and the second video is less 'abuse' and more of just what he's like normally, when he isn't mad but he isn't happy either. lmk if yall want me to upload them.
Oh, condolences to you. It must be hard knowing that, especially because you were old enough to remember her and all that. Very sad.

I'm not really sure what I could tell you, is there any other family you hold in high regard that could take you in? Perhaps an aunt, or cousin?

im sorry but quit being a pusillanimous individual. my dad is the exact same way but worse. hes threatened to make me a pile of blood. but i grew loving balls and realized that he wasn't actually abusive. i have forgeted up multiple times, so i deserve the beating. you also shouldn't have ran away, dip stuff. my friend ran away and he went into court today. its illegal, and he should call the cops BECAUSE YOU loving RAN AWAY. i learned to loving tuff it out, and if he wants to talk stuff then thats fine. you can never win with an adult. there are kids who are innocent and being beaten right now by their father. there are kids who dont have clean water to drink. my advice is to grow a pair. what does it matter? you'll never win. your not gonna be taken away because hes not actually abusive. i learned to take the constant harassment at school and home, and so can you.
Imagine entering a thread about someone being abused and somehow making it about you lmfao. Are you trolling?