Author Topic: Transgender Megathread  (Read 11813 times)

why do we need a thread like this

because friends want to be friends

can someone link me to the thread blocker

No I am not sorry.

I want to explain something… I haven’t quite been able to put my finger on and explain the fear of cis people I have until recently… and by recently I mean 20 minutes ago. 

See… fear of cis people is real.  No, it’s not an oppression of cis people.  It’s a natural reaction trans* people have to the system of oppression around us.  I am scared of cis people.  I am so loving scared of cis people. 

A fear of cis people from a trans* person can come in many different styles and flavors and colors and the like.  I’ve always kind of felt mine wasn’t real or valid because I wasn’t scared of physical violence.  As a DFAB person, I am less at risk of physical violence due to my identity.  On top of that, I’m non-binary and my identity is less known than binary trans* identities so cis people aren’t going to physically hurt me, because they haven’t had time to get that upset/angry/threatened by my identity.  But I realized about 20 minutes ago, I was basing this “validity of fear of cis people” scale on how cis people would see it.  Like I had to justify my discomfort with cis people with something they would accept.  And the only reason I could be uncomfortable with cis people is if there was a threat of violence. 

But that’s not true.  See, my fear of cis people isn’t about physical violence, it’s about being verbally attacked as opposed to physically attacked.  Today, my mom had this big party to celebrate the solstice, her husband’s birthday, christmas.  And it was hard for me at first… because I didn’t know how anyone would react.  My mom is really cisloveist sometimes… and she never thought that she would have to tell me which friends would be receptive and understand and which ones wouldn’t.  She didn’t tell me her husband’s mother would be with us on our family night yesterday, and I had planned yesterday to be the day I stood firm with my family on pronouns and the like… but I had to hold off on that until late late late in the night because mom didn’t understand when I kept asking her if it would be ok to talk to Mary about it. 

I didn’t think Mary was going to attack me… like jump up and hit me.  But I was afraid she might tell me that I was wrong, refuse to use my pronouns, tell me it was a phase, give me some bullstuff about how it’s hard to be a woman so I decided to cop out.  I was afraid she’d respond with super cisloveist views, opinions, and words.  She didn’t react that way.  She reacted quite well… well… as good as an old woman who believes gender and loveuality are the same thing???? can react.  She told me stories about people she knew.  One guy who has never dated, married, or to her knowledge had love… he just doesn’t feel the need to concern himself with all of that.  She said “he’s not a man, he’s not a woman, we don’t know what he is.”  I tried to interject “aloveual” but she looked quite confused and I figured I better just take this as a positive reaction and leave it.  Because I know from dealing with her in the past that you can’t push things she doesn’t understand. 

Today at the party, similar dilemmas presented themselves.  Everyone I chose to tell was really warm and accepting.  But it was difficult choosing who to tell.  Who do I answer the question “what’s been going on in your life” honestly to?  When do I correct mom when she introduces me as her daughter?  When do I correct someone’s use of feminine pronouns and explain to them my pronoun preference and why?  Who would be receptive to it?  And who would disrupt the social flow of the party?  I was so uncomfortable with the idea of mingling because I honestly don’t know.  Cis people don’t wear signs that say “I’m trans* accepting and non-binary receptive.”  They don’t look different when they know about non-binary identities.  They don’t look different when they don’t know about non-binary identities, but want to know all that they can about all identities.  They don’t look different when they want to speak up for you as a trans* person.  They don’t look different when they don’t  They don’t look different when they don’t think your identity is valid.  They don’t look different when they tell you it’s just a phase.  They don’t look different when they “don’t believe in” non-binary genders.  They don’t look different when they think your pronouns are arbitrary.  They don’t look different when you’re going to be that weird person they tell your mother to help in some way.  They don’t look different at all. 

I cannot tell which cis people are going to be accepting.  I cannot tell which cis people are going to be helpful.  I cannot tell which cis people are going to make me feel safe.  Safety isn’t just immediate physical safety… it’s emotional and mental safety too.  It’s the acceptance that gives me the strength to not self harm next time I can’t get my appearance to look as neutral as I’d like it to be.  It’s the acceptance that tells me it’s ok to be me, and no one is uncomfortable with or upset with me because of my identity.  It’s the ability to hear myself spoken about with the correct pronouns that make me feel seen, understood, and comfortable.  And every time I meet a new cis person, unless the person introducing us has specified or I’m in a space I KNOW people are going to stand up for me in, I feel very uncomfortable  I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know anything.  And every time I feel like I have to be someone I’m not.  Like I have to pretend to be one of them, because it’s going to freak them out too much that I’m not.  That is not a fun feeling.

I’m writing this.. I guess… to illustrate why trans* people would say things that may sound anti-cisgendered.  It doesn’t mean we hate cis people.  And it in no way oppresses them (literally how stupid do you get, stop).  It means that the system of oppression placed on us has lead us to be loving terrified of them.  I am not scared of ALL cis people, just the ones I haven’t spoken to about my identity.  Because there is this system of oppression that takes place… and they’ve been known to oppress me. 

pageloss

it is a mental disorder, just one with a treatment more complex than "take these pills". as far as i know (feel free to link me to something disproving this if you can find anything), the only effect treatment for gender dysphoria is allowing the person to live as the gender they identify with. believe me, if this was curable, i'd be the first one in line, but the sad reality is that the only effective treatment is transitioning.

So you have a mental disorder that causes you to want to live as the other gender. But you are aware this is a mental disorder, you know you're supposed to be your original gender, and you'd take any chance you could to get some other treatment that would make you "okay" with being your original gender?

Yeah, okay. Makes sense.


http://taylorswiftisawinchester.tumblr.com/post/70769623932/yes-i-am-scared-of-cis-people-yes-it-is-valid-no

I'VE BEEN CAUGHT


Hi All!

I’m back. I hope you all tried to do the drill from last time. If not, there’s plenty of opportunities to try it, which  I recommend you do.

To continue from where I left off:

common sense: It is, in a nutshell, the fear of and lack of understanding/empathy for trans* people.

There is a distinct difference between sympathy and empathy for people. Sympathy can be very hands off. You may understand initially what the person is going through and want to help. But in the end you try to find solutions or suggest ways to make the person “feel better” rather than trying to understand things from where they stand- which is what empathy is.

Being a good ally vs. just being an ally to trans* people stems from this idea of empathy vs. sympathy.

A good ally empathizes: They will put themselves in the shoes of the trans* person, they will endure the pain of misgendering with the trans* person, they will meet the trans* where they are and won’t try to do things at any pace other than the pace the trans* person wants.

An Ally: Sympathizes. Like the empathizing good ally they want things to get better. Not that this is wrong. But unlike the good ally they try too hard to speed along the process of transitioning or try to find the silver lining of situations that would be better suited to having them meet the trans* person on the level they’re at. They have feelings for the trans* person, but they don’t always know what the trans* person is really feeling because they’re spending energy trying to make things better than they are. Again, this is a great thing sometimes, but the better approach is to empathize.

Check out this excellent video on empathy vs. sympathy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

Why is this distinction so important? Other than the reasons the video lists and the ones I noted above, there are endless more reasons why empathizing is so much better than sympathizing. If you feel like someone you know and love isn’t quite “getting” you, it’s probably because they can imagine what it’s like like for you to be in pain, but they don’t actually feel what you are feeling every single day.

When you make an effort to empathize, you give yourself the ability to better assist your trans* friends, peers, colleagues, and family. It’s not easy. No one likes to feel helpless or that they don’t have the answers to make the other person feel better. But trying to sympathize and overlooking the feelings the trans* person legitimately feels is not very productive.

Why is this?

THE TRANS* EXPERIENCE:

Many trans* people experience any of the following on a regular basis: Misgendering, slurs or insults, comments about whether or not they are “passing”, violence, looks of disgust, they are the butt of many of the jokes in the media, and for a long time their gender identities were considered a “disorder” by the DSM. That’s not all trans* people experience obviously, but you get the idea that it’s not pleasant.

Helping someone who is feeling pain begins with knowing what it is that they are feeling. While not all trans* people are in pain or feel badly about their experiences, empathizing with them when they do tell you about those experiences is great.

So what does a good allyship look like? Here are some steps/tips for talking to your trans* friends:

-Don’t tell them how to feel about their gender. This includes telling a trans* person how to feel about their pronouns, misgendering, or any other struggles they may go through.

-Do NOT downplay their experiences.

-Do not ask about their given/birth/legal name. Some trans* people do not want to associate with their assigned birth names (the ones they have on their birth certificates). Asking or commenting on this in public is also a huge “No-no” for interacting with trans* people without explicit permission.

-Practice good consent. What is good consent? In short the rule for good consent is that if the person has not said “Yes” in plain/direct terms, the answer is NO. In other words, if a trans* person has not given you direct permission to talk about their bodies, a particular experience, their birth names… etc… YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

-Never out someone. Outing includes (but is not limited to) mentioning their birth name or pronouns without permission (if they have not given you permission to use it in public or under any other circumstances), talking about their body or past as another gender, mentioning the fact that they are trans* without permission, talking to other people about their trans* status without permission, going into a store and talking to them about clothing on one side that you know will reveal their trans* status (this has happened to me before), and saying/doing anything that will set them apart from their cis peers.

-Work on using the correct  name and pronouns. When they ask you to use certain pronouns or a certain name-USE THEM. Often a trans* person will not be out to members of their family or friends and want to come out at their own pace- do not comment on how they do this. This is their own experience and process to work through, not yours.

-Lastly (there are obviously more of these but I’m stopping here for the day), DO NOT closet shame someone. If someone isn’t out as trans* (same as if someone was coming out as gay), don’t ask them why, don’t ask them why they aren’t out to mutual friends, don’t ask them to speed things up, or ask what is so hard about coming out as trans* Remember, you are trying to empathize- step into their shoes and try to feel what they feel. The fear and challenges that arise as someone comes out are just as individualized as the person’s gender itself.

DRILL: How do you treat your friends? Do you practice good consent with them? Do you pay attention to the things that may make them feel comfortable or uncomfortable? Take note of this and begin to practice good consent among your friends, family, and peers.


I'VE BEEN CAUGHT


While we're at it, why not have an Autism megathread?



While we're at it, why not have an Autism megathread?
what a great idea

*sarcasam*

How much longer do you think the LGBT community and the organizations, groups, and movements associated with it can get away with their blatant double standards?

If the LGBT community and their associated organization are so full of acceptance and diversity, why do they always choose to demonize, demean, and pettily insult instead of educate? Why do they choose to throw around words such as family man, loveist, and their personal favorite, bigot, when someone does not agree with their chosen lifestyle instead of upholding the free speech that they claim to work towards

Why do they claim to support free speech when every last one of their true words and actions scream the opposite.Why do they claim to seek equality for all human when they couldn't be further from such a goal.

Why do you continue to support these people? Why do you allow them to continue to grow in influence?


thank you for this! it is also important to remember that one should strive for compassion and understanding in their activism. the tumblr SJW crowd prides itself on hate and hyperbole, which does nothing when applied against oppressors. if you stay calm in the face of discrimination and can articulate your views well, it does a hell of a lot more good than just screaming "DIE CIS SCUM" at the top of your lungs

While we're at it, why not have an Autism megathread?

Hell, that would make more sense than having a transmission megathread. This is a online building game where the average age is somewhere between people in their late teens and early twenties. On top of that, transmissions aren't just some common kind of person you bump into at the supermarket. The whole idea of a megathread for this is absurd.

Trans people are cool.