Near Death - A book I'm writing. (UPDATE AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN)

[comedy101experiments]

You people need to be less of the asses you are and help with a bit of respect and kindness. I mean holy christ, I can be a jackass sometimes, but when people are putting out their work for us to see, I find that truly amazing and fun to critique in such a way to allow that person to grow, not to put them down.

Edit:See, helpfulness.

Thanks :D

more tips:
christianity wasn't taken too well in rome, fyi
also, the christians refused to worship the roman gods
what in sam hell are you preaching about

also, the period at "gods." should go within the quotes
never ever ever bring religion into a book unless it's a factual one (eg about the holocaust or something)

finally, everyone understands this is a wip (it's self-evident,) but you need to learn to accept criticism where it's due
the only way to improve is to receive feedback before the project is over

People keep saying "THIS ISN'T A BOOK YOU FRICKING IDIOT."  But thanks for the help!

Half a page?  Good luck finishing this

Haha, it's going to take me like a year to finish xD

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[Thar]

I have a feeling you're gonna get bored and abandon this project

[comedy101experiments]

I have a feeling you're gonna get bored and abandon this project

This happens a lot, but I will be persistent.

[Trifax]

You left much to be desired. You forced the reader to establish the setting/situation themselves. I didn't know what was happening, and I think other people have covered the rest of what I would say.

Bottom line, you have a nice premise, but there's a lot of work to be done if you really want this to be a book. Right now, the basis that you've laid down is very generic and could lead into any plot.

You're young, so I wasn't expecting much, but you certainly have potential. But you need A LOT of work. Aside from progressing in school and establishing a more thorough vocabulary, just keep writing. Write about whatever. Through repetition and experience, if you write consistently as much as you can, you'll be a very good writer by age 18 or maybe a bit later.

[Jairo]

You have no idea what you're talking about. Christianity was the main religion of the Roman Empire right before it fell...

christianity upsetted many romans because they believed that believing in only one god was blasphemous, so they persecuted the christians and sent them to fight in the games or to be cruicified wanted it evicted right away
I mean, they killed jesus christ, the major symbol of christianity, because they believed him to be too powerful
they believed him a sinner
once again, religion has corrupted a country
this is why freedom of religion is so important
now make sure to eat your vegetables, kids

or, perhaps, my textbooks are compiled of utter bullforget and I'm babbling on about nothingness

[comedy101experiments]

You left much to be desired. You forced the reader to establish the setting/situation themselves. I didn't know what was happening, and I think other people have covered the rest of what I would say.

Bottom line, you have a nice premise, but there's a lot of work to be done if you really want this to be a book. Right now, the basis that you've laid down is very generic and could lead into any plot.

You're young, so I wasn't expecting much, but you certainly have potential. But you need A LOT of work. Aside from progressing in school and establishing a more thorough vocabulary, just keep writing. Write about whatever. Through repetition and experience, if you write consistently as much as you can, you'll be a very good writer by age 18 or maybe a bit later.

Thank you :).

So, what should I do to show the setting?  I have no idea how to make it sound good.

persecuted the christians and sent them to fight in the games or to be cruicified[/s] wanted it evicted right away
I mean, they killed jesus christ, the major symbol of christianity, because they believed him to be too powerful
they believed him a sinner
once again, religion has corrupted a country
this is why freedom of religion is so important
now make sure to eat your vegetables, kids

or, perhaps, my textbooks are compiled of utter bullforget and I'm babbling on about nothingness

Well, see, my family was Roman, then Atheist, then Christian.  Time changes people.

[Eussorus]

it's not a book until it's done.

and it takes almost 2 years to write a book, if you're new.

[comedy101experiments]

it's not a book until it's done.

and it takes almost 2 years to write a book, if you're new.

I have written many books before, also, bump because edit to book.

[Jairo]

I have written many books before,

I'd like to see them, if you would

[KadeBL_ID12958]

ants ants ANTS GET OUT OF THE CAR AAAAAAAAAAAAAANTTTTSS

[comedy101experiments]

I'd like to see them, if you would

Sadly, they were written years ago and I cannot find them.

ants ants ANTS GET OUT OF THE CAR AAAAAAAAAAAAAANTTTTSS

They are the size of Manhattan, should I add that?

[Skyfrost.]

It goes too fast and goes into so much detail that its almost sickening. Not to say it's bad, but just improve those two. Content is a much better filler than detail.

[Eussorus]

Sadly, they were written years ago and I cannot find them.

what the bullstuff.

[Jairo]

Sadly, they were written years ago and I cannot find them.

I would hound you down and tell you why that's bullstuff, but I've reached my douchebag limit for today
good night

[comedy101experiments]

It goes too fast and goes into so much detail that its almost sickening. Not to say it's bad, but just improve those two. Content is a much better filler than detail.

Okay.