this too, like literally in horror games i always see like a loving pipe on the floor why cant i pick that up and beat myself with it the monster with it
Because good horror is about removing choices and restricting freedom. The player has to feel like they're on the very edge of death or whatever. If you give them a tool to beat down the monster with, they suddenly will think "Oh hey, this must mean I can take down that angry thing".
This is why F.E.A.R., while it has a great story, characters and gunplay, is not very scary. You can take all your threats down, so there's never a moment of "Oh stuff I'm forgeted".
I might be wrong, but I get the feeling that's at least one part of the problem. Horror needs to be more than just some spooky lights and monsters. We need to start adding interesting game mechanics (potentially non-violent) that play up the horror.