The English Language is one massive conspiracy.
It's true, Seph and I have discovered so. 'Oh IceBlue, please elaborate on this magnificent feat!' you ask? Well, 'Thank you for asking, and since when the forget did you know such big words?' I reply. The following statements bring me and you to the next paragraph, the elaboration of grave doom and immense horror.
Maths, as we all know/should know/will know by reading the following paragraph, is the foundation for everything in existence. And if it is not, it loving should be. In Mathematics, there is the rule that 'two negatives make a positive'. The same rule is present in English, with a double negative such as how 'don't not' technically means 'do'. The same rule as ‘two negatives create a positive’. Another rule in Mathematics that English has stolen is the cancelation or simplifying of expressions/sentences.
Quote: “Answer my rhetorical question!”
That sentence cancels itself out, by applying a verb that has the opposite meaning of the adjective. Much like how multiplying something by 0 is completely pointless, or that +X – X resolves back to nothing. So with this greater level of understanding, there is only one question left to be answered: is the English language a form of Mathematics? Clearly it must be, as the be-founding evidence Seph and I have elaborately discovered makes far to greater sense being correct then it to be incorrect.
This conclusively making each word in the English language an algebraic term; which each give the illusion of them being pronounceable ‘words’, but words do not technically exist therefore.
So with that answered, where does this leave humanity? Well clearly in the exact same spot to where it is at the moment, that was a rhetorical question and I didn’t really need to answer it. But from answering that question arrives another two questions of grave importance.
Firstly; why the forget did I bother answering that original question?
Secondly; from knowing such valuable information, what comes next?
For the first one; I am just clearly handicapped. But for the second one, a much more deep and complicated answer must be constructed. As we all know/should know/will know by reading the following paragraph, in algebra a pro-numeral represents a specific number, and since every word is an algebraic term, each letter must have a specific value. Each letter has the same value it does in the game Scrabble. A, E, I, L, N, O, R, S, T and U equal to 1, D and G equal to 2, B, C, M and P equal to 3, F, H, V, W and Y equal to 4, K equal to 5, J and X equal to 8 and Q and Z equal to 10.
This makes each word have a specific value, such as the ‘forget’ being equal to 3 x 1 x 2 x 5, being 30. With this remarkable knowledge and colossal understanding of the topic, the only logical explanation is that the English language is a code.
‘But a code for what, oh so wise IceBlue?’ you ask. Well young grasshoppers, a code left to us by a co-existing league of supernatural squirrels from the forth dimension which we shall use to discover the entrance to Hell. Doesn’t make sense? Well go get your brain checked you moronic piece of elephant dung, because it’s the only thing that does make sense. But clearly not all ‘words’ or ‘algebraic terms’ can lead to the entrance to Hell. Only one can, a two worded statement of significant magnitude. The ancient words of grave mythical importance are none but; Blum Connector. Blum is equal to 9, and Connector is also equal to 9, meaning the longitude and latitude of the entrance to Hell to be at 9°S and 9°E.
The entrance to Hell is located off the west coast of Angola! Now knowing the location of the entrance to Hell is great and everything, but there is a slight problem with that.
2012 is the Apocalypse, the end of the world as we know it, or ‘Doomsday’ to quote Atreyu efficiently. But why has the Apocalypse come upon us? If you know anything about mythology, or watch Supernatural, you’d know the only way for the Apocalypse to take place is for the seals to be broken. ‘But so wise IceBlue Sir, I do not know what these seals are!’ you exclaim loudly. Well ‘Stop exclaiming things so loudly!’ I demand back, I shall elaborate on the seals now.
For about a year now the seals have slowly been broken, without us knowing. Innocent, camouflaged and inconspicuous these seals are, being broken unknowingly by the civilians on Earth. These seals to open the gate of Hell are nothing but the small plastic seals underneath the lid to Famer’s Union Milk bottles. Farmer’s Union Milk is the devil’s liquid, for it shall bring the Apocalypse upon the Earth, unless we stop it. We must unite against the evil milk dwellers, and destroy the possessed demonic civilians before they destroy the Earth with their ninja arse satanic destructive bullstuff!
An elite army shall be formed, containing the bravest of soldiers from around the world, disincluding the British, and it shall be called Army of Bodom. Equip with salt filled shotgun bullets brought from the Good Guys, where you pay cash and they’ll slash the prices, the Army of Bodom shall defeat all demon possessed individuals who continue to break the seals under the milk lids, and stop the Apocalypse from occurring and destroying life as we know it.
I hope this has been informative and educational to your inferior minds, as I figured this was something all humanity should be aware of.
I bid you farewell, my name is IceBlue, and I am not smarter then a fifth grader.
tl;dr version = english is math, angola is evil, ninja milk dwellers are plotting the apocalypse.
