I called my vice principal about a year ago and told him he loving sucked, and used another kid's name. Somehow they found out it was me, and not only had the principal heard it, but the secretary did too, because she screened all the messages in the morning. She said I had offended her, so she filed charges against me. I kid you not, the court system punished me by making me write letters of apology to the VP and the secretary. After that, I never heard another word about it.
One day, during lunch (same year, sophomore year), I decided it would be funny to blow up a packet of ketchup on my friend's face while he was sleeping. I twisted one end of the ketchup packet up, and pointed the bulgy side towards him. I slammed my fist down on the bulgy side, and I watched in horror as the twisty side untwisted itself, exploded, and hit a guy on the table next to us. He did the manly thing and poured strawberry milk on me. I smelled like it for the rest of the day.
If I think of any more, I'll post them.
EDIT: Skele's post made me remember that in 8th grade, I was a major pyro. Me and my friends Josh and Stevie were setting off black cats in a dry, grassy field, on a windy day (problem number one). We decided to tape two black cats to a blank CD and throw it like a frisbee. They exploded fine, and we went looking for them. When we couldn't find the CD, we decided to light a small patch of grass on fire. Then Josh comes out of loving nowhere and says, "Let's make it bigger!" and sprays some Lysol we brought along on the fire (problem number two). Next thing I know, that little patch we had is now about ten times bigger, so we just ran for our loving lives.
Stevie and I had to stop a couple of blocks away because we were laughing so hard, because Josh was sobbing like a bitch saying "Oh my god, oh my god, we're gonna get in so much loving trouble, oh my god do ya know what they do to people in prison ohmagod ohmagod" over and over. Some lady driving by saw the fire and called the Fire Department.
We went back to watch, and when the firemen asked us if we saw anything, we blamed it on a black man. My mom later twisted the truth out of me a few days later, and I had to go to fire safety class, but Josh and Stevie didn't (loving friends didn't even thank me for taking the fall for them...)
