Alright, let's see here
-Push myself harder: This applies to most if not all resolutions honestly. 2023 has been a loving awful year for me in many aspects, from the education side, to the emotional, the mental, with relationships, etc, all of these have left me struggling for far too long ever since the last few months of 2022 (maybe even much more than that), and I can't keep that going for much longer. That's why next year, no matter what happens to me, my friends, or my family, I'll just try to man up and keep moving forward, whatever new struggles may appear I'll face them head on instead of laying down crying no matter how big the problem may be, even if it might affect me more mentally speaking to the point of snapping, but hey, no pain no gain I guess. I just can't let this stuff kick my ass anymore.
-Get back to making more art: I haven't been drawing much for quite a while now, for reasons already mentioned and other misc. stuff like art block, personal obligations and a few distractions here and there. Honestly it has been keeping me away from something that I used to have love and passion for, and I don't want that flame to die out in just a whimper. I want to get back on that grind and possibly make this more than just a simple hobby. I'll just do anything honestly, try experimenting a bit and get out of my comfort zone, practice with studies, making silly doodles instead of always trying to make my next "big thing" after the other, build up a portfolio, and work on some more personal projects of mine. I also want to open commissions for once in my life and make some $$$ since my country's economical situation is pretty stuffty (and it might get worse) so I can spend it on personal stuff and maybe more.
-Try something new and interesting: Drawing just doesn't feel enough for me sometimes. Creatively speaking, I always wanted to make more stuff than just that, one of my biggest interests being music, since it's also something I am passionate about. Just the thought of playing/composing a song and hearing one fills me with so many ideas in my brain I can't help but get started already, but then I open stuff like FL Studio and can't help but feel more than overwhelmed, not to mention I don't own an instrument and economically I don't think I can afford one at the moment. Aside from that I also wanna venture into other stuff like 3D modelling, animation, crafts, make a small game, etc. But the biggest problem I have with all of these is that I just don't know where to even start.
-Hear some new tunes: As much as I also love music, I can't say I have heard much variety of it either. Most of what I hear/know is from more "popular" artists (Daft Punk, Gorillaz, any 80s/70s stuff that my dad has made me listen since I was a kid, etc) and I want to expand my tastes a bit more and find new stuff. I want to listen to more albums and find my own "niche" interest that I can personally rave to myself and whoever is interested enough to listen to my ramblings as well.
-Get FIT: I haven't been on the gym for a while now for personal reasons, and I believe it's time to give it a try once more since I've been out of form and I'm afraid it might affect my health in the future, one problem tho is, again, money stuff. I dunno if I'm gonna be able to spend more than just a month on it considering the fact I also have to spend on bills, food, college, and other important stuff. Just a good hour of running around the road might do the trick I guess.
-Branch myself out more: I'm not gonna lie, I have a ton of trust issues that have been affecting me since my early teens (one of the many factors maybe being this forum in particular) and they have turned in a troubled introvert with a very low sense of self-esteem. I have already tried to make new friends back in 2022 with pretty positive results!, but this year I couldn't help but feel pretty distanced from them and I fear that I might lose them like I lost many others to the point I barely have talked to them and they haven't spoke to me either. No matter how much I try, I always feel that whatever might come from my mouth might end on a negative note, and I can't let that go for longer either. I wanna talk to more people, reconnect with some old faces, and make myself more known to others. I can't handle feeling all alone again.
Despite all I have said here, at this point I have no idea if I can even make any of these resolutions a reality, none of what I've said is anything new. This is stuff I've been wanting to do for YEARS now with little to no progress, with a new problem always rising on my way and letting it get too much to me. I feel like I can't do anything without someone holding my hand and guiding me along the way, almost like I have no independence of my own. Of course I can't do anything on my own (and being alone is something I do not want at all), but I still feel like I need to spread my wings and get stuff done for once. Will I ever break this cycle?, Will I one day achive what I want?, Is it worth it? At this point I don't even know.
