Life in Black and White - New Site

[VerticalHorizon]

This is a novel-type-thing I'm writing, not sure how long it will end up being but here it is.

Either read it or gtfo, no tl;dr bullstuff.

Serious comments encouraged.

You can now read/download each chapter on my new site, it will be updated with new chapters as each one is finished.

http://wearenowhere.110mb.com

[Ad Bot]

[Joltener]

oh wow.

i love it.

[Robo Noob]

loving hot. Extreme Details = :D

[tails]

tl;dr :D

[Marcem]

Awesome.

[Dr Bling]

It was good and then it ended, and now I WANT MOAR

[VerticalHorizon]

Thanks guys, I might start working on the next part today.

[oromis]

tl;dr

qft






nah, i skimmed it, seems pretty good, I wasn't very interested in the story itself, more to find one tiny insignificant mistake to flame you for

edit: read more, it is so much more interesting when I read more in to it

[Lt Chub Chub]

Was the light bulb in his head incandescent or fluorescent? If it was fluorescent he would have had mercury in his hypothermic brain and he would have probably died. Also I agree about the whole “bed be awesome!” thing (I had to write an auto biography for school once and half of it was about things and locations in my life so I just talked about my bed for the good part of a page).

[Falcondude]

I think you should use more commas in the dialogue... it seems kind of weird to see "But honey I don't want to have to..." as opposed to "But, honey, I don't want to have to...".

Maybe that's just me being used to using a lot of commas.

[VerticalHorizon]

I think you should use more commas in the dialogue... it seems kind of weird to see "But honey I don't want to have to..." as opposed to "But, honey, I don't want to have to...".

Maybe that's just me being used to using a lot of commas.

Say it out loud to yourself, commas are a pretty long pause, and saying something like "But, honey, I" just sounds wrong.

[Falcondude]

"But honey, I"

I dunno, saying it without any pauses seems weird.

[Dr Bling]

Best format would be: but honey, I like Falcon said.

[Ronin]

Meh.

[Sirrus]

Holy stuff, please end this in some depressing way.

I think more short stories need to end depressingly.

(By the way, vert, you're an amazing writer.)