Author Topic: My essay for English 3 Honors class  (Read 1444 times)

We were given the assignment of writing an essay over one of twelve possible ontological questions and we have to incorporate a book we have read into the essay. Quotes or etc. I wish to know if I have done a good job with it or not, so here it is :

                                                                        What is love?

   What is love? Love is love, passion, kissing, holding hands. Love is being with your family, protecting your little sister, looking out for others. Love is knowing your unique in your own way, there is no other exact person in the world just like you. There isn't and can't be a basic definition for “love”.

   “When Bruce the second says ‘I love you’ after I . . . do certain things with him, he is careful to immediately divert away, like “I love you when you yell at the frat guys making too much noise down the halls when we’re alone in my room. You give the most excellent bitch tirade, and now all those guys only envy me more. I love you for that” Quoted from the book Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List, love takes many forms, possibly coming from something as simply as a one night stand, a quick kiss on the cheek, or holding hands in the movie theatre. When you wake up next to that certain someone in the morning and can’t help but to say to yourself “God he is beautiful”.

   “When I tell Ely ‘I love you,’ I’m not lying to him. I’m lying to myself. He absorbs my words as if they’re natural, coming from his best friend / almost-a-sister.” This is not to be mistaken for the same kind of love as a loveual relationship type love. Rocking a newborn baby back and forth in your arms is a way you show your feelings to an infant, though it may not understand what your doing. Humans have all sorts of ways to show there love to each other such as simply spending time with them, watching out for them so they don’t fall down, and being there to catch them when they need a helping hand.

   “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” Standing in front of the mirror, continuously asking yourself “Am I pretty”, debatable as it may be you must learn to love yourself before you can learn to love others. Loving yourself meaning that you know your special, your beautiful inside and out.

   Whether its teen love, a quick romance, or helping your grandmother take in the groceries, to love is to be human. The single most complicated word in the English language to comprehend, yet probably the most important word to ever be thought up, only this word can describe our true feelings for someone in a way that nothing else can. I love you, I love you, I love you.



Please keep the commentary relevant, I wish for helpful criticism, not “Ololo ur essay suckzz.” : Well oops I forgot to make it not suck, not very helpful.

I don't think you know what 'love' is, basically, you don't convay that you have the ability to define abstract terms.

I hope I wasn't directly stating that I knew what love was, this is simply my opinion on it in a form of an essay.

That's a really short essay

I get the feeling you aren't so great at English.

I get the feeling you aren't so great at English.
Why so?

That's a really short essay

She said and I quote "It has to be essay-ish, I do not require it being a full essay"

baby don't hurt me

No but seriously, it's okay but it should be longer, unless the assignment states it doesn't have to be very long. yeah

I hope I wasn't directly stating that I knew what love was, this is simply my opinion on it in a form of an essay.
"Love" is an abstract concept, a psychological phenomenon, to define it as some insignificant action is ludicrous.

am i the--
baby don't hurt me

No but seriously, it's okay but it should be longer, unless the assignment states it doesn't have to be very long. yeah

loving hell.

We were given the assignment of writing an essay over one of twelve possible ontological questions and we have to incorporate a book we have read into the essay. Quotes or etc. I wish to know if I have done a good job with it or not, so here it is :

                                                                        What is love?

   What is love? Baby don't hurt me.
fixed.


She said and I quote "It has to be essay-ish, I do not require it being a full essay"
Even so, it's still incredibly short. I write more than that in just one piece of brown townysis for my english class.

Along with that, I do think that your concept of love is really generic and surface-level. Go deeper into it the thought of what love is. Restating "people doing this to other people is love" over and over isn't very good at all.

Why so?


Well, it's short. Really short.
Now, I understand that you didn't need to write a long essay, but you might wanna add some fluff to it.

Next up, you don't really go anywhere with it. The first couple of paragraphs add nothing to the last couple of paragraphs. It should constantly move towards one point, the climax of the essay, if you will.

However, yours doesn't seem to lead anywhere. In fact, it's quite hard to follow.

"Love" is an abstract concept, a psychological phenomenon, to define it as some insignificant action is ludicrous.

Lets keep this on a level of teenage intelligence and not the world's leading psychologists in one room debating the word "love."

It's not bad. Try explaining more thoroughly the quotes, develop the ideas. Don't just quickly jump between each. Develop more, go a bit deeper. You can't truly describe Love, at least in my opinion, but if you try to then you will have to go deeper than several actions that express it. And cut out some examples on what you believe Love is; Being poetic is just fine and expressing your opinions on the matter is just as well, but leave that all in a section on its own, don't sprinkle it throughout the essay.

Also, the essay itself doesn't really seem to be centered. Its jumping between describing Love and defining it, blended with some quotes and personal input. Keep it in one, central voice. Try giving the essay a bit more flow, work each paragraph into each other as opposed to making each just saying the same thing over and over.

Otherwise, the wording itself is fairly good and you have a decent base, but you have quite a bit of work ahead of you. Good luck. c: