A Normal Day at Home (poem)

[Katamari007]

I've been working on a school poem for extra credit, tell me your opions on it :3

P.S. my Literature teacher checked my rough draft, she honestly loved it.

Words that were mandnatory to use: memories, Saturday, dragons, zombies, water, myths, and lunch

A Normal Day at Home

Memories of a normal day at home
Include flying monkeys with hats shaped like domes

I spend every Saturday organizing old Christmas lights
 And when I’m done, I love to watch the dragon’s fight

I own fifty eight televisions and elegant golden floors
Thirty seven flights of stairs and over 9000 doors

Every day I spend my lunch eating exotic meals
Such as plywood a la mode or three pairs of wheels

I own a zombie ranch, they’re an important resource
They are exported from Bolivia and have full body sores

I’m the CEO of a water bed dealership, it’s a great career
On one comes because we are located in the Forest of Fear

Many people come up with bizarre myths about my ancestry
Like how my great grandfather was married to a massive tree

But before you run in fear all the way to Nome
Just remember this: it is a normal day at home

[Ad Bot]

[WhatevaGuy]

Try improving the rhythm a bit.
I don't like how it sounds out loud.

[Cyanian]

Makes me think your a fourth grader tryig to write poems for LA class. Sorry. It's probably because there's zombies and when I think of people with incorporate zombies with school, I think, child. Poem was nice though, some lines were really great!

[Swholli]

Makes me think your a fourth grader tryig to write poems for LA class. Sorry. It's probably because there's zombies and when I think of people with incorporate zombies with school, I think, child. Poem was nice though, some lines were really great!

Clearly you don't understand literature then.

You can write about anything and have it sound just as mature.

As for this poem, I agree with Whateva, it could have a better flow. At times it seemed like you had too many words in one stanza. Other times it felt like you were simply trying to come up with things to fit the words you were given. I liked the first parts, but the whole thing about your grandpa and trees, didn't really fit. Also, you tried really hard to make it rhyme, which I understand, but because of it, it seemed very cheesy, try to have things rhyme creatively, rather than just fitting in words.

[Klayboxx]

I own a zombie ranch

THATS ME YOU LIAR!

[WhatevaGuy]

Also, just a small thing: the rhyme scheme is a tad bland.
I mean, I know something like 'ABCBBB' (The Raven) isn't the easiest thing in the world to write (believe me, I've done it), but it makes it pretty fun to read.
And, the rhyme scheme AA BB CC... is a bit elementary, therefore uninteresting.
This is all my opinion though.

[ultimamax]

I own fifty eight televisions and elegant golden floors
Thirty seven flights of stairs and over 9000 doors

Thirty seven flights of stairs and over 9000 doors

over 9000

[A.R.C.]

Write me a sonnet and I'll love you forever.