Randumbness - Random story generator~!

[Rainbow]

share yours :3

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/


   It all started when our research star, Ephialtes, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling barely stunned, Ephialtes slapped a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Happy as a frickin' monkey, he realized that his beloved virginity was missing!  Immediately he called his bed-friend, Badspot. Ephialtes had known Badspot for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones.  Badspot was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... oafish. Ephialtes called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Badspot picked up to a very glad Ephialtes. Badspot calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies cringe before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually charismatically yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Ephialtes.  Why was Badspot trying to distract Ephialtes?  Because he had snuck out from Ephialtes's with the virginity only eleven days prior.  It was a enchanting little virginity... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Ephialtes got back to the subject at hand: his virginity. Badspot yawned. Relunctantly, Badspot invited him over, assuring him they'd find the virginity. Ephialtes grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Badspot realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the virginity and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Ephialtes took the wannabe go-fast Civic, he had take at least five minutes before Ephialtes would get there.  But if he took the Rhino?  Then Badspot would be very screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Badspot was interrupted by nine oafish blockheads that were lured by his virginity. Badspot yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he skillfully reached for his potato and randomly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the Rhino rolling up.  It was Ephialtes.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late.  With a skillful leap, Ephialtes was out of the Rhino and went wildly jaunting toward Badspot's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Badspot was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the virginity into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his giraffe. Badspot was concerned but at least the virginity was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Badspot charismatically purred.  With a inept push, Ephialtes opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish coke fiend in a rice rocket,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Badspot assured him. Ephialtes took a seat alarmingly close to where Badspot had hidden the virginity. Badspot turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Ephialtes was distracted. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Badspot noticed a stupid look on Ephialtes's face. Ephialtes slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Badspot felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Ephialtes asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the virginity right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A stupid look started to form on Ephialtes's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Ephialtes nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Badspot could react, Ephialtes thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it.  The virginity was plainly in view.

   Ephialtes stared at Badspot for what what must've been seven nanoseconds. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Badspot groped surreptitiously in Ephialtes's direction, clearly desperate. Ephialtes grabbed the virginity and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Badspot let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Ephialtes,' he rebuked. Badspot always had been a little funny-smelling, so Ephialtes knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Badspot did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. As if it really mattered he gripped his virginity tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Badspot looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Ephialtes. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Ephialtes. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Badspot walked over to the window and looked down. Ephialtes was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Ephialtes was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Badspot's place. Ephialtes had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral blockheads suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the virginity.  One by one they latched on to Ephialtes.  Already weakened from his injury, Ephialtes yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of blockheads running off with his virginity.

   But then God came down with His intelligent smile and restored Ephialtes's virginity. Feeling frustrated, God smote the blockheads for their injustice.  Then He got in His amphibious vehicle and bolted away with the fortitude of  20 man-eating capybaras running from a big pack of venomous koalas. Ephialtes fell with joy when he saw this. His virginity was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show,  Glee, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet ebola'). Ephialtes was relieved. And so, everyone except Badspot and a few contraceptive-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.


*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark.  Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/

[Ad Bot]

[Bopizku]

I've already made a thread like this. But I'll post story.

   It all started when our uber geek, Beavis, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly frustrated, Beavis groped a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he realized that his beloved diary (SHUT UP! >:C) was missing!  Immediately he called his annoying neighbor, Butthead. Beavis had known Butthead for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were enchanting ones.  Butthead was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... insensitive. Beavis called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Butthead picked up to a very glad Beavis. Butthead calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths yawn before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually surreptitiously sneeze *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Beavis.  Why was Butthead trying to distract Beavis?  Because he had snuck out from Beavis's with the diary (SHUT UP! >:C) only nine days prior.  It was a saucy little diary (SHUT UP! >:C)... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Beavis got back to the subject at hand: his diary (SHUT UP! >:C). Butthead cringed. Relunctantly, Butthead invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary (SHUT UP! >:C). Beavis grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Butthead realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the diary (SHUT UP! >:C) and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Beavis took the hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle, he had take at least eleven minutes before Beavis would get there.  But if he took the poptar?  Then Butthead would be abundantly screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Butthead was interrupted by nine funny-smelling nyan cats that were lured by his diary (SHUT UP! >:C). Butthead yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he randomly reached for his ninja star and fearlessly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the poptar rolling up.  It was Beavis.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late.  With a deft leap, Beavis was out of the poptar and went exotically jaunting toward Butthead's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Butthead was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the diary (SHUT UP! >:C) into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his elephant. Butthead was displeased but at least the diary (SHUT UP! >:C) was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Butthead explosively purred.  With a deft push, Beavis opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish rationality-deprived handicap in a tricycle,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Butthead assured him. Beavis took a seat RIGHT next to where Butthead had hidden the diary (SHUT UP! >:C). Butthead panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Beavis was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Butthead noticed a annoying look on Beavis's face. Beavis slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Butthead felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Beavis asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the diary (SHUT UP! >:C) right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A dimwitted look started to form on Beavis's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet venomous koalas.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Beavis nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Butthead could react, Beavis randomly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The diary (SHUT UP! >:C) was plainly in view.

   Beavis stared at Butthead for what what must've been two microseconds. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Butthead groped surreptitiously in Beavis's direction, clearly desperate. Beavis grabbed the diary (SHUT UP! >:C) and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Butthead let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Beavis,' he rebuked. Butthead always had been a little selfish, so Beavis knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Butthead did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he gripped his diary (SHUT UP! >:C) tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Butthead looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Beavis. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Beavis. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Butthead walked over to the window and looked down. Beavis was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Beavis was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Butthead's place. Beavis had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral nyan cats suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary (SHUT UP! >:C).  One by one they latched on to Beavis.  Already weakened from his injury, Beavis yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of nyan cats running off with his diary (SHUT UP! >:C).

   About eleven hours later, Beavis awoke, his double chin throbbing.  It was dark and Beavis did not know where he was.  Deep in the muddy lemur-infested moor, Beavis was ridiculously lost. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he remembered that his diary (SHUT UP! >:C) was taken by the nyan cats. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life.  That's when, to his horror, a bloated nyan cat emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch.  It was the alpha nyan cat. Beavis opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the nyan cat sunk its teeth into Beavis's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Beavis's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

   Less than six miles away, Butthead was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary (SHUT UP! >:C).  'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened live hand grenade.  With a apt thrust, he buried it deeply into his fingernail.  As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Beavis... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him.  But he would die alone that day.  All that remained was the diary (SHUT UP! >:C) that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant nyan cats, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1


*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark.  Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/

[blockguy123]

   It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Mr.MacFluffyBunz, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling scarcely frustrated, Mr.MacFluffyBunz deflowered a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he realized that his beloved Gunpen was missing!  Immediately he called his lover, blockguy123. Mr.MacFluffyBunz had known blockguy123 for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones.  blockguy123 was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... clueless. Mr.MacFluffyBunz called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   blockguy123 picked up to a very angry Mr.MacFluffyBunz. blockguy123 calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats panic before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually surreptitiously turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Mr.MacFluffyBunz.  Why was blockguy123 trying to distract Mr.MacFluffyBunz?  Because he had snuck out from Mr.MacFluffyBunz's with the Gunpen only seven days prior.  It was a curious little Gunpen... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Mr.MacFluffyBunz got back to the subject at hand: his Gunpen. blockguy123 yawned. Relunctantly, blockguy123 invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Gunpen. Mr.MacFluffyBunz grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, blockguy123 realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Gunpen and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if Mr.MacFluffyBunz took the tricked out go kart, he had take at least seven minutes before Mr.MacFluffyBunz would get there.  But if he took the A blocko car?  Then blockguy123 would be ridiculously screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, blockguy123 was interrupted by two stupid Cats that were lured by his Gunpen. blockguy123 panicked; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling exasperated, he aptly reached for his live hand grenade and thoughtfully poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the A blocko car rolling up.  It was Mr.MacFluffyBunz.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late.  With a careful leap, Mr.MacFluffyBunz was out of the A blocko car and went surreptitiously jaunting toward blockguy123's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  blockguy123 was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the Gunpen into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. blockguy123 was puzzled but at least the Gunpen was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' blockguy123 flamboyantly purred.  With a quick push, Mr.MacFluffyBunz opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering beer-sloshed tool in a homemade car,' he lied.  'It's fine,' blockguy123 assured him. Mr.MacFluffyBunz took a seat mysteriously distant from where blockguy123 had hidden the Gunpen. blockguy123 turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Mr.MacFluffyBunz was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, blockguy123 noticed a selfish look on Mr.MacFluffyBunz's face. Mr.MacFluffyBunz slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   blockguy123 felt a stabbing pain in his ear when Mr.MacFluffyBunz asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Gunpen right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A pestering look started to form on Mr.MacFluffyBunz's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Mr.MacFluffyBunz nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before blockguy123 could react, Mr.MacFluffyBunz thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it.  The Gunpen was plainly in view.

   Mr.MacFluffyBunz stared at blockguy123 for what what must've been three nanoseconds. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, blockguy123 groped flamboyantly in Mr.MacFluffyBunz's direction, clearly desperate. Mr.MacFluffyBunz grabbed the Gunpen and bolted for the door.  It was locked. blockguy123 let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Mr.MacFluffyBunz,' he rebuked. blockguy123 always had been a little abrasive, so Mr.MacFluffyBunz knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before blockguy123 did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he gripped his Gunpen tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   blockguy123 looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Mr.MacFluffyBunz. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Mr.MacFluffyBunz. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. blockguy123 walked over to the window and looked down. Mr.MacFluffyBunz was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Mr.MacFluffyBunz was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind blockguy123's place. Mr.MacFluffyBunz had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Cats suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Gunpen.  One by one they latched on to Mr.MacFluffyBunz.  Already weakened from his injury, Mr.MacFluffyBunz yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Cats running off with his Gunpen.

   About nine hours later, Mr.MacFluffyBunz awoke, his fingernail throbbing.  It was dark and Mr.MacFluffyBunz did not know where he was.  Deep in the humid fanstic pumpkin patch, Mr.MacFluffyBunz was abnormally lost. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he remembered that his Gunpen was taken by the Cats. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life.  That's when, to his horror, a bloated Cat emerged from the bush.  It was the alpha Cat. Mr.MacFluffyBunz opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Cat sunk its teeth into Mr.MacFluffyBunz's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Mr.MacFluffyBunz's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

   Less than seven miles away, blockguy123 was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Gunpen.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened potato.  With a apt thrust, he buried it deeply into his kidney.  As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Mr.MacFluffyBunz... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him.  But he would die alone that day.  All that remained was the Gunpen that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Cats, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1


*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark.  Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/

[VinnyTheGuy]

   It all started when our (former research) star, Blockland Forums, woke up in a bush. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely concerned, Blockland Forums deflowered a ripened avocado, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, she realized that her beloved Hate was missing!  Immediately she called her so-called friend, Derail Man. Blockland Forums had known Derail Man for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were exotic ones.  Derail Man was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... abrasive. Blockland Forums called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Derail Man picked up to a very unhappy Blockland Forums. Derail Man calmly assured her that most long-haired sea monkeys yawn before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually surreptitiously turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Blockland Forums.  Why was Derail Man trying to distract Blockland Forums?  Because he had snuck out from Blockland Forums's with the Hate only five days prior.  It was a enticing little Hate... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Blockland Forums got back to the subject at hand: her Hate. Derail Man belched. Relunctantly, Derail Man invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Hate. Blockland Forums grabbed her canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Derail Man realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Hate and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Blockland Forums took the time machine, he had take at least five minutes before Blockland Forums would get there.  But if she took the Giant carrot?  Then Derail Man would be alarmingly screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Derail Man was interrupted by eleven dimwitted Ponys that were lured by his Hate. Derail Man belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he aptly reached for his banana and aggressively backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the Giant carrot rolling up.  It was Blockland Forums.

----o0o----

   As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so she knew she was running late.  With a inept leap, Blockland Forums was out of the Giant carrot and went explosively jaunting toward Derail Man's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Derail Man was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the Hate into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his hammock. Derail Man was relieved but at least the Hate was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Derail Man earnestly purred.  With a apt push, Blockland Forums opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying self-righteous ass in a rice rocket,' she lied.  'It's fine,' Derail Man assured her. Blockland Forums took a seat frighteningly close to where Derail Man had hidden the Hate. Derail Man sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Blockland Forums was distracted. A few unfulfilled decades later, Derail Man noticed a stupid look on Blockland Forums's face. Blockland Forums slowly opened her mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Derail Man felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Blockland Forums asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Hate right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A oafish look started to form on Blockland Forums's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Blockland Forums nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Derail Man could react, Blockland Forums skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it.  The Hate was plainly in view.

   Blockland Forums stared at Derail Man for what what must've been six days. Giggling like schoolgirl, Derail Man groped indiscriminately in Blockland Forums's direction, clearly desperate. Blockland Forums grabbed the Hate and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Derail Man let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Blockland Forums,' he rebuked. Derail Man always had been a little oafish, so Blockland Forums knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Derail Man did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. Absolutely thrilled, she gripped her Hate tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Derail Man looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Blockland Forums. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Blockland Forums. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Derail Man walked over to the window and looked down. Blockland Forums was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Blockland Forums was struggling to make her way through the lemur-infested moor behind Derail Man's place. Blockland Forums had severely hurt her kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Ponys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Hate.  One by one they latched on to Blockland Forums.  Already weakened from her injury, Blockland Forums yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Ponys running off with her Hate.

   About three hours later, Blockland Forums awoke, her double chin throbbing.  It was dark and Blockland Forums did not know where she was.  Deep in the enchanting lemur-infested moor, Blockland Forums was alarmingly lost. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, she remembered that her Hate was taken by the Ponys. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life.  That's when, to her horror, a shrunken Pony emerged from the foxy forest.  It was the alpha Pony. Blockland Forums opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the Pony sunk its teeth into Blockland Forums's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Blockland Forums's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

   Less than four miles away, Derail Man was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Hate.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened potato.  With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his love handle.  As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Blockland Forums... wishing he had found the courage to tell her that he loved her.  But he would die alone that day.  All that remained was the Hate that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Ponys, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1


*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark.  Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/


We all know how this came to be Blockland forums. You research star.

[Stick Man]

   It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Badspot, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously stunned, Badspot deflowered a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved fat juciy pen0r was missing!  Immediately he called his favorite rape victim, Ephialtes. Badspot had known Ephialtes for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were exotic ones.  Ephialtes was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Badspot called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Ephialtes picked up to a very unhappy Badspot. Ephialtes calmly assured him that most spotted wolf hamsters sigh before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually sassily yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Badspot.  Why was Ephialtes trying to distract Badspot?  Because he had snuck out from Badspot's with the fat juciy pen0r only five days prior.  It was a enchanting little fat juciy pen0r... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Badspot got back to the subject at hand: his fat juciy pen0r. Ephialtes yawned. Relunctantly, Ephialtes invited him over, assuring him they'd find the fat juciy pen0r. Badspot grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Ephialtes realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the fat juciy pen0r and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Badspot took the entrepreneur  fresh, candy-painted 'Lac, he had take at least eleven minutes before Badspot would get there.  But if he took the car?  Then Ephialtes would be really screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Ephialtes was interrupted by two selfish ponys that were lured by his fat juciy pen0r. Ephialtes panicked; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he aggressively reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and recklessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the car rolling up.  It was Badspot.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late.  With a calculated leap, Badspot was out of the car and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Ephialtes's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Ephialtes was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the fat juciy pen0r into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his giraffe. Ephialtes was puzzled but at least the fat juciy pen0r was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Ephialtes surreptitiously purred.  With a hasty push, Badspot opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying self-righteous ass in a entrepreneur  fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Ephialtes assured him. Badspot took a seat hilariously close to where Ephialtes had hidden the fat juciy pen0r. Ephialtes yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Badspot was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Ephialtes noticed a pestering look on Badspot's face. Badspot slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Ephialtes felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when Badspot asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the fat juciy pen0r right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A abrasive look started to form on Badspot's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet legless puppies.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Badspot nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Ephialtes could react, Badspot aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The fat juciy pen0r was plainly in view.

   Badspot stared at Ephialtes for what what must've been ten microseconds. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Ephialtes groped surreptitiously in Badspot's direction, clearly desperate. Badspot grabbed the fat juciy pen0r and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Ephialtes let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Badspot,' he rebuked. Ephialtes always had been a little insensitive, so Badspot knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Ephialtes did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he gripped his fat juciy pen0r tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Ephialtes looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Badspot. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Badspot. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Ephialtes walked over to the window and looked down. Badspot was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Badspot was struggling to make his way through the swamp behind Ephialtes's place. Badspot had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral ponys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the fat juciy pen0r.  One by one they latched on to Badspot.  Already weakened from his injury, Badspot yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of ponys running off with his fat juciy pen0r.

   About six hours later, Badspot awoke, his p-spot throbbing.  It was dark and Badspot did not know where he was.  Deep in the mysterious lemur-infested moor, Badspot was excessively lost. Ever so extemperaneously, he remembered that his fat juciy pen0r was taken by the ponys. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life.  That's when, to his horror, a oversized pony emerged from the magical cornfield.  It was the alpha pony. Badspot opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the pony sunk its teeth into Badspot's p-spot. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Badspot's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

   Less than seven miles away, Ephialtes was entombed by anguish over the loss of the fat juciy pen0r.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened live hand grenade.  With a apt thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp.  As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Badspot... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him.  But he would die alone that day.  All that remained was the fat juciy pen0r that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant ponys, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

 


*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark.  Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/

[Daemon18553]

   It all started when our overrated adventurer, Patton360's entrepreneur le, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling abundantly angered, Patton360's entrepreneur le poked a potato, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Happy as a frickin' monkey, she realized that her beloved the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum was missing!  Immediately she called her lover, richard Dastardly. Patton360's entrepreneur le had known richard Dastardly for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones.  richard Dastardly was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... oafish. Patton360's entrepreneur le called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   richard Dastardly picked up to a very calm Patton360's entrepreneur le. richard Dastardly calmly assured her that most disease-carrying chipmunks turn red before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually flamboyantly grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Patton360's entrepreneur le.  Why was richard Dastardly trying to distract Patton360's entrepreneur le?  Because he had snuck out from Patton360's entrepreneur le's with the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum only four days prior.  It was a enticing little the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Patton360's entrepreneur le got back to the subject at hand: her the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum. richard Dastardly yawned. Relunctantly, richard Dastardly invited her over, assuring her they'd find the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum. Patton360's entrepreneur le grabbed her George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, richard Dastardly realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Patton360's entrepreneur le took the time machine, he had take at least five minutes before Patton360's entrepreneur le would get there.  But if she took the wienermobile?  Then richard Dastardly would be abnormally screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, richard Dastardly was interrupted by ten funny-smelling sun bears that were lured by his the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum. richard Dastardly turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he recklessly reached for his potato and aggressively deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the wienermobile rolling up.  It was Patton360's entrepreneur le.

----o0o----

   As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so she knew she was running late.  With a calculated leap, Patton360's entrepreneur le was out of the wienermobile and went earnestly jaunting toward richard Dastardly's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  richard Dastardly was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his elephant. richard Dastardly was pleased but at least the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' richard Dastardly surreptitiously purred.  With a calculated push, Patton360's entrepreneur le opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish flaming idiot in a homemade car,' she lied.  'It's fine,' richard Dastardly assured her. Patton360's entrepreneur le took a seat not remotely close to where richard Dastardly had hidden the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum. richard Dastardly panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Patton360's entrepreneur le was distracted. A few unsatisfying minutes later, richard Dastardly noticed a pestering look on Patton360's entrepreneur le's face. Patton360's entrepreneur le slowly opened her mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   richard Dastardly felt a stabbing pain in his scalp when Patton360's entrepreneur le asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A oafish look started to form on Patton360's entrepreneur le's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Patton360's entrepreneur le nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before richard Dastardly could react, Patton360's entrepreneur le aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it.  The the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum was plainly in view.

   Patton360's entrepreneur le stared at richard Dastardly for what what must've been six seconds. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, richard Dastardly groped surreptitiously in Patton360's entrepreneur le's direction, clearly desperate. Patton360's entrepreneur le grabbed the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum and bolted for the door.  It was locked. richard Dastardly let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Patton360's entrepreneur le,' he rebuked. richard Dastardly always had been a little annoying, so Patton360's entrepreneur le knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before richard Dastardly did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, she gripped her the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   richard Dastardly looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Patton360's entrepreneur le. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Patton360's entrepreneur le. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. richard Dastardly walked over to the window and looked down. Patton360's entrepreneur le was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Patton360's entrepreneur le was struggling to make her way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind richard Dastardly's place. Patton360's entrepreneur le had severely hurt her double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral sun bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum.  One by one they latched on to Patton360's entrepreneur le.  Already weakened from her injury, Patton360's entrepreneur le yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of sun bears running off with her the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum.

   About four hours later, Patton360's entrepreneur le awoke, her love handle throbbing.  It was dark and Patton360's entrepreneur le did not know where she was.  Deep in the lonely swamp, Patton360's entrepreneur le was really lost. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she remembered that her the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum was taken by the sun bears. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life.  That's when, to her horror, a teensy sun bear emerged from the imaginery desert.  It was the alpha sun bear. Patton360's entrepreneur le opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the sun bear sunk its teeth into Patton360's entrepreneur le's scalp. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Patton360's entrepreneur le's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

   Less than ten miles away, richard Dastardly was entombed by anguish over the loss of the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ninja star.  With a inept thrust, he buried it deeply into his shin.  As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Patton360's entrepreneur le... wishing he had found the courage to tell her that he loved her.  But he would die alone that day.  All that remained was the the golden carrot of Sarchaphologoilicum that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant sun bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1

[e-maxx]

It all started when our overrated adventurer, Radioactive Man, woke up in a swamp. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely relieved, Radioactive Man hit a banana, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before anyone could take off their pants, she realized that her beloved diary was missing!  Immediately she called her fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Fallout Boy. Radioactive Man had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were enticing ones.  Fallout Boy was unique. She was ingenious though sometimes a little... selfish. Radioactive Man called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Fallout Boy picked up to a very sad Radioactive Man. Fallout Boy calmly assured her that most man-eating capybaras belch before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually wildly yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Radioactive Man.  Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Radioactive Man?  Because she had snuck out from Radioactive Man's with the diary only ten days prior.  It was a electric little diary... how could she resist?

   It didn't take long before Radioactive Man got back to the subject at hand: her diary. Fallout Boy yawned. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited her over, assuring her they'd find the diary. Radioactive Man grabbed her George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the diary and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if Radioactive Man took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least five minutes before Radioactive Man would get there.  But if she took the time machine?  Then Fallout Boy would be scarcely screwed.

   Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by eleven pestering Care Bears that were lured by her diary. Fallout Boy yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling frustrated, she recklessly reached for her ninja star and aptly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief.  That's when she heard the time machine rolling up.  It was Radioactive Man.

----o0o----

   As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so she knew she was running late.  With a apt leap, Radioactive Man was out of the time machine and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Fallout Boy was panicking.  Not thinking, she tossed the diary into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind her elephant. Fallout Boy was relieved but at least the diary was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Fallout Boy explosively purred.  With a heroic push, Radioactive Man opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering zealous...zealot in a rice rocket,' she lied.  'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured her. Radioactive Man took a seat vaguely close to where Fallout Boy had hidden the diary. Fallout Boy panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted.  But Radioactive Man was distracted. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Fallout Boy noticed a clueless look on Radioactive Man's face. Radioactive Man slowly opened her mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in her love handle when Radioactive Man asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the diary right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A funny-smelling look started to form on Radioactive Man's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Radioactive Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Radioactive Man aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The diary was plainly in view.

   Radioactive Man stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been five minutes. Giggling like schoolgirl, Fallout Boy groped flamboyantly in Radioactive Man's direction, clearly desperate. Radioactive Man grabbed the diary and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Radioactive Man,' she rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little annoying, so Radioactive Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at her or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, she gripped her diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Radioactive Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Radioactive Man. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Radioactive Man was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Radioactive Man was struggling to make her way through the imaginery desert behind Fallout Boy's place. Radioactive Man had severely hurt her shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary.  One by one they latched on to Radioactive Man.  Already weakened from her injury, Radioactive Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with her diary.

   About eleven hours later, Radioactive Man awoke, her armpit throbbing.  It was dark and Radioactive Man did not know where she was.  Deep in the enchanting bush, Radioactive Man was really lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, she remembered that her diary was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life.  That's when, to her horror, a misshapen Care Bear emerged from the foxy forest.  It was the alpha Care Bear. Radioactive Man opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into Radioactive Man's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Radioactive Man's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

   Less than five miles away, Fallout Boy was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened ripened avocado.  With a hasty thrust, she buried it deeply into her armpit.  As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Radioactive Man... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her.  But she would die alone that day.  All that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1


*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark.  Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/

[Aces]

  It all started when our uber geek, Aces, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling abundantly concerned, Aces backhanded a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved carrot was missing!  Immediately he called his favorite rape victim, Aces's bitch. Aces had known Aces's bitch for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones.  Aces's bitch was unique. She was plucky though sometimes a little... stupid. Aces called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Aces's bitch picked up to a very ecstatic Aces. Aces's bitch calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet venomous koalas usually earnestly panic *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Aces.  Why was Aces's bitch trying to distract Aces?  Because she had snuck out from Aces's with the carrot only four days prior.  It was a curious little carrot... how could she resist?

   It didn't take long before Aces got back to the subject at hand: his carrot. Aces's bitch sighed. Relunctantly, Aces's bitch invited him over, assuring him they'd find the carrot. Aces grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Aces's bitch realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the carrot and she had to do it fearlessly. She figured that if Aces took the homemade car, she had take at least six minutes before Aces would get there.  But if he took the Huffy?  Then Aces's bitch would be ridiculously screwed.

   Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Aces's bitch was interrupted by eight selfish Tigers that were lured by her carrot. Aces's bitch yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling relieved, she fearlessly reached for her wolverine and aggressively slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief.  That's when she heard the Huffy rolling up.  It was Aces.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late.  With a inept leap, Aces was out of the Huffy and went scandalously jaunting toward Aces's bitch's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Aces's bitch was panicking.  Not thinking, she tossed the carrot into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind her George Foreman grill. Aces's bitch was relieved but at least the carrot was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Aces's bitch scandalously purred.  With a calculated push, Aces opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish coke fiend in a spaceship,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Aces's bitch assured him. Aces took a seat exotically proximate to where Aces's bitch had hidden the carrot. Aces's bitch sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted.  But Aces was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Aces's bitch noticed a dimwitted look on Aces's face. Aces slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Aces's bitch felt a stabbing pain in her armpit when Aces asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the carrot right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A funny-smelling look started to form on Aces's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Aces nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Aces's bitch could react, Aces aptly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The carrot was plainly in view.

   Aces stared at Aces's bitch for what what must've been four nanoseconds. Giggling like schoolgirl, Aces's bitch groped explosively in Aces's direction, clearly desperate. Aces grabbed the carrot and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Aces's bitch let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Aces,' she rebuked. Aces's bitch always had been a little pestering, so Aces knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Aces's bitch did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at her or something. Giggling like schoolgirl, he gripped his carrot tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Aces's bitch looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Aces. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Aces. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Aces's bitch walked over to the window and looked down. Aces was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Aces was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Aces's bitch's place. Aces had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Tigers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the carrot.  One by one they latched on to Aces.  Already weakened from his injury, Aces yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Tigers running off with his carrot.

   About five hours later, Aces awoke, his armpit throbbing.  It was dark and Aces did not know where he was.  Deep in the humid foxy forest, Aces was exceedingly lost. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he remembered that his carrot was taken by the Tigers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life.  That's when, to his horror, a teensy Tiger emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch.  It was the alpha Tiger. Aces opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Tiger sunk its teeth into Aces's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Aces's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

   Less than six miles away, Aces's bitch was entombed by anguish over the loss of the carrot.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened gerbil.  With a heroic thrust, she buried it deeply into her armpit.  As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Aces... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him.  But she would die alone that day.  All that remained was the carrot that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Tigers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1


*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark.  Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/

[Rainbow]

bump

[xHerobrinex]

   It all started when our protagonist, Louis, woke up in a bush. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling excessively concerned, Louis backhanded a stapler, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Soon afterward, he realized that his beloved pills was missing!  Immediately he called his neighbor, PILLS. Louis had known PILLS for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were saucy ones.  PILLS was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little... annoying. Louis called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   PILLS picked up to a very mad Louis. PILLS calmly assured him that most koalas turn red before mating, yet kittens usually surreptitiously shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Louis.  Why was PILLS trying to distract Louis?  Because he had snuck out from Louis's with the pills only five days prior.  It was a enticing little pills... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Louis got back to the subject at hand: his pills. PILLS grimaced. Relunctantly, PILLS invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pills. Louis grabbed his bed and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, PILLS realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the pills and he had to do it aptly. He figured that if Louis took the Pontiac Aztec, he had take at least three minutes before Louis would get there.  But if he took the pillmobile?  Then PILLS would be really screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, PILLS was interrupted by eleven oafish pillbeasts that were lured by his pills. PILLS belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he aggressively reached for his butterknife and randomly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the pillmobile rolling up.  It was Louis.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of pencils, so he knew he was running late.  With a deft leap, Louis was out of the pillmobile and went sassily jaunting toward PILLS's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  PILLS was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the pills into a box of staplers and then slid the box behind his bed. PILLS was concerned but at least the pills was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' PILLS exotically purred.  With a deft push, Louis opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish outcast in a '82 Corolla,' he lied.  'It's fine,' PILLS assured him. Louis took a seat nowhere near where PILLS had hidden the pills. PILLS yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Louis was distracted. Unexpectedly, PILLS noticed a funny-smelling look on Louis's face. Louis slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   PILLS felt a stabbing pain in his arm when Louis asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the pills right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A abrasive look started to form on Louis's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's pencils from when she used to have pet beavers.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Louis nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before PILLS could react, Louis recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The pills was plainly in view.

   Louis stared at PILLS for what what must've been five minutes. Rather abruptly, PILLS groped flamboyantly in Louis's direction, clearly desperate. Louis grabbed the pills and bolted for the door.  It was locked. PILLS let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Louis,' he rebuked. PILLS always had been a little oafish, so Louis knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before PILLS did something crazy, like... start chucking spoons at him or something. Unexpectedly, he gripped his pills tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   PILLS looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Louis. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Louis. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. PILLS walked over to the window and looked down. Louis was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Louis was struggling to make his way through the moor behind PILLS's place. Louis had severely hurt his butt during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral pillbeasts suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pills.  One by one they latched on to Louis.  Already weakened from his injury, Louis yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of pillbeasts running off with his pills.

   About nine hours later, Louis awoke, his neck throbbing.  It was dark and Louis did not know where he was.  Deep in the arid thicket, Louis was really lost. Suddenly, he remembered that his pills was taken by the pillbeasts. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life.  That's when, to his horror, a little pillbeast emerged from the forest.  It was the alpha pillbeast. Louis opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the pillbeast sunk its teeth into Louis's chest. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Louis's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

   Less than eleven miles away, PILLS was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pills.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened sock.  With a inept thrust, he buried it deeply into his thigh.  As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Louis... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him.  But he would die alone that day.  All that remained was the pills that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant pillbeasts, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1

[Mr. Jelly]

 It all started when our overrated adventurer, Kompressor, woke up in a bush. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling abnormally stunned, Kompressor punched a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unsatisfying minutes later, he realized that his beloved Shadows was missing!  Immediately he called his undeclared soulmate, Kompressor's snake. Kompressor had known Kompressor's snake for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were saucy ones.  Kompressor's snake was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little... stupid. Kompressor called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Kompressor's snake picked up to a very ecstatic Kompressor. Kompressor's snake calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies shudder before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually earnestly sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Kompressor.  Why was Kompressor's snake trying to distract Kompressor?  Because he had snuck out from Kompressor's with the Shadows only eleven days prior.  It was a striking little Shadows... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Kompressor got back to the subject at hand: his Shadows. Kompressor's snake panicked. Relunctantly, Kompressor's snake invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Shadows. Kompressor grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kompressor's snake realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Shadows and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Kompressor took the spaceship, he had take at least six minutes before Kompressor would get there.  But if he took the jeep?  Then Kompressor's snake would be alarmingly screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kompressor's snake was interrupted by six dimwitted Bushidos that were lured by his Shadows. Kompressor's snake yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling stunned, he carefully reached for his dull pencil and aptly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the jeep rolling up.  It was Kompressor.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late.  With a hasty leap, Kompressor was out of the jeep and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Kompressor's snake's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Kompressor's snake was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the Shadows into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Kompressor's snake was puzzled but at least the Shadows was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Kompressor's snake explosively purred.  With a apt push, Kompressor opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling coke fiend in a Jap Trap,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Kompressor's snake assured him. Kompressor took a seat tragically close to where Kompressor's snake had hidden the Shadows. Kompressor's snake sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Kompressor was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Kompressor's snake noticed a stupid look on Kompressor's face. Kompressor slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Kompressor's snake felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when Kompressor asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Shadows right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A insensitive look started to form on Kompressor's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet legless puppies.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Kompressor nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Kompressor's snake could react, Kompressor thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it.  The Shadows was plainly in view.

   Kompressor stared at Kompressor's snake for what what must've been six minutes. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Kompressor's snake groped wildly in Kompressor's direction, clearly desperate. Kompressor grabbed the Shadows and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Kompressor's snake let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Kompressor,' he rebuked. Kompressor's snake always had been a little annoying, so Kompressor knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Kompressor's snake did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Absolutely thrilled, he gripped his Shadows tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Kompressor's snake looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Kompressor. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Kompressor. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Kompressor's snake walked over to the window and looked down. Kompressor was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Kompressor was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Kompressor's snake's place. Kompressor had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Bushidos suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Shadows.  One by one they latched on to Kompressor.  Already weakened from his injury, Kompressor yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Bushidos running off with his Shadows.

   But then God came down with His smart smile and restored Kompressor's Shadows. Feeling frustrated, God smote the Bushidos for their injustice.  Then He got in His magic flying carpet and dashed away with the fortitude of  half a million South American hissing sloths running from a enormous pack of Indonesian devil cats. Kompressor ran with joy when he saw this. His Shadows was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in two minutes his favorite TV show,  Glee, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When South American hissing sloths meet bloody glove'). Kompressor was pleased. And so, everyone except Kompressor's snake and a few pipe bomb-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

[Club559]

Is anyone here even reading any of these?

[Trogtor]

Is anyone here even reading any of these?

no because its the same stuff

[Mr. Jelly]

please ignore this poast

[Blocko 3D]

  It all started when our (former research) star, friendstuff Man, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling abnormally exasperated, friendstuff Man hit a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he realized that his beloved carrot was missing!  Immediately he called his former lay, friendstuff Man's whore. friendstuff Man had known friendstuff Man's whore for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were electric ones.  friendstuff Man's whore was unique. She was attractive though sometimes a little... dimwitted. friendstuff Man called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   friendstuff Man's whore picked up to a very glad friendstuff Man. friendstuff Man's whore calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats grimace before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually flamboyantly panic *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting friendstuff Man.  Why was friendstuff Man's whore trying to distract friendstuff Man?  Because she had snuck out from friendstuff Man's with the carrot only ten days prior.  It was a sassy little carrot... how could she resist?

   It didn't take long before friendstuff Man got back to the subject at hand: his carrot. friendstuff Man's whore belched. Relunctantly, friendstuff Man's whore invited him over, assuring him they'd find the carrot. friendstuff Man grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, friendstuff Man's whore realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the carrot and she had to do it thoughtfully. She figured that if friendstuff Man took the time machine, she had take at least four minutes before friendstuff Man would get there.  But if he took the friendmobile?  Then friendstuff Man's whore would be ridiculously screwed.

   Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, friendstuff Man's whore was interrupted by four annoying cats that were lured by her carrot. friendstuff Man's whore cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling relieved, she aptly reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and skillfully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief.  That's when she heard the friendmobile rolling up.  It was friendstuff Man.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late.  With a heroic leap, friendstuff Man was out of the friendmobile and went surreptitiously jaunting toward friendstuff Man's whore's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  friendstuff Man's whore was panicking.  Not thinking, she tossed the carrot into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her whale. friendstuff Man's whore was pleased but at least the carrot was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' friendstuff Man's whore exotically purred.  With a heroic push, friendstuff Man opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling flaming idiot in a neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket,' he lied.  'It's fine,' friendstuff Man's whore assured him. friendstuff Man took a seat hilariously close to where friendstuff Man's whore had hidden the carrot. friendstuff Man's whore sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted.  But friendstuff Man was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, friendstuff Man's whore noticed a insensitive look on friendstuff Man's face. friendstuff Man slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   friendstuff Man's whore felt a stabbing pain in her p-spot when friendstuff Man asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the carrot right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A selfish look started to form on friendstuff Man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. friendstuff Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before friendstuff Man's whore could react, friendstuff Man skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it.  The carrot was plainly in view.

   friendstuff Man stared at friendstuff Man's whore for what what must've been nine seconds. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, friendstuff Man's whore groped flamboyantly in friendstuff Man's direction, clearly desperate. friendstuff Man grabbed the carrot and bolted for the door.  It was locked. friendstuff Man's whore let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, friendstuff Man,' she rebuked. friendstuff Man's whore always had been a little dimwitted, so friendstuff Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before friendstuff Man's whore did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. A few freaknasty minutes later, he gripped his carrot tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   friendstuff Man's whore looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from friendstuff Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for friendstuff Man. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. friendstuff Man's whore walked over to the window and looked down. friendstuff Man was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, friendstuff Man was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind friendstuff Man's whore's place. friendstuff Man had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral cats suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the carrot.  One by one they latched on to friendstuff Man.  Already weakened from his injury, friendstuff Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cats running off with his carrot.

   About nine hours later, friendstuff Man awoke, his p-spot throbbing.  It was dark and friendstuff Man did not know where he was.  Deep in the arid disease-infested jungle, friendstuff Man was very lost. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he remembered that his carrot was taken by the cats. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life.  That's when, to his horror, a enlarged cat emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch.  It was the alpha cat. friendstuff Man opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cat sunk its teeth into friendstuff Man's p-spot. With a faint groan, the life escaped from friendstuff Man's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

   Less than seven miles away, friendstuff Man's whore was entombed by anguish over the loss of the carrot.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened ninja star.  With a careful thrust, she buried it deeply into her double chin.  As the room began to fade to black, she thought about friendstuff Man... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him.  But she would die alone that day.  All that remained was the carrot that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cats, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1