Poll

Tell me if I should countinue or not, and what might the plot be.

Fail-Bad
9 (81.8%)
Very Bad
0 (0%)
Bad
2 (18.2%)
Eye Bleed
0 (0%)

Total Members Voted: 11

Author Topic: Book, I might write  (Read 4284 times)

This isn't my Proudest moment on the forums, and i'm sure I lost any kind of respect I may of had before, In fact the only reason this is still here Is because someone needed it to be.   









Its 12:00 and i'm still in bed. I lay there thinking about my life and what a better life I could have if my crush reliezes that we would be perfect together. and how I would love to love someone. "Eghhh, cut the crap robbie, get out of bed" my mind is telling me. I flip the covors but im still in my bed with my regular look on my Non-scolon't looking face.
   I hop out of bed, and glaze about my room; but its not whats in the room, its more like whats not in the house. It is quite, but thats ok, I like a relaxing peacful morning, even though its 12:00, my eyes slowly observe the room, my pale-ish green walls, its Light-brown furnature, my sliding closet door with my Mirrior on it.
Its a cozy looking room, with warm colors. Then I relize something strange, my windows arn't open, my mother always opens them in the morning for me, and its 12:00...
   The window problem didn't stay in my mind too long, but thats just how I am. I walkover to my mirrior and stare at my self, I am wearing my brown Tony-Hawk Boxers, and thats it. Its what I useualy were when I go to sleep. I check my calander, I almost never know what day it is unless I do. "December, 12th 2009. Saturday"
awh yes thats right. I walk back over to the mirrior.
I'm a bit concedid but hey, thats allright. I watch my slef,  and think, Hey this person I see might one day grow up to be something great, something big, someone everyone can look up to. Heh.. I can't even fool myself in to thinking that. so I sit back on my bed and a memory from last night flies in.
   "Robbie, your father and I won't be hear this morning, thats because we both have to go at 7:30"
   "Well why?" I always need an answer.
   "I have to go on a bussiness trip and will probably be back by 2:00A.M. Your father has to go to the city to run up some lights at a New Cafe they opend up, Cafe Delux and will be back sunday morning. You will have to provied for your self tommorow, Think you can handel it or should I hire you a baby siter?"
   "I'm thirteen mom, I don't need a baby-siter, I'll be fine"
   "Well ok Sweety goodnight"
   "Night mom"
   Awesome, I have the day to my self, to do what ever I want! No, I'm not going to do some rebelies  thing that if my parents were home, I would get in massive trouble from. Its Because I love having the day to my self, Being able to Walk around the house and let my mind do what ever it wants with out geting that look people give you when Everyone is in a middle of a math test, and they all relize that you have zoned out for 5 minutes doing some embarrasing "God knows what" Type of thing with your eraser. I through on a Gray tang-top and go get myself some cheerios. Crap, No milk, when my mom said "Provied for your self" I thought she meant in general.
   I take a shower Clean up and put some cloths on, my Red T-shirt, some pants, and I grab my nice grey Jacket, Its December, its cold. I Set the alarm, and lock up the house, and I run to my back yard to get my bike out, I am going to take a ride to seven-eleven and get some 1%. I had about $5.00 so I might get some Docter Pepper since im at it. I Get my bike out of the shed and im at my Driveway, Planning on the route I might take.
   "Hey, Rob!" It was Sal Arena, My Best-Friend and Neigbor, He had Long black Hair, and Brown Eyes. He Was A bit taller then me, and only a few months older. He was Italian, but if you didn't ask, you would never know, like alot of other people I know. He was wearing his red Jacket, and black pants, He played football, but he wasn;t a jerk like some players, He used to do Karate, but stoped after a while, He was a good friend, one of my Best.
   "So what are you up to? you look like you just woke up!"
   "I did, about 10 minutes ago"
   "Rob, its 12:00"
   "Yah, yah I know. Im going to seven-eleven to go pick up some 1% for my cheerios"
   "Ha, Can I tag Along, I got $4.00 and I Just have to get away from my sister"
   "Sure, go get your bike and we can head off"
   He came out his gate with his Orange bike, and we were off. We talked the whole way there, about how one day he would like to Be an Athliet, and how I was Deciding to be a Landscape Architect, or a Photographer.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2009, 12:19:53 AM by Hectic »

I wouldn't read it.
Not enough deadly space viruses or dinosaurs ripping people in half.

I wouldn't read it.
Not enough deadly space viruses or dinosaurs ripping people in half.


SHHHH, that's the squeal!

I think you mean sequel.

  • Clean up some of the typos.
  • Also, I lie there.
  • It goes in Creativity.
  • I can't even begin to tell what "Non-scolon't" is.
  • You screwed up the quotes.
  • Stop capitalizing random words.
  • If you are going to make a run on sentence, at least throw in a semi-colon in there so it looks professional; to add to that, your punctuation is a little on the fritz. (See what I did there?)
  • I can't tell what the plot is, what the setting is, and some of the details are random and un-needed.

I think you need a little experience.

The Journey of Rob, and Sal, about the Strange things happening about the World, and why is this happening This is only the beginning, So don't Hate

Best.
Title.
Ever.

By the way, writing in stream of consciousness doesn't work so well unless you are a very good writer.  Not to be hurtful, but I'd really suggest you continue writing in short stories, but don't think about writing a book until you are much older.  I've seen many kids who are writing their masterpiece at age 10 and soon get discouraged simply because they don't have the capacity to write an actual book, good writing or not.

Not to be a total douche, but you should stab yourself in the face.  It's so poorly written it made my eyes bleed, so you should share my pain.  You tried to be detailed, but the words you used are plain.  The conversations are poorly constructed and need a lot of work.  I could have written better than that in 5th grade.  I feel the desperate need to point out the massive flaws in spelling and grammar despite your comment about fixing it later.  Anybody who even writes a first draft like that should not be writing in the first place.  I mean for forgets sake, the forum even has a spell checker.

Don't try writing for people until you learn some basic techniques.  Now print this draft out and give it to mommy to put on the fridge, maybe you'll get a sticker.

Best.
Title.
Ever.

By the way, writing in stream of consciousness doesn't work so well unless you are a very good writer.  Not to be hurtful, but I'd really suggest you continue writing in short stories, but don't think about writing a book until you are much older.  I've seen many kids who are writing their masterpiece at age 10 and soon get discouraged simply because they don't have the capacity to write an actual book, good writing or not.
oh nononono, Thats not the title XD its about a General plot of i was thinking,
sorry, if this is some Crap tho guys, I just got finished of reading the book "I am the Cheese" By Robert Cormier, and i have been really inspired.

Zaran, to further your point, I did write better in the fifth grade, and I have a witness.

Guess i'l lock, it was the wrong place, and wrong time I guess, I should of Looked it over more, and added some stuff, and go grammar Checking, but i was using Wordpad, there is no grammar check thing. I was a bit to Excited and sorry If this is just ripping your eyes out.

Guess i'l lock, it was the wrong place, and wrong time I guess, I should of Looked it over more, and added some stuff, and go grammar Checking, but i was using Wordpad, there is no grammar check thing. I was a bit to Excited and sorry If this is just ripping your eyes out.

Wordpad?
No, Microsoft Word is great.  Try that for a start.

Also, sorry for being harsh, just try a little harder next time.

Not to be a total douche,

Failed.

He's obviously in somewhere below the 5th grade.  Using the internet does not take "above-5th-grade" skills.

Quote from: Hectic's Profile
Age: 12

If this is true, this makes me sad.

Wordpad?
No, Microsoft Word is great.  Try that for a start.

Also, sorry for being harsh, just try a little harder next time.
Thx, I get Excited and Rush, so I guess I need Better Experience. Thanks for not holding back tho, If it as that bad, I needed to to told that.

If this is true, this makes me sad.
I'm in seventh Grade. I just get Excited and Rush. thats all.