Compared to the heap of crap that is the rest of BL machinma, this short is surprisingly good.
I would have liked to see more character development and a plot. As far as those 2 elements are concerned, this seems more like a trailer.
Good job on avoiding the deadly "walking camera" but you should really cut out some of the unnecessary walking scenes and the whole "lets watch him push every button on the console" thing was also unneeded.
I think its ok that you used a simple door and bright light for the portal, but I would embellish it more. Put it on a pedestal...maybe give it some fog coming out or have some glowing lights near it.
EDIT: Just wanted to add that I am really impressed considering this is your first piece.